Sustainable Trips To Bangkok, A Trip Report

It has been quite a few years since I last wrote a submission. I used to write occasional pieces from around 2012 up until mid-2016 – when I split from my first Thai girlfriend. I had a break from writing subs when my mother passed away in late 2016 and somehow never got back to it, despite continuing to make trips from London to the Land of Smiles. After a year’s break from 6 monthly visits to the Kingdom, I met who would become my second Thai girlfriend in December 2017. Being closer in age than my previous girlfriend, we were well-suited. We were together until late 2022 and had some nice adventures together.

The pandemic ended my career in the IT industry via the economic fall-out combined with the onset of a severe depressive illness that lasted through the pandemic and beyond. Not everyone ‘made out like bandits’ during the wretched lockdown. My illness eventually resulted in the breakdown of my relationship with my girlfriend in late 2022. Matters were of course not helped with travel restrictions during the pandemic (with me being stuck in London and my girlfriend in Thailand), but I managed to make a three-week trip to Thailand pretty soon after the Kingdom opened again in September 2022 for foreign travel – I arrived in late November. Despite the measures and restrictions still in place, that was an enjoyable trip, with freedom to travel around Thailand once the daft ‘Day 1’ and ‘Day 5’ Covid tests were taken and passed. (Note – If you are still a Covid bore or a Covid lunatic, please don’t write in).

I travelled to Thailand again in March 2022, arriving at an unfortunate time – when my girlfriend’s mother was gravely ill. The ‘Day 1’ quarantine and test measure was still in place at this time, so I had to spend a night in Bangkok, but flew to Khon Khen the next afternoon. I actually bumped into my girlfriend’s daughter at Suvarnabhumi Airport – who was also on her way home – so we flew up together. My girlfriend met us at the airport and on the drive back to her town, got the phone call informing her that her mother had passed away. They were actually not very close. This meant that I was arriving into the occasion of a full Isaan funeral. I had only done ‘Isaan lite’ in the past, with occasional 3-4 day visits to Khon Khen, so this would be a new experience.

Everyone was welcoming and accommodating, and I kept a low profile and made sure I was as ‘low maintenance’ as possible in the days leading up to the funeral. One unforgettable experience was being part of the funeral walking procession along with at least another 200 people, all holding the rope that connects the coffin + trailer to the head of the procession, as the journey is made from the family home to the local temple for cremation. After the service, there was a huge party back at the family house – food, drink, music and card games. And yes, I was asked for and paid a sizeable donation towards the occasion. After the funeral day, my girlfriend joined me at my hotel and we started off on a road trip taking in the provinces of Mukdahan and Nakhon Phanom – hiking in national parks and visiting spots along the Mekong River. We then made the long journey down to Jomtien, Pattaya, to meet up with her sisters for the last few days of the trip.

Both these visits to the Land of Smiles proved to be a tonic for me, and I felt I was finally on the mend. Being out of work, I had no income at this point, but I made plans to rent a second property I had in the UK, so that I could fund long-stay visits to Thailand. My girlfriend had good connections in Pattaya and a viable business idea, so the loose plan was for me to join her there. Unfortunately I started re-lapsing with severe depression and insomnia in June 2022. In desperation, I made a third post-pandemic trip to Thailand in late August 2022 – which proved to be a disaster. Due to lack of sleep, I was starting to have psychotic symptoms and my girlfriend did her best to look after me – making two fast-track appointments to see hospital consultants in Bangkok. But it was too late – I was too ill to make a quick recovery, and I left Thailand after 2 weeks with prescribed medications that seemed to make my symptoms worse. I stopped taking those medications as soon as I left Thailand and engaged with health services back in London. I managed to make video calls to my girlfriend about two times per week – during which she was kind and supportive – but this was grinding her down. Around December 2022 she stopped answering my calls. I got the occasional LINE message from her but nothing more. I heard she had become ill herself, but didn’t know any details. In any case, I was too unwell to pursue any inquiries.

2023 was a write-off. I had a series of sporadic out-patient appointments to try and find a medication that I would respond to. I was also given C.B.T (cognitive behavioural) therapy but this proved totally ineffective. In early 2024 I was finally seen by a doctor from the same cultural background as myself – this is very important with mental health issues. No political correctness here, sorry. She instantly homed in on a number of things missed by all the other doctors I had seen and prescribed me a medication that didn’t make me feel worse. That’s all I needed to give me a foot-hold to any sort of recovery. I now had no hope or desire to return to the IT industry or the corporate world in any way, but another great help was – that I had started to record music again for the first time in about ten years – it gave me something to focus on. (I am a bass player and guitarist and write my own songs. I use home-recording equipment to produce recorded versions of the songs). So now I had a bit of structure back in my days, by early-Autumn 2024 the idea of a trip to Thailand was crossing my mind for the first time since 2022.

Just to back-track for a moment. The music recording had been going unexpectedly well – I had started off with no expectations whatsoever. I played some stuff to an old school friend who spent 25 years as a record producer and he said, ‘you’ve got to let me work on these’. We had the idea to work towards releasing a four-song E.P. on vinyl. However, after I had recorded three songs, the ideas just kept coming  (I’ve no idea where from or how) and we decided to upgrade the project to an album release. The plan was that I’d record songs at home up to a certain standard and then bring them round to his impressive home studio so that he could work them up to ‘professional release’ standard. I only mention this again because now I had a project to focus on, I felt like I had earned and would benefit from the trip to Thailand.

