Readers' Submissions

COVID The Bar Killer

  • Written by Anonymous
  • May 22nd, 2020
  • 6 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok

One statement from an official: “If the number of new cases in the country continues to drop, it is possible that their businesses (bars) will be permitted to reopen, but they must conform to the new normal for public safety.

So what does that mean?

Well, it is not going to be less stringent than the existing rules. And anybody who reckons that after going through all the social distancing rules shopping at Tesco they will be able to pop into a bar, where some totally different lax rules will apply, is utterly delusional.

“Leave your mask and sanitizer at the door”… Naaa, not gonna be like that.

– Table separation of 1 metre.

– Social distancing, maybe one or maximum two people to a table.

– Masks worn.

– Temperature checking.

– Sanitizing, sanitizing and, you guessed it, more sanitizing.

– Two hours maximum.

– Staff wearing masks, latex gloves, maybe even the Perspex visors.

– Thai Chana location logging.

The physical distance separation will mean that bars such as TQ on Pattaya’s Beach Road will simply not be able to open. Soi 6? Difficult to see how they can open up. If all the girls were socially distanced, they would only be able to have about three or four maximum at the front. Without a 10 to 15 bevvy of young ladies and decent atmosphere, guys are not going to bother going. And what happens after a session? Presumably a pair of Hazmat suited cleaners move in and sanitize the rooms.

The popular music bars will be required to reduce the number of customers allowed by 70% or so. They won’t make any money, so they’re not going to re-open.

I will certainly not be visiting any social venues where I am forced to be distanced from my friends and have to shout over the music through a mask. And the girls? Well, if you can’t see the girl’s face, and she is reluctant to approach customers through all the social distancing brainwashing, who is going to buy a lady drink? It was the “fee” to have an attractive girl sit in close proximity for a bit of “contact”. If they are only allowed to sit one meter away, well, I get that for free anyway. No more lady drinks in that case. That’ll save me a lot of money and hammer another nail in the coffin of dead bars.

Want a game of pool, Connect 4, Jenga? More bloody sanitizer. Will they have a girl at the pool table sanitizing the cues, balls and table after every shot, or customer? Maybe latex gloves might be the solution. Bring your own, or get charged extra by the bar.

The governments and the media have got the whole planet shit-scared over this virus. And Asians do seem to be the ones who have really taken it to heart. Maybe it is the herd mentality.

But this time it is not just the service provider who will be worried. A large percentage of the “casual” punters are also living in fear. Despite the drive to have sex, the fear of dying, or catching a virus and taking it back home, will be strong. Conceivably you might be detected with a temperature before getting on the plane back home. That would put you in isolation for two weeks at least before being allowed to fly.

Only the hard-line mongers will be prepared to undergo a 15-hour trip to Thailand to attempt a two-week bonkathon of maybe 10 to 20 girls. Not going to happen for the less hardcore. And maybe no longer even possible. The girls may not even be that willing to go with customers.

Whilst there will always be a demand and supply for sex, in the current climate of fear, how could a bargirl encounter for the night pan out? If, indeed, a willing but fearful girl can even be found. Even the cashiers in Makro and 7/11 shy away if I offer money by hand, now it has to go into a little basket.

It will start with the girls. Will they all carry a temperature gun in their handbags?

“Wanna watch TV in my room?”

“One moment, ka. Just need to check your temperature, ka. And do you have a mask, condom, latex gloves and sanitizer, ka?”

Back at the hotel, provided hotels and guesthouses allow non-guests to visit rooms. Temperature, sanitizer, Thai Channa.

Hand sanitizer, followed by a body sanitizer, face masks strictly worn, no direct oral contact of any sort. Cheeks, mouth, neck, boobs, nipples, back, arms all off limits. Get the job done as quickly as possible to minimise risk, followed quickly by more body sanitizing. No overnight stays. Maybe even have to pull on latex gloves before squeezing a tit is allowed.

We could even be restricted to a handjob by a Perspex mask wearing girl with latex gloves. Well, fuck that!

(Apropos, I am almost certain that the massage girls will be required in future to wear a Perspex mask and latex gloves. No more massages for me in that case either).

A beer and Pornhub are looking like the best option. Maybe even the only reasonable option. There are even COVID mask vids now, you can check it out.

I will have to revisit the life-size and lifelike dolls on Ali-Express. I can see that they might not only lose their stigma, but even become very popular. Hope she will slip through customs without an issue.

I get the feeling that most people are still in denial. There are still a lot of optimists posting, “Look, we’re reopening, just a few initial problems and we’ll be back to normal.”

No, we bloody well won’t.

There is going to be, in terms of 250,000 years of social human behaviour, a new utterly abnormal era.

From responses on local Facebook forums outside of Pattaya, there is surprising support from the older expats to keep the bars closed. I have been firmly told that the last thing we need now are the bars to re-open. I should stop complaining, the government is doing a great job in protecting us all, and that “we do not need to re-open these unnecessary social venues for a very long time”. A recent survey in Thailand showed 80% of Thais in favour of keeping the bars closed.

As long as this atmosphere of fear continues, reinforced by the constant sanitizing, social distancing and electronic monitoring, bars as we have known them will no longer exist. The dread of a “second wave” has gained traction.

Socialising will move to private houses and gardens, BBQ and beers from the supermarket with a group of friends will become the new norm. This has, indeed, already begun.

So what could change this?

1) A global reversal of government pandemic responses.

or

2) A huge backlash from people who are fed up with it all.

or

3) The lunatics are removed from managing the asylum.

or

4) For the first time ever an effective and cheap corona virus vaccine is made globally available.

or

5) ???

Welcome to the New World. We ain’t going back this time.

I hope all that turns out to be unnecessary fear mongering. In which case I apologise in advance, and will eat my COVD mask.

The author of this article cannot be contacted.