Married Guy Wanting A Good Girl As A Girlfriend In Thailand
Dear Stick,
I just had my first trip to Thailand, unplanned, in Chiang Mai, I was not thrilled with the girls with tattoos, though they were gorgeous. I turned to an online dating site and met a 20-year-old college student who was, from what I can tell, a very nice, tattoo free, new to being a freelancer, girl. She seemed very new to all this, a bit awkward and nerdy, which I found endearing. We messaged each other at first then and did a video chat. We bantered a bit and she said, maybe we can meet the next time I am in Thailand, as this was to be my last night. I desperately wanted to see her to at least give me something to look forward to and lay some groundwork . I was thinking, we could at least meet, no sex, just meet and talk . But, I wanted my last night in Thailand to be also, “fun.” So I was torn. She encouraged me to go to Walking street and find what I was looking for. I told her, SHE, was what I was looking for. I made a deal with her, that I would go out and look for a girl that did not smoke and had no tattoos, BUT, if I did not find that, then I would encourage her to come to my hotel. I offered 2500 baht to her, she declined, then I upped it to 3000, then 4000, then 5000 and 6000. She declined it all and said, it was not about the money.
I went out, could not find anything so I contacted her, and she finally agreed to come to me at 3am!! All along asking, are your sure, are you sure, are you drunk. I was not drunk at all, only had 1 drink.
She was afraid of the driver of the grab taxi. She was not sure how to get to my hotel, I offered to meet her at the grab taxi when it arrived because she did not feel safe. When she entered the hotel, I could tell she had never done the whole, give your ID to the front desk thing.
She was dressed like a conservative village girl but was super cute. Our night was incredible, super intimate, she was not planning on doing anything, but after we talked for an hour and played around, one thing lead to another and it became intimate. I was hooked, she seemed into. She spent the night and said she had to leave early the next morning but ended up staying till 2pm and went to lunch with me. I insisted on giving her about 4000 baht though she was trying to refuse it, but I insisted.
On my profile, I did not clearly state that I was married but I implied it. Her English is not perfect, but it is better than any other girl I met, for sure.
I offered to take her on a trip to Krabi with me for a few days. I did so eagerly.
I bought 1 way tickets for my new Thai girlfriend because I was not sure if it was going to be a 2 night trip or longer, having never done anything like this before, I kept extending it, and she was fine with it too, it seemed like neither one of us wanted the trip to end, it was the most amazing time of my life with her, her voice, the way she would speak to me English, then switch to her Isan dialect and keep speaking to me, her caring, her nurturing, her personality and of course her amazing 20 year-old body that would not quit! She wore me out. I often thought I had a little case of ED but not with this girl! I felt like a guy in his 20’s again. I had not been able to do it twice in one day for the last 9 years or so.
She helped us to get the “Thai price” for all the things that we did and she was watching out for me, on what I was spending, often telling me, that I am tipping too much or the price is too high, etc. I ended up just giving her the bulk of my cash and let her be in charge of it, paying for everything for us. This large amount, (20,000 baht) she gave back to me at the end of the trip and it was all accounted for. Honestly, if she had taken some out of there, I would not have cared, but she did not. She seemed amazed that I trusted her so much. On the 3rd to last day, I was so in love with this girl, that I told her, look, I am going to give you some baht as a gift for coming with me on this trip but I do not want it to be that I am giving this to you in exchange for anything. It is yours and for the rest of the trip if you do not want to do anything with me, then, that is fine. I explained the notion of accident of birth and that it is only because I happened to have been born in the US, that I am in a fortunate enough of a position to have been able to earn all this money and that our roles could just as easily have been reversed. I really felt it and believed it. I am not wealthy in the US, but by Thai standards, I suppose I am. I came up with what I thought was fair, for the most amazing week of my life where this girl did everything and anything I asked of her, I bought her a handful of items, 1 small suit case, bikini, a few clothes, 2 pair of shoes, and 30,000 baht cash (=US$1,000.). I really felt like I wanted to give her much much more. (in fact, she really, really tried to convince me to not buy things, because they were too expensive, but I insisted. I told her, that the amount of baht I was planning to give her at the end of the trip had nothing to do with what I was spending on gifts for her and the trip expenses in general.