I started looking at air fares – not cheap, around £900 for a direct flight; and hotel prices – surprisingly reasonable, at around £55 per night for 4 star accommodation. I was planning my return trip for mid-late November 2024. I decided to be cautious and only risk a 12 day trip in case I had any sort of mental health relapses. (Thailand, as I had previously found out, is not an ideal place to need to seek medical help for these conditions). I would split my visit between Bangkok and Jomtien, Pattaya – 5 days in Bangkok, 3 days in Jomtien, and the remainder in Bangkok. The Jomtien visit had an ulterior motive, as will be explained.

I used to be a gogo bar guy. I liked (loved) the whole format of the traditional Thai gogo bar. I first came to Bangkok in 2006, when it was still what I consider was the Golden Age of the gogo bar and adult nightlife areas in Thailand. (Older hands will reasonably insist that I actually missed the real Golden Age, which is fair enough). In 2006 the places were fun, the girls were plentiful, attitudes were good, and prices were reasonable. The exchange rate was 70THB = 1GBP…..heady days. Taking that package as a whole,  I saw it as always worth making the long trip from the UK for. However, I had become less of a regular customer in the gogos since 2017 – when I met my second girlfriend – and on the occasions when I had returned to gogos since 2017, I had usually been underwhelmed and sometimes unpleasantly surprised. All the well-worn reasons apply here – girls that can’t be barfined (Coyotes), rip-off lady drink prices, a drop in quality and quantity of girls on-stage, higher barfines and ST/LT fees. For the first time, I realised that nightly (rather than occasional) visits to gogo bars were becoming unsustainable for someone who sets himself a nightly budget.

Fast-forward to 2022, 2023, 2024 (and today). I now have no income, not having worked since the Covid-enforced redundancy in 2021. When I say no income, I mean nothing. I have some savings; and as such, UK Social Security / Benefit rules say that I’m not entitled to any income support. So having paid into a system via earnings-based National Insurance for 32 years, I’m entitled to no income support by virtue of having being financially responsible. You can perhaps understand why people in the UK get annoyed about issues like illegal economic migrants being given state benefits as soon as they are granted ‘leave to remain’. So, unlike previous trips to Thailand, I was going to have to set a strict daily budget for my upcoming trip in November 2024. I worked out that 5000 Baht PER DAY was a realistic number. Based on an exchange rate of 43THB = £1GBP that would amount to a £1400 spending budget over 12 days, which not pocket-money for someone with no income. The budget would have to include meals, drinks, and fees for any liaisons with women.

My direct flight from London Heathrow to Suvarnabhumi was booked via Thai Airways for £900. Slightly cheaper non-direct fares were/are available but I’m not a stop-over guy. Too much of an ordeal – just get me there. Hotels are another thing I won’t compromise too much on. Location and room features/hotel facilities are important to me (nice pool, fitness room, room with balcony). I also have to be close to one of Bangkok’s large parks such as Lumphini or Benjakiti. I used to stay at (and love) Centre Point on Soi 10 but due to my aforementioned horrible health episode in Sept 2022, I had a bad association with the place and didn’t want to stay there. I searched for a similar property and found Hope Land Apartments just one Soi over, in Soi 8, with suites available for £50/night. Similarly in Jomtien, I found a very nice hotel on Jomtien Soi 5 called Fifth at Jomtien – right next to the Immigration Centre. Rooms were also priced at £50/night including an international buffet breakfast.

This amounted to a flight and hotel budget total of £1500. Meaning a grand total budget of £2900 – not exactly a cheap holiday for Mr Jobless. Direct flights from LHR to BKK were £550 just before the pandemic, so that’s an 80% increase in air fares since then. Hotel room rates were similar before 2020, so little or no increase there. With all this considered, I surmised that Gogo bar visits would probably be kept to a minimum and possibly completely foregone. How then, would spend time and meet women? Well, when I split from my first Thai girlfriend back in 2016, I discovered an online Escort Agency booking platform. I won’t name them but they were previously an advertiser on Stickman’s site. This Escort Agency typically has about 50-70 ladies to choose from each day and prices for a 2-hour visit direct to your hotel room range from 2,500 – 14,000 THB. Note that only a few of the women ask for more than 5000 and the most common asking price is 3000 for 2 hours. Looks-wise, the quality of the women is pretty high and of course the standard of service varies. I’ve used the escort agency since 2016 and would estimate a service satisfaction rate of around 80-90%. Compare this to your Gogo bar experiences and make of it what you will.

