Stickman Readers' Submissions August 31st, 2018

Pattaya Bargirl, Total Madness

Greetings, readers! This is an experience I had with a bar girl recently. I am a decent-looking, 40-year old man, and usually quite switched on. After you read this you might not think I am so wise though… I have been coming to Pattaya for a long time and in the past have never stayed with a girl more than 3 nights nor fallen in love at all. This all got turned upside down this time. I know I have been an idiot but I want to share this as some might relate to it or at least learn something from my stupidity.

Ok, I am on a long-term trip here. I am not a two-week millionaire at all. I go into a bar one night merely to watch some football. I see a girl sitting at the bar quietly, over 40 years old, attractive to me, but certainly not a stunner. Something just hit me there and then, a vibe I guess, as sometimes happens in our lives. She had been in Pattaya for around 8 years I would find out.

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I didn’t even talk with her that night, and I drink with friends. I went back another night for football, we spoke, but I went to a nearby bar to watch the game as they didn’t have it on. I had some beers and then later went back to talk with this girl.

She was ok, we drank, she was polite, not pushy, she obviously liked me and I barfined her….and this was the beginning of one hell of an emotional rollercoaster ride for me.

In the beginning I only barfined her once in a while and knew she had other customers, no problem. Then as time went on she impressed me more…minding my money, no lady drinks, good sex, cheap rates…

I was falling for her slowly, against my better judgment. The first time I saw lies appear I should have walked away. One night I saw her drinking with a guy and she was clearly into him, kissed him in the bar, and was barfined by him.

She wasn’t my girlfriend but seeing that bothered me because I had developed feelings for her. (Yes, I know I am pathetic.)

Via internet chat I questioned her about the guy and she flat-out denied even being there at all, yet I was sitting in another bar watching it all unfold. She would not admit she was with him and tried so hard to convince me she didn’t even work there anymore.

This was the first red flag and I should have canned it, but I so stupidly continued with her. I truly believe that once they know you will accept their lies and see them again, then from then on you are doomed. Once a liar is always a liar, especially when it comes to bargirls.

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Anyway, I do my own thing for a few days and try to put her out of my mind as best I can. I didn’t contact her at all and she didn’t contact me, as she never messaged me when she was with a customer. After 3 days she messages me. I have feelings for her so I reply again (I am a very honest person and love deeply when it happens, which is rare, and yes I know again I am stupid for doing it with a bargirl I don’t know that well.)

She wants to come back to me, and said she didn’t want to see the guy anymore as they were arguing or something, even though he offered her 20K baht for a month. She also said he didn’t f**k her, they just played around sexually…which to be honest I didn’t believe anyway. She wanted to stay a month with me for 10K. I said I didn’t want to be with a bargirl fulltime as I just don’t do that kind of thing (at the time I still knew better).

To be honest I didn’t really believe much of what she ever said to me anyway. I didn’t commit to her for a month but saw her more frequently, and the price she asked for long time was cheap, apparently because she liked me. She didn’t go back to the bar after the 3 days with the guy at that stage either, so I wasn’t paying a barfine.

We were spending more and more days together, but not everyday. I was slowly getting to know more about her, but how true any of it was I will never know! I was in love  and she said she was too (yeah, maybe another lie ), but I could see she certainly did like being with me, well at least compared to the older farangs she was used to being with.

The red flags started to appear frequently. We were not officially boyfriend and girlfriend yet, but once I questioned her about a lie and she said to me if you are my boyfriend I would not lie to you! Which is tough to hear considering I don’t lie to people whoever they are. I don’t do wrong things and have nothing to hide at all.

Again I know I sound like a f**cking fool. One day she went home to get some clothes to go to the beach, so I went and ran some errands. I walked past her bar and a friend of mine was there, and I stopped for a quick chat. Five minutes later in she walks but doesn’t see me, and goes and sits with an old farang. She then sees me and immediately comes over to me. I ask why she is in the bar with a guy, and she says he is an old friend and he messaged her to come for a drink. Of course she tells me she has never slept with him!

I call bullshit and tell her we were going to the beach. I was hurt that she couldn’t stay away from the bar, and it indicated she was still possibly on the payroll there too, or maybe freelancing, yet she was with me daily by now. I thought we were really getting somewhere and she was happy with me. I told her to get her things from my hotel and to go with the guy if she wants to. She said she was going to message and tell me she was there…blah blah…but possibly full of shit too.