The trip, I discount because the hotel ($275/night room! Nice hotel), etc cost the same, if it was just me, and the flights were cheap enough and this was far and away less than what I would have spent on a girl in the US. I would have been able to give her 160,000. Baht easily and even considered it but convinced myself to stick with 30,000. And see her reaction. She was elated, and clearly felt very very uncomfortable accepting it. If she had indicated that she was expecting 160,000 baht, I would have eagerly handed it over, she did not. The cash was all hers now and still over the last 2 days, she was just as affectionate and passionate. We started using the love word. On the last day, I gave her another 6000 baht for a possible US visa in the future and a Thai passport. I really felt like I would see her again and again and again. I have always had girls on the side throughout many of my relationships, I have always kept feelings tidy and been very discreet and all the girls were happy and well taken care of. I was intent on making this girl a long-term situation. I believe it is possible to be in love with more than one woman at a time.
She tried to give this extra cash back to me. She said, IF we are going to see each other again, then and only then would she accept it, but not now. She seems insecure and was thinking that I would not want to see her again, once I had time to think about it. She does not feel that she is attractive, compared to other Thai girls. She returned the cash to me, BUT I snuck it back into her handbag before we departed from each other.
Once we were apart, we sent photos back and forth and on one of them, I forgot about my wedding ring and she saw it. I did not think much of it, I thought she knew, that I was married and that this was normal for married Americans to have Thai girlfriends.
She confronted me over video chat a few days after I returned to the US, she asked me, and I did not deny being married, I had thought that she was aware. She teared up and was clearly upset and emotional.
But, she insisted that she did not know, but accepted blame too because she did not ask and she felt like a stupid girl for falling in love with a married guy. She said, that because of Buddhism, she cannot see me. She kept on saying, that she knows, she has done some things that are not Buddhist, and that she is not a perfectly good girl, but that, being with a married man, was one thing, she would not do.
I was surprised because she claimed to be a freelancer when I met her. I think I met her on her first week of trying to be a freelancer, but online only. She closed all her accounts and was not interested in meeting anyone else.
SOOO, my question to the community is :
How should l explain to this 20-year-old perfect for me tattoo free girl, that having an affair with a married guy is acceptable? She keeps on saying, that she cannot do that to another girl, it’s not right, its not the Buddhist way.
When we were in Krabi, we became very close in a short amount of time. She said, she felt closer to me than people she has known for many years. She took me to temple and prayed together. One of my points I am trying to make to her is this notion that not all marriages in the US are the same. That sometimes people just get married out of convenience like, “green card” marriages, where and American guy marries a non-US citizen girl here in the US, so that she can become a US citizen and stay in the US permanently. Not all marriages are for the traditional, boy meets girl and falls in love. I have already bought my return ticket to Thailand to see this girl again later this year. We will meet in her hometown to just talk. She has, several times, told me by email, that she never wants to see me again and wants to cut contact, but every time I email her, she eventually replies, saying, she cannot resist replying.
How can a devout Buddhist girl who was willing to try freelancing, now decide that she cannot be in a relationship with a married guy? I understand her in that, she was fine if it was just a one-off, but if she is to get involved with a guy as a girlfriend then, being the other woman, is now a line she does not want to cross. But this married guy is just in a green card marriage, not for love, but she does not grasp that? Is there couples counseling in Thailand?
If nothing else, I would at least like to be in her life for just a few years as a boyfriend and then down the road, once she meets someone that is good for her long-term, I will let her go, out of love. During this time, I can keep her from returning to the freelancing world and keep her from getting scarred by what that could do to her. I truly believe that when she is older she will be exactly what some nice guy is looking for. By that time, her English will be near perfect and she will be a more mature, wise girl, and not have had a string of guys by then and be less likely to have caught an STD or worse. I desperately want to give her a nurturing, caring relationship, albeit, from afar. And, if my marriage does not work out, then she will be The One.
marriedGuy-wanting-a-Buddhistgirlfriend
Stick‘s thoughts:
This started off as an email to me but I managed to convince the author to allow it to be published as a reader’s submission so the readership could offer their thoughts. In this case I am not going to say what I think as I don’t want to influence what you might say in your reply to the author.
The author can be contacted at : happy.man.in.thailand@hotmail.