For someone like me – a self-proclaimed veteran of the Golden Age of the Gogo – using the Escort agency is a no-brainer. I don’t have to leave my hotel room – the women come to me. I don’t have to be pestered by mamasans or her ‘sisters’, buy any lady drinks or pay a barfine. Additionally at 3,000 THB for 2 hours, I am getting a cheaper rate than the new average short-time rate of 4,000 THB quoted by gogo girls. The Escort agency girls are also somewhat motivated to give good service via their ‘agency rating’ – 1 to 5 stars – which everyone can see. Using these escorts, I can factor out my dissatisfaction with the present day Gogo bar – the garish decor, the loud techno music, the lack of customer-service orientated staff, etc. In my Chrome Pole days, I was always an early bird, and an early bar-finer. A 9-10 PM short-time with a gogo princess meant that I could be back out on the street at midnight – affording me a relaxed remainder of the evening in a nearby beer bar without the sexual imperative driving my spending (and drinking) behaviour. I found that this M.O. served me well. Since I discovered the Escort agency, I opted to stick to this plan of action – search and book a lady for early evening, say an arrival time between 8 – 10 PM. Leaving time for a late dinner or some relaxed drinking time afterwards.

So back to November 2024. My arrival date soon rolled around. My journey to Bangkok and to my hotel was painless. I take the Airport Link train to Makkasan and change to the MRT at Petchaburi station (a 200M walk). This costs 57 Baht and saves me a 600 Baht taxi ride. I arrive at Hope Land Soi 8 to find a well-appointed room with a balcony…..and a noisy construction site outside my window! They are doing the ground-engineering work (the noisiest part of construction) so this won’t be good for a 4 day stay. However, I’m too tired to do anything about it today and the piling (and all other work) stops and shortly after my check-in. I don’t bother to unpack – and instead visit the Escort agency website via my phone and book a girl that I’ve been checking out for a few weeks prior to my arrival…..luckily she is available this evening. She is down in the lobby at the appointed time and looks as good in person as her pictures. ‘Ann’ – She’s 35 years old, has a pleasant manner, great natural boobs, decent English and an enjoyable 2hr experience is had. I don’t just chuck her on the bed as soon as we get to the room, either. I’ve got a nice sofa and seating area so we can have a chat first, and slowly transition over to the bed – a bit like a normal hot date. This is different to the usual modern-day gogo girl experience where she jumps in the shower straight away and re-appears wrapped in a towel less than 10 minutes after entering the room. The Escort girls typically take things at a more leisurely pace. I pay Ann 4000 Baht and head out to a street bar in the same soi as my hotel. I buy a couple of beers for myself and a couple for one of the ladies chatting to me.

Next morning, I am woken by the ear-shattering noise of pile-driving coming from the adjacent construction site….this won’t do. A couple of hours later I amble downstairs and ask politely to be moved to the other side of the hotel. They agree to this but the room won’t be ready until after midday – no problem. I take myself off to Benjakiti Park for a couple of walking laps (4km) and then head to a nice back street restaurant in the shadows of Asok BTS for an early lunch. Back at the hotel, my new room is ready and its nearly pain-free to re-pack a few things and move rooms. By mid-afternoon, I’m back on the Escort website to book another girl…..’S’, another lady I had been checking out from afar a few weeks earlier. Actually, I booked her back in 2018 (while my girlfriend was in Hong Kong for a few days) and had a great time with her, but cut my 2 hours short that time as I’d arranged to meet a friend and got my scheduling a bit screwed up. ‘S’ looked bemused when I ushered her out of the door after only an hour (and I was a bit bewildered myself, rushing this total babe of a girl out of my room after only 1 round). I was curious to see if she still looked as good in person and if she remembered me. The answers – yes, she still looked good, now 30 years old. No, she didn’t remember the daft Farang who threw her out of his room early. We had a nice chat for half an hour before getting down to some action – which wasn’t great to be honest. I remember her being much better in the sack on the last occasion. But she is nice company and I’m content to just run down the clock with her. I pay her 3K Baht and then head to DET5 restaurant on Soi 8 for a laid back dinner, followed by a quick trip to Nana Plaza where I visit Kick Off bar next door to Stumble Inn. I get chatting to a pleasant, pretty but plumpish mid-twenties girl who offers to be my taxi driver to Jomtien in 2 days’ time (and no doubt spend the whole time down there with me on my dollar). I tell her that I’ll ‘think about it’. Both days so far – I’ve managed (just) to stay on-budget and enjoy the bedroom company of two good lookers.

Daytime in Bangkok can be a challenge to spend constructively if you’ve already done the must-see rounds of temples and sights on earlier visits, and don’t like shopping malls or afternoon drinking. Luckily, I’ve brought my laptop…..and a microphone….to work on some of my album tracks. I thought about renting a guitar during this trip but then decided to just concentrate on trying to get down some vocals. I’m no great singer at all, but I have a good ear, so by trial and error and many re-takes, I can get some reasonable vocals down on my backing tracks. This is the ideal way for me to spend my afternoons on this trip. I’m not sure, though, what anyone in the neighbouring room would make of it. All they would hear is someone rasping and wailing somewhat tunelessly next door. (I’m wearing headphones while singing to isolate the vocals, so they wouldn’t hear any backing track). I must have made a right damn racket….chortle. But enough of that…..on Night 3, I get on the Escort booking site and choose an angular, Chinese-looking girl, ‘H’, 28 years old.