I left it at that after she got her things from my room. The next day she messages trying to worm her way back in again and says sorry for what she did. Tells me she didn’t go with him (yeah, right) and wants to see me. The pattern with this girl right from the start was that she wouldn’t reply to messages until she woke up the next day if she was with a customer. She must have thought I was stupid (which I was).

I took her back again and told her I wouldn’t put up with any rubbish anymore. I was already doomed, of course. There were many other times I should have gotten rid of her, but I loved her. I knew her stories didn’t add up most of the time, and I have a very good memory. I think a lot of these girls lie so much that they forget what and who they tell things to.

I know I am rambling on here so here are some of the things I learned about her after being with her everyday for a couple of months, and a few major incidents I experienced. I am sure there are many things she hasn’t been honest about either.

  • If we had a mini breakup she would often gravitate back toward the bar scene or go drinking. It’s all she knows, I think.
  • Her daughter is 26 years old and has worked in Pattaya since the age of 18.
  • My girl followed her daughter here to work in bars too after leaving a Thai boyfriend and a factory job.
  • Mother and daughter worked in the same bar! I asked her if she minded seeing her daughter go with different men, and it didn’t faze her at all.
  • Her daughter has an Aussie boyfriend and a child with him. She has had a string of sponsors. Has used ice / yaba before, this is the daughter. The Aussie boyfriend has just built a house in Isaan for the daughter and child. He pays for everything, and she contributes nothing. He now has to go back to OZ soon and work as he is almost out of money. The daughter doesn’t love him and is still in love with a previous boyfriend who didn’t want her anymore
  • My girl had an Aussie boyfriend who was in his mid-20s. He came here on a few trips when he could. He took her to OZ twice, spent stupid amounts of money on her too. He spent lavishly, gold, stipend etc. She doesn’t see him anymore because he lost his job and has no more money to visit Thailand.
  • Her and the Aussie guy constantly had fights etc. One story she told me was they were at a bar / guesthouse where he stayed, and they had a fight or disagreement in the room. (She has the worst temper I have ever seen in a person, mind you.) She ran downstairs and fell down the stairs on her ass and got bruising. The boyfriend came down and all hell broke loose! She called in family for backup and her and her family members threw chairs, snooker balls and anything else they could at him. He fled the scene. He had to pay for all damages. In her crazy rage she told me she even went to the police station and told them the bruising was from him kicking her (which was a lie) but in the end she calmed down and decided not to take it further.
  • She has a lot of gold pawned at the gold shop and makes regular payments to keep it there. The gold was pawned apparently because she lost a lot of money gambling!
  • She has by the far the most childish approach to life I have ever seen – zero morals, integrity, has major anger issues and most sentences that she speaks are total lies.
  • At times she had been good and caring toward me, and for small money too. It’s almost impossible to ever point out what she is doing wrong, or a lie, because she will go into a rage, and loses all sense of logic and reasoning. She will leave and then appear hours later saying sorry, or sometimes two days later, and mostly it’s her fault too.
  • If I ever question her about her phone use and other guys she talks with she gets angry or flat-out denies contact with other previous customers online. Total bullshit I know.
  • She yells extremely loud when angry in my room, and doesn’t care about other guests here where I stay.
  • A lot of the arguments we have had are due to me calling her out on her deceit and lies and her downright questionable behaviour.
  • She has thrown numerous tantrums in my room over almost nothing, throwing things, hitting me and biting me.
  • On one occasion she went berserk because I wouldn’t give in to a money demand and she said she was going back to the bar. I said ok, but I wouldn’t see her again. Late that night she went berserk saying I would be paying girls more money for sex than I pay her. She was violent, ran downstairs in only a towel, fabricated a story to security, and I had to get security to help remove her. They barely did anything to help but watch! There was a stand-off in the lobby (I was so embarrassed). I was asking her to leave and she tried to book a room here for the night and stay, just because I asked her to leave! Afterwards she wanted to leave anyway. Her reason was that “she wanted to win”. In the end management said she could not have a room and eventually she left with a tirade of abuse….F**k you, go and f**k your mother etc. I was speechless.
