A Second Year Farang Perspective…Any Fun Left?
Is there still fun in Thailand? Can the average guy still find a diamond in the LOS? And what draws us like a magnet to one of the hottest, most humid, most polluted countries on this earth? Vexing questions that I am still exploring answers for, but the gravitational pull is already on lock down.
I want to qualify my submission early on here with an honest admission that I have only scratched the surface of Thailand so this might resonate best with my peer group. The punters and old hands might want to click out and read what I’ve found to be very good submissions by others with a lot of journalistic flair and a fair amount of time under their belt in Thailand. A credit to Stick’s editorial judgment. Also, we know there are exceptions to blanket statements but I won’t add that to the end of, or the start of every thought.
I don’t know everything about Thailand…shouldn’t really need to know everything right? But what I’ve experienced, learned and read in the last 18 months along with two trips to Thailand last year to meet and spend time with a beautiful Thai woman, has me wanting more, despite the beat-down from the choking Thai heat and congestion. It was reported on the news last week as the hottest place on earth. Rumor is heat and heat index records are being broken this summer…and a 108F heat index was cited in Pattaya last week.
And what about Thailand as a country? There’s royalty, there’s a prime minister, there’s the Army / military complex, the brown shirts and of course the monks and all that comes with being a friend of Buddha. Quite a mix, and I have no problem with any of it, giving it all due respect as I do the Thai people. It’s a third world country trying to crawl out of it. On my last trip in October 2018, I counted 22 construction cranes in BKK erecting even more commercial skyscrapers and in the outer suburbs a lot of light construction was ongoing elsewhere. There’s modern everything if one looks a little for it. But is Thailand being over run with obnoxious Chinese tourists? Is it losing its unique identity to capture every last baht of tourist money? Is it all worth it?
I am retired..financially sound..and can go anywhere in the world, I guess. So early last year when I hopped on a few of the Thai dating websites to peruse the thousands of profiles I started with one rule. Keep it fun. That rule has been my sidebar..and has helped keep everything in perspective. I had my mind set on a good Thai girl..with a job and car and basic English skills. Not that I wouldn’t think a bar girl to be attractive and seducing as well as instant GFE with minimal effort there. But I like the hunt, and I’m willing and able to cultivate a bond with a well-grounded Thai woman. It seems to me the bloom is off the rose on the bar industry, although Stick has a way of keeping it alive with his keen reports on the goings on up and down the soi and some great quality photos. Stick, you might be holding up the whole industry. <Many would say I constantly put it down! – Stick> It’s been 50 years since the Vietnam conflict brought US military bases to Thailand and the first green sprouts of the naughty bar girl industry. Since then I fear much has changed. Is it just a lot of carnival barking and bright lights? Are most bar girls just average looking and smart phone addicts? Is the Thai mafia, Russians, Brits and others too much in control? Mai pen rai.. I already did my fair share of supporting dancers here in my hometown in America where there’s no less than 20 strip clubs. I feel I paid plenty of bar fine and girl time equivalents. With rates in Thailand for long time ever-increasing, the mamasans leaning on your wallet to buy drinks, loud obnoxious music and hundreds of unsavory sex pats and a few just criminally minded..I’ll stay away. If I visited one of the areas of naughty nite life it would be early evening as things are getting going..and out before the first bar fine went down. Just not interested.
I’ve always been a fan of dark-skinned woman, as many of us are, and found Thai women to possess my preferred shade along with a tone and quality that in my mind trumps them all. Their oval-shaped eyes and pursed full lips that explode into a wall of white teeth has pulled a lot of wallets out of a lot of rear pockets and stolen hearts from millions of men. Yes..I am one. But it hasn’t done any damage and have no regrets so far.
So I started my Thai girlfriend search looking in distances closest to Suvarnabhumi Airport and worked out from there. Made it to Pak Kret (a few miles north of Bangkok) and got a hit.
It started with who we will call Sum..a beautiful 38-year-old from Buriram and a stone mason. Toned and fit from her job she came standard at 5 feet and a hundred pounds. Widowed about a year before I met her, two sons and both parents alive. They watch the sons and stay on the rice farm 15 miles out of Buriram while Sum works in Pak Kret as a mason on a meager salary. I came to know a little later she came to the website because she, like a lot on the site, was carrying the burden of her entire family and it was crushing her. Anyone here just starting in on searching Thai dating sites..keep that in mind. Thai women with great jobs and no financial responsibility (their duty) to their family are usually with Thai guys. And if you’re a cheap charlie, stay with the happy hours and beer bars. If you’re not willing to open the bank up a little, or a lot, to the good Thai girl experience you’re looking for..it’s not going to work. I’m sure there’s a happy hour with 100 baht beers somewhere for ya.