H is waiting in the lobby for me and looks exactly like her agency photographs. She’s a bit taller than the average Thai lady at around 5′ 8″ and as we walk down the corridor to my room I tell her ‘go left’ in my pidgin Thai. She looks at me quizzically, and I say ‘you know….Kwaa, Sai….'(left, right). She nods and repeats some completely different words. ‘Where are you from?’ I ask. ‘Vietnam’ She replies. Ah…that explains it….and also explains her pale, pale complexion. She asks me for ‘taxi money’ as soon as we enter the room but I wave this away – pointing to her booking fee of 4,000 baht waiting on the dressing table. She smiles thinly and seems to forget the taxi money request with no apparent harm done. On the sofa we chat for a while, then she administers a nice, unhurried bareback blow-job. She does a nice partial strip show and notices the wall to ceiling mirror behind her. ‘Look in mirror, you can watch me’, she says sexily. Eventually we move over for some bed action. What a performer she is…..we seem to have a nice chemistry and it feels like I’m rolling back the years to the gogo girls of the late 2000s and the fabled ‘girlfriend experience’. I manage to last a decent while given the arousal level. Afterwards we chat easily for about half an hour. She starts telling me about other clients and about how perverted and abusive some can be. There seems to be a particular trend of ‘choking’, which I’m aware is popular on Internet porn sites. ‘The more they choke me and the more uncomfortable I look, the more they like it…’, she tells me. I pity this sweet girl and we chat instead about her looking forward to visits home to Vietnam. Incidentally, the price of 4000 Baht for 2 hours includes ‘two shots’. However, I’m pushing mid-50s now, and pacing myself on this trip, so I don’t insist on another round. It’s actually nice to lie there talking to these girls for a bit….’H’ leaves, and I give her top marks on the agency reviews page – they email you as soon as the girl leaves and ask you to rate your experiences. I only have about 400 Baht left in my daily budget…..so I’m forced to take a 1000 advance from tomorrow’s budget. I head out for a cheap Thai dinner in Soi 7 and then return to the street bar in Soi 8 and enjoy a few Leos and buy a couple for the bar ladies. The daily budget thing also works in my favour here – as I only have that amount of cash on my person, I can actually show the bar-girls my dwindling resources. I have no ego or ‘face’ whatsoever to maintain with them and don’t mind and even encourage comments from them that I’m kee-nok (deadbeat) or even kee-neow (cheap). ‘No problem, have credit. Pay tomorrow…..’, they tell me.

By now, I’ve fallen into a nice daily routine which I need to keep me feeling relatively sane: 10-10.30am: Go to 7-11, buy a croissant and a yoghurt for breakfast – 40 Baht. 11am: head to Benjakiti park at the end of Soi 10. Walk 2 x 2km laps in the deserted park. 12pm: Walk from Benjakiti to Asok, where I either visit Suda restaurant on Soi 16? (I never remember exactly which Soi it’s located on)  for a delicious yellow curry or Phad Thai; or I head to the 5th floor food court in Terminal 21 where I select 2 or 3 cheap Thai dishes from various counters. Cost – 100 to 350 Baht. 2 PM: Back to hotel, work on music recordings on my laptop. 4 PM: Head down to lobby, get a free coffee from the excellent coffee / cappuccino machine and sit outside on the street terrace. 5pm: Up to the fitness centre – do 30 mins on the cross-trainer, 15mins resistance training. Then head out to the lovely rooftop pool for a leisurely 30 mins of length repeats. 6.30-ish PM: Back to room to relax and book a girl from the Escort agency. 8pm: Head out to DET5 restaurant on Soi 8 for an excellent dinner – cost 500 – 600 Baht. 10pm: Back to hotel, to meet Escort girl – cost 3000-4000 Baht. Head out to Nana Plaza to a beer bar, or Soi 8 street bar – cost 1000 baht. You probably notice that this routine adds up to more than my daily budget of 5000 Baht….well, I’ve sort of factored that in. Days where I overspend mean cutbacks on the following day to get back on track. The Jomtien trip will help with this……

Day 4 is a cutback day. Last night’s Escort, ‘H’, and the beers afterwards put me in deficit. Today I don’t book an Escort lady. Instead, this evening, I venture back to Kick Off bar on Soi 4. I’m half hoping that the young plump girl, Em, from 2 nights ago isn’t there…but she is, and makes a bee-line for my table. She’s actually good company,  but repeats her offer of being taxi driver and companion for my 2 night stay in Jomtien. It’s awkward, as it is quite an appealing offer. However, I intend to meet two sisters of my ex-girlfriend, who run a pool bar down in Jomtien, to enquire after my ex, who completely cut contact with me 2 years previously, and I’m not sure how this meeting will pan out. I can’t remember whether I explained this situation to Em about my ex, made some sort of polite excuse, or simply plead poverty – either way, she appears to accept my excuse and another ‘Bangkok promise’ is avoided.