  • The last straw for me was recently. I know between our two-day break-ups she has had the odd guy or two for money, but denies most, but comes back to me as she claims she loves me, and in her own warped way I think she does. I questioned her about some things online and pics she posted. I had basically had enough of the damn lies. It was during breakfast time and we were in my room. This is after I had taken her back again against my better judgment, after her gambling again and being downright dishonest and secretive about various things and where she was. She was near the door in only a towel again. She got very angry at my calling her out again and went out into the hallway again, and stood at the end of the hallway. I knew this was going to get out of control again. I thought fast and asked her to come back inside but she refused. I knew where this was headed for sure. I went inside my room, got her shoes and clothes and handbag and walked toward her to try to give them to her as by then I didn’t want her in my room making trouble again. She knew I was serious so she shot down the stairs toward reception in a f**king towel again! I am quick on my feet and I grabbed her on the stairs before she reached reception. It was almost a good rugby tackle but very gentle and she fell but I eased her onto the flat of the stairs. I was angry by now, I ripped the towel off (it was mine) gave her the bag and her clothes and told her to f**k off! So there she was, briefly stark naked on the stairs of my hotel! She put her clothes on and then came back to the hallway toward me, right in front of two security cameras and a cleaning lady. She was in a rage, started punching me, which the cleaning lady saw – so I had a witness luckily. Then with her fingernails she ripped into my ear and I knew there was damage for sure, and then she got a small broom and hit me with that a few times. By then the manager had heard the commotion and came to see us. I just said you need to get her out of here now! My girl was saying something to her and I said don’t listen she will just lie about me. We go to reception, and she is there briefly before leaving loudly. By now my ear is bleeding profusely too, for all to see. The manager asks me if I want the police and I say no, and try to clean up my ear. She messages me saying sorry, and wants to come back to me! I don’t want her here again after that commotion. I still love her though, that’s the problem and the emotions. She wants to talk later, so I meet her nearby. We talk. She says sorry. I have had enough by now. We go see a movie and she is all sweet again. We walk to the beach. I discuss what she is doing to me is wrong. And again she lies and denies. I looked at her and at that point I know there is no hope, so I just turn and walk away. She messages with threats of leaving me etc. She will f**k another guy, tells me she loves me, and lastly says if I don’t see her tonight she will leave me for good. By now I don’t care and want my peace back. I turned off my phone. I haven’t heard anything since. I assume she either has been gambling or freelancing now that there is no money from me and she realizes I have had enough.
  • She constantly talks about money, calls me and other people a cheap Charlie (meanwhile she has never bought me a beer or very little else) said if I am with her in the future I have to buy her a new motorbike. She asked me to pay 16K to get some of her gold back, instead of me paying her daily. Of course I declined the request.
  • All her friends are scamming bargirls too or close to the industry. They are always comparing sponsors, boyfriends etc and they all think their pussies are lined with gold and Farang are here to “take care”.
  • She seems to have no interests besides bars, f**king, sleeping and eating, no hobbies or any interest in getting a normal job. It’s just about getting a Farang to take care
  • She constantly uses the word f**k. Constantly accuses me of being with other ladies, which I don’t do. Says you f**ck with other lady etc. Says to me she gives me f**k…no pay no f**k…you get the picture anyway, total gutter trash talk in my opinion.
  • It really seems to me that her mouth, pussy and ass are merely tools of the trade and ceased to be her private parts a long time ago. I would hate to see some of the guys she has f**ked in the past and the things she has let them do to her for money. She seems so far gone in many ways.
  • There is lots more but I think I paint the picture.

So, yes, although I am educated, have a good career, am cashed up and she certainly didn’t screw me financially at all or get the long-term plan I am sure she hoped for in the end, I consider myself a complete fool for putting up with this crazy girl and all the emotional turmoil she brought into my life, or more so, that I let her do. At times she was wonderful and a good girlfriend, but when she was bad, she was bad on a level I have never ever seen before and the lies, manipulations and head games were astounding. In no way am I saying that all bargirls are bad but this one has to be a solid example of what they are capable of and why not to get involved with a character such as the girl I did.



Stick‘s thoughts:

There is no need to get involved with a bargirl when there are millions of single Thai women out there who don’t have the baggage that so many bargirls do. That’s not to say that bargirls are bad people, rather that it’s a job that takes its toll.

That this lady’s daughter also works in the bars means this family is in deep. The bullshit world of the bars is, unfortunately, their world and getting them out of it isn’t easy – and in all likelihood neither do they want out!

The anger issues are a worry too and allowing things to escalate was foolish and dangerous. At the first sign of violence, the relationship is over! That’s a red card. It’s over, walk away and at that point you should never look back. Any violence in a relationship means that is the end there and then.

The author cannot be contacted.

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