It has been said on Stickman there’s a large population of bar girls and whores on the more mainstream sites but I have found it to be a small percentage. If you’re looking for a good Thai woman..there’s plenty out there still..with a new crop every week. As has been said here..the economy in Thailand is progressing enough for good, non-bar girl jobs to be found and the middle class is growing. This might be putting the hurt on the bar industry as Stick has mentioned. Far less 10’s and 9’s.. more 3’s and 4’s. This puts good Thai girls in the spotlight. I would rate Sum a 7 or 8. She was fit and good looking..but I soon had to think of her as a starter girlfriend. She’s scared to do things like drive a car or motorbike, navigate an airport alone to hop on a plane, and other day-to-day things we assume Thais do. You don’t swim? I helped her financially for a while at about a 15,000 baht a month clip, and considered it money well spent. Like giving to charity with 100% going to the cause with no admin fees or tuition to Thai girl dating school. I learned a lot about the culture, about Thai women while with her. But with Sum the negatives soon outweighed the positives. Her English was bad..and contrary to the many cute pics, emoticons and GIFs she sent me online, once there with her I didn’t witness an ounce of romantic or sweet feminine qualities. Yes I know, not their strong point. Her shyness and lack of experience with a falang kicked in. No knowing looks, no eyes that tell you she’s in to you. The bloom came off the rose. Being sweet and romantic, unfortunately, doesn’t seem to be in their DNA because from what a good Thai woman friend told me, a lot of them have never experienced it, never witnessed it occurring or displayed in real time by their parents or others, and were not exposed to things like parental love or even marital love in an affectionate way while growing up. “You will be a worker…you will work..you will support the family… it is your duty”. And work they do. I was a little put off to learn just how hard Thais work. Day after day, 10-12 hours per day..with just an occasional Buddha day or “workers day” off every month or so. It’s hard for them to get time off from work and if they do..you’re going to pay them to not work. They need every baht to get by the month. Figure that cost into your trip. Pay long time 3000-4000 baht for a bar girl, or pay a good Thai girl her wages of about 500-1000 baht for a typical good girl daily salary. I’ll go the latter.
I was with Sum for a year all together..and spent 40 days with her in Thailand from two different trips. Being my first time to BKK..and wanting to entertain her as well as see the city..I took her to rooftop restaurants on Sukhumvit, visited the temples, took dinner boats on the river, toured Asiatique, bought her some clothes, stayed at nice hotels and spent a week in Pattaya at a splendid resort. Amazing what $50 US will get you for a real decent hotel with hot breakfast. And if you go $100 a day..it’s 5 star quality. There we visited her best friend and her crew and shared a butt load of durian. I bought her flowers..seemingly no big deal..to have her tell me it was the first time anyone ever did that for her..including her x- husband of 14 years. Do good Thai girls ever get gifts? The time I spent with her was fun and adventurous….she was a hand holder in public, excited about our itinerary, and the clothes came off in bed without asking. But kissing and necking wasn’t her forte’ and I assume not a honed skill with a large percentage of Thai girls. Hence the sniff kiss…which I’m fine with. Burying my nose in a wall of perfumed glossy flaxen Thai girl hair is something to remember and for me part of their allure. She never had anyone go south of the equator and I got a lot of “Oh my Gods” from the delight of tasting Thai.
Sum admitted being poor and in debt and I mistakenly put that aside to make room for the infatuation. But then the hammer fell. “How much debt you have” I said to her in a Line chat. The answer is between her and I, and all of it was not of her doing but was more than I was willing to tackle over time given I didn’t see a future with her. The youngest or only female in the family by custom..especially if her kids are being watched by Grandma and Grandpa back at the village farm-house, are burdened with not only supporting the family but paying down any accumulated family debt. Not sure if sons contribute after they go off and start a family but her brother got a pass. She had back taxes from the small construction company her and her dead hubby didn’t pay, a huge truck payment for a truck others drove, was only paying interest on the farm mortgage and then the day-to-day stuff. Was it the truth or a lie? Not entirely sure..but again it didn’t matter as I knew I wasn’t going much further with her. Like I said..I am retired and want to “keep it fun”. I just couldn’t fathom spending a large chunk of my portfolio on Thai taxes and home mortgage and truck payments. And the lack of flexibility in her life and absence of any hint of a sweetness factor drove it home for me. Time to end it and move on. I finally got the balls to tell her that, and we parted. I have no qualms helping out in a significant way, but tipping the piggy bank over wasn’t a box I wanted to click. Nevertheless, the hook was set. So I honed my search a little further. Cute Thai gal..job..car..small family. Little to no family debt and basic english skills. Back to the site..