I’ve never travelled to Pattaya by bus or minivan before (having always previously taken a taxi or had a girlfriend driving) so next morning is new territory – heading to Ekamai Bus Station. Finding the minivan couldn’t be easier, and I’m in a cramped seat for the next 2hrs for the cost of 150 Baht – 10% of the price of a taxi. It’s no great sacrifice for the sake of 2 hours. At Bali Hai pier in Pattaya I take a motorbike taxi to Jomtien Soi 5 – cost 100 Baht. In hindsight I could have got a Minivan to Jomtien Bus Station for the same 150 Baht but it’s a fair walk with luggage from Jomtien Bus station to Soi 5. I check in to a stylishly decorated, well-appointed room in the Fifth hotel and chill out for the rest of the afternoon. I head up to the deserted rooftop fitness centre at 6pm and do 30 mins on the cross-trainer. I’m a bit nervous of visiting my girlfriend’s sister’s pool bar later…..I don’t know how I’ll be received or what story I might hear. I go for a cheap BBQ Seabass dinner at Romphoe Food market, just across the main road. Then I brace myself and make the short walk into the beer bar complex and locate the sisters’ pool bar. As I round the corner and approach, I first see the illuminated bar sign – OK, it looks like the bar is still trading. (These businesses come and go on a wing and a prayer). I get as close the neighbouring bar and a little frisson of shock hits me as I think I see my girlfriend, standing by the pool table, staring in my direction but past me into the middle-distance. Suddenly, I see her eyes widen and she makes an ‘Ohhh’ shape with her mouth. She says my name in total surprise and looks towards the bar. The next surprise for me is….it’s not my girlfriend but her older sister – I realise this as I have come closer out of the gloom. Older sister shouts my name in the direction of the bar….and younger sister appears looking in total shock, but half-smiling. They look stunned but come towards me and give me a hug and beckon me to sit down, asking what the hell I’m doing there and if I’m okay. The last time they saw me I was in a dreadful state mentally, and probably physically. They seem to look relieved at my appearance and demeanour as I talk to them calmly, telling them I’m staying for 2 nights. I enquire after their sister, my ex, saying, ‘you don’t need to give me any details……..just tell me she’s OK’. ‘She in England. Hab new boyfriend…she OK’. This didn’t phase me much, if at all. I was by now under no illusions that she hadn’t moved on. My only concern was about her well-being, as our last contacts had alluded to the ‘health problem’. I was just very relieved that she was okay. ‘Whereabouts in England is she?’  ‘Scotland’. You’ve gotta love the Thais……

I spent the rest of the evening at the pool bar with my ex’s two sisters, playing bad pool, reminiscing and generally joking around. I’m remembered by them as an incompetent Mor-Doo (fortune teller) and I read their palms with amusing results that prove to be completely factually incorrect when put under scrutiny. Scrolling through my photographs, the elder sister spotted a photo of the late comedian Benny Hill groping a large woman on a bus (it’s a scene from The Italian Job). ‘Who he?’ she asks. ‘My friend Benny in UK’, I tell her, ‘…a very rich man’. Her eyes widen and she asks if she can come to the UK to ‘take care him’. I tell her I will propose this to Benny, (who I will speak to beyond the grave). They ask what I’m doing tomorrow…..not much was the answer. ‘Do you want to see young P?’ ‘Young P’ is their 10 year old niece who I adored and watched grow from a toddler while I was with my ex. We often looked after her and babysat her while her mother (my ex’s youngest sister) was at work. ‘Yes’ I replied. ‘She love Sushi now….you can go meet for lunch with her’. This would be a nice surprise and treat – a Sushi buffet lunch would not go amiss at all.

Next morning I have a hangover (beer and not enough sleep), but raise myself and head downstairs to the International breakfast buffet. A large banqueting room overlooking the pool and they have everything. Its pushing 10am, towards the end of the service but the place is still packed. Still half asleep, I fill a bowl with yoghurt and fresh fruit pieces and settle down for some people-watching. The punters are without doubt ‘filling their boots’, heaping plates with mish-mashes of breakfast cuisine and dashing back to their tables to scoff down before returning to the serving stations. This gluttony no doubt will stave of their hunger until the evening, allowing them to forego lunch expenses. I remember that I am going for a sushi lunch myself, and so eat cautiously. A small bowl of cereal and a black coffee. Later I get a LINE message that my lunch party has arrived. I come down to the lobby and see smiling young ‘P’, with all three of the ex’s sisters in tow. I don’t mind a bit – this will be a convivial lunch. ‘P’ has gotten tall. We head to a place they know on Jomtien’s Thapprasit Road – which is supposedly good value along with being excellent in quality. The cab ride proves amusing, as last night’s mention of Benny Hill is remembered and the subject raised again, with eldest sister enquiring how realistic it might be that she could come to the UK and ‘take care’. ‘How old is he?’ she asks. ’95’, I tell her.  The sisters jabber back and forth heatedly, elder sister raises a cry in dismay and I hear the taxi driver next to me chuckling. ‘What are you saying?’ I ask. Another sister says, ‘We are talking about if Benny still needs to boom-boom!’ I look back at the driver and he’s now in hysterics. ‘Only if you promise not to kill him’, I reply.

