Tale of an Online Romance, Part 2
After the Thai debacle, I decided to try to find a nice lady in Vietnam. I had worked with many Vietnamese ladies in the US (all married, and so unavailable) and had found them quite charming and attractive. Without a lot of difficulty, I found a nice one, and made contact.
Chatting went really well, led to video calling, and the inevitable sending of her increasingly sexy photos, to one day a video call when she “just happened” to be in the shower. This lady had two kids, pre-teen and teen, as she was early 40s, as opposed to the early 30s of the other lady.
At this point I should mention that I am quite aware of how divorced women are viewed in Asia, or even single ones once they are past a certain age. It’s been 29 years since I heard the joke in Japan: “Why is a lady like a Christmas cake? After 25, no one is interested.”
At the time I thought it was terrible, but since then I have seen this attitude in many a different country.
I planned to visit during Tet (which is the same time as the Chinese / lunar new year) so we could spend time together. I would stay at a hotel, then she would join me at a resort for a few days. I knew I should bring something for her, and her kids, and asked what it should be. She did ask for tennis shoes for her kids, (FILA) and a tennis top for her. Also red envelop for the kids, AND her parents. I somewhat realized this might be a red flag, but not a huge one. For me, the total wasn’t a lot (450 USD) and I was willing to invest in a happy future. After all, love is always a risk, isn’t it?
She met me at the airport, and we went to my hotel. Sex happened the same night, and was really nice. She seemed to enjoy it a lot, and the next few days were spent meeting her parents, kids, and touring her area. And having sex at night…
I liked it. A LOT. It’s a smaller city, the streets filled mostly with bicycles and scooters (she had one). I was easily able to walk about, from my hotel to her place, passing lots of little stores, restaurants serving both local and western cuisine, and I even found an expat owned bar / restaurant!
There I was easily and quickly able to get info on the cost of housing, scooters, etc. I already had a nice impression of Vietnam, and this just sealed the deal, so to speak.
Then, it happened.
We were having sex again, and she decided to suck me (again, a mild red flag, something she had not done before), and she recoiled. Despite my having showered (with her!!) just before, she essentially accused it of smelling bad “or worse”.
Yes, she accused me of having an STD.
This was odd, as I had been VERY open to her about my doctor visits (I get a regular check up, and blood and urine test 3x a year in addition to that). So I offered to show her the results online!
But she refused, and said her mood was broken. So, two days later I rode the bus alone to the airport, having said goodbye via text.
After I got back, I co-incidentally had another doctor check two weeks later. When those results were in, I sent her via email a screenshot of the results. Her reply (which, to be honest, I really didn’t expect) was, “I am glad to see this. Indeed, this issue did destroy our meeting.”
And so there it is. I did not reply to that note. For a long time I was (and still am) a bit conflicted. Of course a mother of two should be careful. But, on the other hand she KNEW I was a regular visitor to a doctor in the USA. She knew I could show her, ONLINE my test results.
But still she acted that way. And near the end of the visit.
Was she just trying to get a nice Tet holiday and gifts for her and her kids / parents? Seems odd, to be honest. She has a nice job with a good company, and has the lifestyle to prove it. I would think the embarrassment would overcome the slight monetary gain.
But, she had also told me other things, that I now wondered if they were true. She had told me that she gave food and money to a young woman with a small child who was begging in the area.
Now, during my visit, I had had the chance to walk about the area quite a lot. Not ONCE did I see ANYONE begging, or even looking homeless. As I work in a major US city, I am quite used to seeing both. So I wondered why, at a season when I would have expected beggars to be hitting hard for donations, why I saw none.
So there it is. Two visits, two strike-outs.
I’m certainly not off the idea of living a few years in Asia. I’m not even off the idea of on-line dating overseas. But I do in fact wonder if I might need to look for a lady once I’m local, so to speak.
I think it’s very hard to start up a relationship when you live in one country and she lives in another. Sure, some have managed to make such a relationship work but I think being so far apart just increases the difficulty of a cross-cultural relationship working – which is already a challenge in itself. My advice would be to first find a country (and a region / city) you like, move there – and then I am sure you will have a much better chance to find someone to form a relationship with.
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