After and before Sum, I met some other Thai gals online, all of whom had deal-breaking problems… Little things like being married, working a day and a night job and never being available, too young..too old..too beautiful and too ugly. It’s amazing what Thai girls will tell you. Sorting through it all as lies or truth must be a skill only a psychic possesses. The whole notion of saving face seems to create too many opportunities from little white lies that don’t matter, to a couple of WTFs? As for me, it really doesn’t matter at this point. Like Santa Claus said in Miracle on 34th Street, “If you can’t believe in anything on faith, then you’re doomed for a life of doubt.” Until I have iron clad proof of lying..I’ll go with it. I’m doing my due diligence like a good student of Stickman…and I will tread cautiously. Still so far…no regrets and mostly only good experiences.
Thailand to me is full of mystery. Starting with the mesmerizing women who perform traditional Thai dancing, the Issan region where it is said to possess the fairest Thai girls of all, its rich history of never being colonized by another country, its many islands..some of which may still be worth a visit, the food, the culture, the mind-blowing temples, the absence of criticism-complaining-whining, and of course the beautiful Thai women who pull you to them with a force like no other.
Then I met one who clicked all the boxes. Enter Nat.
Nat is 38, super good looking…fit…long glossy black hair, great smile that includes that strange indented two front teeth that so many Thai women have. She has a good job albeit way too busy, a driver’s license and car, passport, good place to live in NE Bangkok close to Suvarnabhumi and has a charm that sends me to the airfare websites for another booking. She’s happy and animated and speaks good enough English for us to talk about most anything in her world. Also..a manageable family size in case this goes long, long time. She’s always just getting by but not in debt. So my contributions will mostly go to having fun and helping where needed..to a point. Side note fellas, set that point and let them know it. Doesn’t matter how little or how much, just tell them up front as soon as you know you’re hooked and see your way into wanting helping out. Tell her what you will give them per month and stick to it. They were making it somehow before you fell from the sky..and they can surely make it with a little help from you. They need to know what you expect from them and them from you. Tell them. Neither Sum or Nat asked me for money. After a few months with each of them and doing some probing with focused questions, I sent them some financial support that was well received with crying emoticons and all sorts of thank yous. And whatever I’ve sent will never be missed and I know I helped them. If you like her..go after her and show her you care about her life..her family life ..help them out. But be prepared for the new tricks they play..no longer the dead buffalo..it’s things like..”my cell phone broke” Seems a lot of Thai girls drop their phones in the toilet. Truth or lie? Who knows..but I didn’t buy her a phone when she shared with me hers was broken. I was back in the USA and didn’t have first-hand knowledge. Turns out her daughter took it to the tech shop and it was repaired. Dodged that one. If their requests for money sound fishy..tell them you’re broke that month and can’t do it. They get over it and somehow move on..like they did before they met you.
In view of the new visa laws and cleaning up of what was a visa system exploited by thousands of men from all over the world who ruined it for the rest of us, I think I will stay with the 30-60-90 day tourist stay. I have a great family life here in the US. Kids and grandkids close by..friends..good part time job that spices up my pension, etc. Too much to leave behind to try to eek out some kind of retirement visa or other long stay in Thailand. Why the hell anyone not from Thailand would want to stay for years is puzzling to me. I think some men had nothing to stay for in their home country..so on to Thailand they go. From what I’ve learned from many Thai women…they don’t even see their own spouses much of the year if they work in the big cities away from their village. Besides, I want to keep it fresh and interesting, not a daily bitter battle with my Thai gal allowing real or unreal resentments to creep in.
So the hook has set its barbs in pretty deep now.. I’m hooked on Thai. But it remains fun, adventurous and rewarding, hopefully for me and my Thai gal both. No complaints thus far. And to answer my own question..yes..there is still fun to be had in Thailand. There are still thousands of good Thai girls praying to Buddha for a good falang like the one their friend has now. And if Stickman can continue to bring his reviews and pics to us regarding the bar scene, I’m sure you can find mind-blowing sex and a good time for all in the many clubs if that’s your thing. All I really know for sure is how I feel about Thailand down deep in my soul..and it’s a good feeling. I like Buddha..I like and respect how hard Thais work, I like how they refuse to complain and bitch and moan, I like the food whether it’s from a street vendor or on the roof op at the Octave on Sukhumvit, I like and marvel how..even as congested as the traffic is.. they let each other in to make a U-turn or enter traffic. I like the way Nat reacts to my gestures of love and kindness, returning it with a style and grace I’ve never experienced before. It’s all enough to trump the heat and pollution. It’s all enough for me.
The author of this article cannot be contacted.