We have a very nice, fun lunch at the sushi restaurant – the name of which I didn’t pay attention to. Young ‘P’ demonstrated an impressive appetite, demolishing her choices – no picky eater here. As usual I’d over-ordered – Sashimi, Sushi and Bento box. ‘P’ watched me nursing the remains of the Bento box. Eventually, I waived the white flag and she leapt forward like a starving vulture and made short work of what I’d left – this kid likes her sushi. We amassed quite a bill and middle sister offered to ‘go halves’ with me…..I was grateful. In all, it was a very enjoyable afternoon. That evening I returned to the pool bar for a couple of hours to give them some custom and company. Apparently they do well on weekends; the middle sister’s French-Canadian partner brings in custom via his friends and countrymen. I paid my bill, said ‘farewell for now’ and headed back towards the sea-front and Thapprasit road bar area. I opted for Country Bar – having spent fun nights here with the ex in the past. It’s a busy place with a resident band that do some hilariously lousy covers of popular rock songs (and a few fairly decent numbers as well). On previous visits, my trained eye hadn’t been run over the clientele but now, as a single male, it was. There seemed to be few if any freelancers in the bar, just a mix of mainstream tourists, local expats, and local Thais. The waitresses were all plumpish and 40ish or older……except one. She was about 30, slim, elegant and had an attractive face….with a serious or even ‘pained’ expression. She didn’t look as though she was enjoying her work but her good looks had caught my attention and I was hoping she would either join me or at least serve me during her rounds. Alas, although she came close to serving me a couple of times, someone else always seemed to catch her attention. I wasn’t particularly fussed about having any female companionship on this part of the trip – a) because it was allowing me to stay on budget – b) I was going back to Bangkok for another 4 nights and c) It would give my libido a chance to properly recover.

A bit later I heard raised voices behind me and the unmistakable drone of an irate Brit. My nice looking waitress had seemingly got his drinks order wrong. A whisky and a separate coke instead of a whisky and mixer together. A quick glance round confirmed he looked like an ex-pat rather than a tourist. My nice waitress retreated back to the bar area while senior wait staff tried to pacify the Brit to no avail. He ramped up the volume of his complaints – he was completely losing the plot over what sounded like 100 Baht. Security staff came over, he ranted and raved and I lost interest and moved tables. The rest of the night passed without incident. At the end of the night, the bar staff move you outside to the terrace but let you finish your drinks while they pack up the inside of the bar. I got talking to an interesting Thai lady who looked late 40s, maybe early 50s. She seemed interested that I was from London, mentioned a place called ‘Eton Dorney’ and said she had been coaching her team that day. Then I saw Olympic Rings on a neck chain, and I dimly recalled that ‘Eton Dorney’ was a venue for the rowing events London 2012 Olympics. ‘Are you a rower?’ I asked. ‘Yes…..I’m a five-times Olympian. I used to train in Germany with their Olympic team and competed at my last Olympics in London 2012 – I was always the only rower in the Thai Olympic Team.’ We chatted for another little while before saying goodnight. Wow – I had just met the Thai Steve Redgrave! It’s amazing who you meet sometimes.

I left Jomtien the next day with a sense of relief – I had found out that my ex-girlfriend was well and safe – it put my mind at ease. The journey back to Bangkok by minivan was punctual and uneventful and I returned to Hope Land hotel in Sukhumvit Soi 8. On check-in I was informed that I was being upgraded to a ‘Superior Deluxe’ suite. Upstairs I found a bigger room with nicer decor on the quiet side away from the construction site next-door. Another bonus – the kitchen area had a washing machine…..which proved timely for my accumulated dirty laundry and the fact that I’d packed light. I put a wash on, and wasted no time in going back onto the Escort website. I chose a pretty girl, ‘A’ in her late twenties who had a charming little big, boasting that she was ‘100% Thai and olive-skinned’. She sounded friendly, had great pictures in her profile and I looked forward to meeting her. I went out at 8 PM to DET5 restaurant on Soi 8 and had a memorable dinner – the chicken and cashew-nut dish was a level above any similar versions I had tried. Such a simple dish, but the quality and small details such as the smoky dried chillies and the flavour of the gravy elevated it above the norm. Also their fried Morning Glory and garlic was a cut above the usual. Steamed rice and fresh coconut to drink – total cost was less than 600 Baht but for great quality.

I got back to the hotel about 30 mins before ‘A’s arrival and I was looking forward to it. I found her in reception, beaming at me as I walked towards her. She was bubbly and cheerful in the lift and walk-up to the room and she continued in this vein. She was wearing a fetching little ‘all-in-one’ halter-top and shorts garment that flattered her slim figure but with curves in all the right places. ‘A’ was 30 and by day, said she was a property developer and real estate agent. She was in a design-and-build business partnership with an Architect, and she showed me completed projects on her phone – nice high spec. finishes. It appeared that she was no dead-beat then. And what she’d shown me gave me an idea. We could do a little fun role-play – I could be a rich but hesitant prospective buyer and she could be an undersexed real estate agent. She assented as soon as I suggested it, and in fact took to it with great enthusiasm. After some preamble (to let the tension build) looking round the ‘property’ I said I’d have to consult with my legal team and building surveyor…….at which point she dropped to her knees, and you can guess the rest. Samuel Beckett it ain’t. After some great bed action I was pretty worn out. Without prompting, she got me to lie on my front and gave me a pretty decent Thai massage for about 20 mins (back and front). She then looked at her watch. ‘Up, up…come on. You have another shot!’ Imagine a Gogo girl saying this to you in 2024….it just wouldn’t happen. Alas, I thought what had taken place earlier couldn’t be topped and I was completely satiated. She was almost disappointed but kept to her bubbly, cheery manner. We ran the clock down with idle chit-chat and I was sorry to see her leave. I paid ‘A’ 4,000 Baht for 2 hours for what I consider was an excellent value-for-money GFE. You would never have an experience like this in the West for the same money.

