Readers' Submissions

The Stack Theory

  • Written by Java
  • February 6th, 2020
  • 3 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok

I have a slightly different take on dating in the Philippines to Riding The Waves, who recently wrote the Dating In the Philippines 6-part series. I recently read a well-written article on Red Cat that remarked that the women of Manila have changed remarkably towards westerners in the last ten years. There are far more middle-class maidens in Manila now than ever and their tastes towards western men have changed. They’ve become picky. There are so many westerners to choose from that they want younger, better-looking, and more financially-secure men. And they are willing to settle for a middle-class Pinoy of the same age instead of an old, overweight westerner. Something similar has happened in Bangkok, though the middle-class in Bangkok is substantially larger.

I think the article has merit and the gentleman has quite a bit of experience in dating Manila damsels. But I have sampled the upper-class lasses of the capital city many times. Now, I’m in my early 50’s, good looking, retired, and financially secure. I found these ladies easy to talk to and date. They were well-educated and came from good families. They had professional jobs and the ones I dated were very good looking. I did have my ups and downs. I was rejected by some and had wonderful experiences with others. Often, my first date was accompanied by a family member as a chaperone. In a country where family is a big deal, families were an outsized deal to all of these upper-class lasses.

I’m a big believer in the Stack Theory (a real theory used by marriage counselors and psychologists). The Stack Theory states that you will date anyone for three dates. But you won’t date someone with a different sized stack beyond that. You see, everyone has a stack of problems. If you are an alcoholic, your stack of problems goes up, if you’re attractive – they go down. If you are poor – your stack increases, if you have a good job – the stack decreases. Speak English? Stack size goes down. Have a couple of fatherless kids at home? It goes up. And so on. People who marry or have long-term relationships ALWAYS have a similar sized stack. It’s just made up of different things.

Everyone reading this can assess their stack size. Glomming on to a bargirl long-term probably means you have a horrifyingly large stack. Dating an upper-class Manila woman long-term, means you have game. For most of us, we are somewhere in between. You’ll wade through the dating sites and find someone who fits your stack size – eventually. Or hit the malls to find someone in person. Flirting goes a long way in giving a positive first impression here. The woman I meet in malls or on the street are shy, but can be quite outgoing once you chat them up.

Meeting the right person is always a crap shoot in any country. It’s true here in the Philippines. I had a lot of first dates, but very few second dates outside of Manila – where you are going to find a more cosmopolitan woman – in general – than in the provinces. But you will find a lot of untapped potential in the provinces; women who have a lot going for them other than life experiences.

Riding the Waves is right, a lot of the Filipinas are getting bigger around the waist, but there are millions to choose from and they come in all shapes and sizes. Age difference isn’t always a big deal and white skin is highly desired. You can be anybody with any sized stack and find an acceptable partner in life in the Philippines. I view it as the best dating ground in the world and I’ve been to 51 countries.

I took my time and found the right woman for me. I could have stayed single forever in this land of infinite beauties. But once you find the right woman, there is no need to look any further. Actually, she found me and I had to furiously reduce the size of my stack to even things out between us – and I’m glad that I did.

Stick’s thoughts:

What you describe about middle-class local women being much more choosy these days when it comes to Western men is happening all over South-East Asia.

While I welcome articles about the Philippines, it would be nice if we had some about Thailand.

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