What Was Heard Between London And Washington?
I was recently on a flight from London's Heathrow Airport to Dulles Airport in Washington, D.C.
These can be dreary, existential moments in a man's life, when he is cooped up in a flying cubicle with few distractions, stale air, and food that comes under the heading of a Terrorist Threat to my Stomach.
However, this particular flight was redeemed by the conversation of my seatmates. They were not actually talking to me, but I heard every word they bandied with each other. I managed to eavesdrop on them while supposedly asleep (little did they realize that I can drool on command — a talent I developed as a Three Stooges understudy many years ago.)
Here, in substance, and with the coarse language gentled, is what Todd and Justin, recent college graduates, said to each other as we crossed the Big Pond:
Todd: Some party, huh?
Justin: Yeah, dude. Where were those girls from again? Picallily or somethin'?
Todd: I think they were from Oxnard College.
Justin: Yeah, well. Some party with them, huh?
Todd: Yeah, dude.
(The next 2 hours were pretty much a repetition of this theme. I will spare the reader a verbatim report.)
Todd: So, what you gonna do at home fer the rest of the summer, dude? Look for work or what.
Justin: You kiddin? Work? Why should I work when there's no jobs? My dad says there's nothin' going on at his company and he doesn't know how I'm going to pay off my loan if I don't get something soon.
Todd: Typical, man. We do all the work and all they do is complain. What's the big deal? If I default, my dad co-signed; they'll just make him pay.
Justin: See, no problem!
Todd: The rest of the summer I'm at the beach, definitely. That's where I do all my "job-hunting".
Justin: Your dad buy you a car like he promised?
Todd: Sure he did. How can I go job hunting without a car? Take the bus or somethin'? Get real!
The two scholars were silent for the next hour or so, ordering several plastic cups of wine and paging through the Duty Free catalogue to order some single malt scotch and an inflatable Tower of London. After some pornographic speculation about the possibilities of an inflatable Tower of London, the boys continued their discussion.
Justin: What would it be like to get a job, like a real job with a salary and stuff?
Todd: No way, dude! Haven't you heard the economy's in the crapper? You and me are gonna keep going to school until we're ready to retire. It's the only way to go.
Justin: Nah. I can work at something cool, maybe. Hey, you remember that chick we met who was going to Thailand to teach English?
Todd: You mean the one that . . .
Justin: Yeah, that one.
Todd: How many times . . .
Justin: I think her name was Cecily.
Justin: Yeah. She said she was going to Thailand to take some kinda class to become an English teacher and then she'd get paid to teach the little dudes verbs and stuff. I could totally do that!
Todd: Four times?
Justin: Huh? Yeah, four.
Todd: Wow. So how do you get signed up for this class to turn you into an English teacher? You must hafta pass a test or something hard to do.
Justin: Cecily said they just took her money and now she's taking the class next month and is gonna be teaching by October.
Todd: Could we maybe take the same class as she is? C'mon, dude. Four times!
Justin: Totally possible. I'll Tweet her after we land, get the information.
Todd: So we could actually become, like, English teachers and make money and the whole thing! In Thailand.
Justin; Your dad could have your car shipped over there. We could tour the whole frickin' country on the weekends!
Todd; You are so right! Y'know, I kinda liked my English teacher. He was okay, except for the homework.
Justin: I will never assign homework. Think about it . . . if they gotta do homework, we gotta correct it!
Todd: Dude, that is seriously genius!
Justin: We are natural teachers. Just need the documents, that's all.
At this point the pilot intervened to inform us we were approaching Dulles and to buckle our seatbelts.
After hearing this stirring colloquim I can assure all my readers that 2 new ESL stars will soon ascend the Thai firmament.
Their ideals may be a little vague and their work ethic a wee bit anemic, but that's the magic of taking a TESOL certificate course at TEFL International (www.tefllife.com); it turns the unambitious, unfocused college graduate slacker into a work class stiff.
For that alone, I think TEFL International deserves a Nobel Prize.
Stockholm, are you listening?