Back in Bangkok, I kept to my daily routine. One way for clawing back a bit on my daily overspends was to grab one of those microwave chicken and rice dinners from 7-11 instead of eating at a restaurant every single night. 50 Baht instead of 500-600 Baht went some way to aiding that. Visiting the Soi 8 street bar every night, I ran into two fellow Englishmen who seemed friendly enough. They were 30-somethings but definitely not infected with the wokeism that afflicts their generation and I sensed they looked at me as a non-judgemental fellow traveller. One of the lads had one of those elaborate hipster moustaches and seemed a bit aloof – he was the alpha dude. His mate was friendlier and more down to earth. He lamented the dating scene back in the UK for men of his age….’so we came here a couple of years ago and never looked back. Some of these girls, I bar-fine ’em and take em back to the hotel and just like cuddling ’em’. I nodded in complete understanding. They were staying at my hotel and told me that next day they were off to a high-end restaurant they’d heard about, to have the tasting menu. That’s something different – I’m always interested to know how people spend their days in Bangkok.

On night 2 back in Bangkok, and keeping up my Groundhog Day, I visited the Agency website again and opted to re-book ‘S’ from my previous week in the capital. She hadn’t been a great performer that night but she was so good-looking and sweet, I wanted her company again. I really fancied her. When we got to the room, she stripped off straight away and got into bed with very little pre-amble or chat, which was a shame, as I like letting the tension build. Again, she wasn’t a great performer but I could make allowances for spending time with such a cute girl. We had some pillow talk for a while. She told me it was her birthday in two days’ time and she might be alone on that night. I realised that would be my last night in Bangkok before flying home to the UK. I said ‘If you’re alone, give me a call or message on LINE and I’ll take you to Wine Connection or wherever you want to go…..no pressure.’ She said she’d think about it. Then she surprised me by handing me her phone and saying….’Go on, score yourself!’ ‘Huh?’ ‘Review. For lady’. Well blow me. It turns out that the Escort girls on this site actually review their customers. We had better be on our best behaviour then. Presumably if you carry too low a rating, the ladies won’t agree to taking the booking. It sounds like a fair system. I didn’t know what to write, so she took the phone back off me and wrote, ‘Just great’. She started making to leave after only an hour and ten minutes and I didn’t protest – realistically we weren’t going to go another round and she probably had somewhere to be. She’d sussed that I liked her and was a soft touch. I gave her a nice review after she left.

Day 3 passed without incident. The weather in Bangkok at this time of late November was perfect – no rain, dry heat during the day and a comfortable t-shirt temperature at night. I realise haven’t mentioned the nightlife areas much – simply because my interest in these places was low on this trip. I was however doing a nightly walking ‘lap’ of the lower end of Soi 4 – from basecamp in Soi 8 I was taking the shortcut through to Soi 6′ from ‘Lolita’s alleyway’ and then traversing the Soi 6 dog-leg round to Soi 4. This puts you right in the thick of all the Vietnamese freelancers that line Soi 4 from the junction with Soi 6 down to the Nana Hotel. There were there in great numbers, had a few decent lookers among them and a few quick enquiries established a short-time asking price of 1500 Baht. I was tempted to take one good looking sweet-sounding 30-somthething lady and regret that I didn’t. Instead, I returned to base and you guessed it, went back on the Escort agency site. Again, I re-booked ‘Ann’, the big-titted girl I’d booked on my first night in Bangkok the week previously. One of her Agency photos featured her magnificent breasts bursting out of a lacy white bra and she wore a matching pair of lacy white panties. On the booking form, under ‘special requests’, I wrote, ‘Please wear the white lingerie in Agency photo’. ‘Ann’ arrived in a fetching red dress and flawless make-up. In the room we had a chit-chat on the sofa and I pulled the neckline of her dress down slightly to reveal a lacy white bra. ‘Is this the right one?’, She asked. Indeed it was, and it called for something extra. I got up and said ‘wait a sec’. I realised that in my little bag of tricks at the bottom of my case, I probably had some matching white hold-up stockings. I have a major stockings fetish and usually bring a few packs with me on trips to Thailand. The girls always agree to wearing them. I found the pack of white hold-ups and asked ‘Ann’ to put them on, which she agreed to matter-of-factly. She removed her red dress and I enjoyed watching her put on the stockings – almost the best part! To be honest, she didn’t have the best pair of legs – a little too skinny for my taste – but the overall effect of her matching lingerie make the extra detail worthwhile. We had a pleasant time together. She asked me about girlfriends and I asked her about boyfriends. She’d been married in Germany for a few years but things didn’t work out and she’d hated the winters. I mentioned my Thai ex and that we’d split after I became mentally unwell. ‘Oh. Are you crazy?’ she asked innocently.

