Stickman Readers' Submissions February 6th, 2020

Out Of The Blue

In the autumn of 2003, a friend who had also recently gone through a messy divorce persuaded me to join him on a trip to Thailand. It was my first visit to South-East Asia, having previously holidayed across Europe and the USA.

He was keen to make up for lost time as a singleton, but having been hurt emotionally & financially by my cheating ex, I was just looking forward to my first decent, relaxing holiday now that I was getting back on my own two feet again after 6 years of relative hard times.

He Clinic Bangkok

Bangkok was our point of entry, and the hotel on the outskirts in east Bangkok was part of the Dusit group, and the standards were very good, with plenty of amenities nearby too.

A short taxi ride into Onnut, we hopped on-board the BTS, and we were soon being mesmerised by the sights, sounds, tastes and ambience of the bar areas and Soi Cowboy.

My mate was like a kid in a candy store or a ‘dog with two dicks’ as they say where I was dragged up!

CBD Bangkok

All of his Christmas’s had arrived at once, and he was beaming like a Cheshire cat. “Look at her, and her, and her…they’re all gorgeous.” His voice in my head as write this is as clear as that first night 17 years ago!

After some street food and a few beers, his brain shifted further south and it wasn’t long before he had his arms around two of Bangkok’s finest, politely informing me that he was off to find a room for some action.

I waved him on, wishing him luck, and continued to enjoy watching and listening to a couple of live bands in the fine drinking company of a young lady who was nice enough, but not my cup of meat.

Don’t get me wrong, I was flattered to have such a young lady telling me what she’d like to do to me, but I knew deep down that she was probably lonelier than I was, and was just going through the motions to earn some cash.

I thanked her for her company, wished her the best of luck and gave her enough cash for a few decent meals, and headed back to the hotel.

wonderland clinic

After a hot shower I received a text message from my mate that said, “See you in a few days!” That was it. I was pleased for him, and as long as he treated the girls with respect, I had and still have no issues with guys and girls who enjoy what they’re doing.

The following morning, my intestines and bowels were like an active volcano.

After a few trips to the loo, I’d roughly calculated that I’d have about 20 minutes freedom before the next eruption. I nipped down the road to a small chemist shop, where the lady was just opening up for the day.

As a self-confessed ‘leg man’ I couldn’t help but notice her beautiful legs as she bent and then slowly stretched in order to raise the shutter at the front of the shop. Her calf muscles were perfectly accentuated by the court shoes that she was wearing, and her skin glistened as the sun caught them.

Going off on a slight tangent, flip-flops, sliders and Crocs© are passion killers to me! They’re fine around the house to keep dust and any loitering insects off your feet but please, but out and about around town, “NOOOOO!” They can’t be good for your feet. Take trip to the malls and you see ladies beautifully dressed from head to ankle, and then the look is spoiled by flat footed footwear. I’m not advocating that ladies should always wear ‘killer heels’ but a slight elevation will do your gait a world of good.

Anyway, let’s get back on track…

I followed her into the small shop and asked if she had any Imodium to help with my predicament. She was still getting herself ready, and I noticed that she squirted the last bits of perfume onto her wrists before cursing in Thai and discarding the bottle. “I recommend this” she said in very good English, placing a bottle of Flying White Rabbit on the counter. “You might need to watch what you eat for a few days” was followed by a polite snigger.

In my rush to the shop I’d forgotten my wallet, but after telling her where I was staying, my room number and letting her see my passport, she said “OK, pay me later, I trust.”

It was the following morning before I began to feel better. The chalky-textured-rabbit-juice had worked its magic and I was ready to venture out.

Prior to going to the chemist’s to pay my debt, I went in to the mall near the hotel (Seacon Square) and bought a small bottle of perfume for her as a thank you gift.

I went into the shop and there she was; my “Sawat Dee Krap” was greeted by her “Sabai dee mai ka” which was promptly followed by my blank expression. I wasn’t clued up enough in those days to understand or respond!

“I’ve come to pay you for the medicine that you kindly let me have yesterday.”

“Oh, thank you” she replied, putting the money in the till and counting out my change.

I replied “And, I hope that you don’t mind, but I noticed yesterday that you’d used the last of your perfume before serving me, so I’ve bought you a gift as a sincere token of my appreciation and for trusting me.”


She unwrapped the gift with surgical precision. Her eyes welled up and then she said “Nobody give me present, I very happy, thank you so much.”

I left to explore what the area had to offer.

Around 7 PM that evening, the phone in my room rang and the receptionist said that there was someone to see me in reception.

My first thoughts were that it might be the police or a representative from the embassy to tell me that my mate was in trouble and needed my help. I grabbed my wallet, passport and took the lift down to the ground floor.

Glancing around reception, there were no police officers, or ‘men in black’ so I wondered over to the desk and asked who wanted to see me. The guy said, “The lady on the settee, in the white doctor coat.”

After exchanging greetings, and my pleasant surprise that she’d come to see me, we spent the next few hours (which felt like a few minutes) exchanging life stories over a bottle of wine before parting for the evening.

What happened during the following week will forever remain private between me and the Mrs, but I’m sure that your imagination will run riot over a brew and a biscuit, except to say that her beauty wasn’t only skin deep.

Fast forward to today.

We’ve been happily married now for 14 years. There’s never been a sick buffalo or distant relative in need of financial help, and her American ex hasn’t been in touch. Although she’ll be forever grateful to him for giving her the funds to set up the chemist shop as a parting settlement  – so if you’re reading this, “thank you” but she couldn’t live with your insatiable appetite for additional female company.

Ladies and gentlemen, the moral of my story is that if you’re looking for sex (like my mate – who incidentally had a wonderful time), go for it! There are loads of like-minded people whether they’re in bars, clubs, escort agencies, karaoke bars etc and its great fun!

If you’re looking for love, my advice is don’t try too hard.

Take your time, and don’t act as if you’re desperate.

Be nice and love will find you, like it did me, completely out of the blue.

nana plaza