My last full day in Bangkok rolled around and you’re probably keen to read that I was determined not to use the Escort agency for company this evening. I would see instead what fate would bring. One good thing that happened today was with my music recording. I had a song that I’d been working on for about 3 months where I just couldn’t nail down the chorus. The original melodic idea was good, but my voice just couldn’t cut it – you would need a top vocalist to perform the melody line well enough. On my mid-morning walk in the deserted Benjakiti park, I busked out a couple of alternative melody and lyric ideas until I hit on something catchy – yeah, that would work nicely. A gardener sweeping leaves briefly looked over at a crazy farang squawking to himself into a mobile phone. (I used the voice recorder so I wouldn’t forget the idea). After a laid-back lunch in Terminal 21’s food court I went back to the hotel to make music history. I actually nailed the vocal in two or three takes, having to sing quite loudly so that it sounded right. I was very pleased with the end result – a great day’s work. While having my coffee on the street terrace, I saw the two English lads getting out of a taxi – they’d just been for a soapy massage, good lads.

That evening, I headed down to Soi Cowboy….not with the intention of going to any gogo bars – instead I was bound for Country Road. Soi Cowboy was bustling and looked to be back to its pre-Covid self. Country Road was about half-full but more patrons were arriving as I sipped the first beer. I clocked a couple of pairs of single women – one I was sure had already ‘rabbitted’ me. A decent band were finishing their set and another group started setting up as soon as they had finished. The second band were also a pro outfit and they were soon performing decent cover versions. My eyes wandered back to rabbit girl – her and her friend were definitely alone and at one point she raised her bottle to me but I can’t remember if I did it first. Eventually I walked over to them and they gestured for me to sit with them. The band was lively and the girls danced; I refused dancing but played some dopey air guitar and they joined in. Rabbit girl was quite a decent looker and her dancing allowed me to check out the figure – another tick. A French guy leaned over and said, ‘You’re lucky, man. I was trying to get her attention all night. Good-looking girl’. We had a nice time listening to the band and her friend eventually waved goodnight. Me and Rabbit girl stayed for another round. After we left Country Road, she took me out onto main the Sukhumvit strip near the Soi Cowboy petrol station. A friend of hers had a street bar and she wanted us (me) to give the friend a bit of custom – I bought them a couple of rounds. Then we taxied it back to Chez Hope Land. She was a nice performer in bed – however I was too drunk to finish and had to defer until morning. My flight wasn’t until late evening so I would be in no rush next day. Morning came round and she was soon up for some action – this time I got over the line. She was around 30ish but surprisingly spoke no English. She made no overtures about leaving so I thought this might be a ‘human crazy glue’ day. I think she understood through mime gestures and me packing that I was going home that evening. Around midday we wandered to the bottom of Soi 8, crossed over to Soi 7 and went to the excellent and popular open-air Thai restaurant on the corner of Sukhumvit. You often have to wait for a table outside on the Soi, and they give you a queue number. Food is great and prices are reasonable – the place is popular with locals. I was planning on going back to the hotel to work a bit on music but Rabbit girl was still tagging along. I couldn’t entertain her as we couldn’t communicate and she wasn’t the sharpest tool. I was now sure I’d have her with me all the way to the airport departure gate. Eventually I did something routine (laundry?) that triggered her to leave. ‘Okay darling, see you’ I said. ‘Money……for take care’, she said. I gave her 2000 Baht and we swapped LINE contacts.

I sighed with relief that I could go to the airport alone as I always get quite stressed about not being late for flights. I now had loads of time to make the airport trip, so I took the MRT to Makkasan and picked up the Airport Link train to Suvarnabhumi. It wasn’t much hassle doing this with a light backpack and saved another 500-600 Baht. I surveyed my funds at the airport and had about 1500 Baht remaining from my 60,000 12 day budget. Not bad going considering the quality of girls I’d had from the Escort agency and the hassle-free process it had been. I’d even had some nice follow up messages on WhatsApp from two of them, sweet girls. I’d really enjoyed this trip. Hotels were good, days were hassle-free, the food I had probably enjoyed more than any previous trip. It had also been a real tonic for my depression. I’m convinced by the Escort girl model and it’s a good fit for me:

-2500 – 4000+ Baht for two hours, includes two ‘shots’

-Escort comes directly to me

-Helps me cut alcohol consumption as I’m not chasing women in a bar / Gogo

-No barfines or lady drinks to factor in

-Time management – you know when they are arriving and leaving

-Escorts have a performance incentive – via the customer reviews and rating system

-Arguably safer – for the same reason (reviews and ratings)

-Special requests – you can request the Escort dresses in lingerie, maid, schoolgirl, Nazi officer, etc

High service satisfaction rates – around 85% (personal experience)

I sat in the departures area feeling fairly satisfied that this was a sustainable and repeatable model for my circumstances. I live like a monk in the UK anyway, even without the prospect and budgeting incentives of six-monthly visits to Thailand, so I have nothing much to lose. I mused on this as my phone vibrated. I took it out and saw Rabbit girl had messaged ‘Hello’ a couple of times on LINE. It could be the start of something beautiful………

Until next time,
HUNCH

The writer of this article can be reached at : straightwhitehope@yahoo.co.uk