Not All Bargirls Are Bad (And Where Some Are Now)
I’ve been coming to Pattaya since 2002 – the good old days. I remember then the old farts complaining about 1,000 baht for long-time – that people like me were ruining the fun for everyone. At the time, I figured around $39AUD for an all-night session, a morning session, a tour guide and translator during the day and then an afternoon session was pretty good value.
I wasn’t complaining and had a ball for my first few visits. Never had a thing stolen from my room (and I did a lot of stupid things when drunk like leaving valuables lying around). Was I lucky or was it because I treated the girls with respect? I remember being at Sabai Lodge once and hearing an English guy call out to his girl from around 20 metres away – “Go get me a beer you little brown fxxx monkey”. If you spoke to me like than I’d certainly have no qualms about stealing from you.
I once dropped a 1,000 baht note on the floor at the soi 2 bars only to get tap on the shoulder by one of the girls who handed it back to me; and she wouldn’t take a reward. Same bar, and the next night we took about 8 girls for pizza. Over the next week every one of them presented us with some type of food to pay us back.
We got to know a few of them and their hopes and dreams. Some of them were definitely there to find “Mr Right”. Some of the older ones were quite bitter and you could see the blank expression in their eyes – they would explain that they had been promised the world so many times by farang, they had given up. There sole purpose now was to extract as much cash as possible with whatever lies worked for them.
I swore I would never fall for a bargirl but in 2004 it happened – she was ‘different” as we all say. She had a curious mind and wanted to learn things. Instead of watching Thai soaps she preferred documentaries on history, nature, etc. When you asked questions like “What’s that building over there for?”, instead of the obligatory bargirl shrug of the shoulders, she would go and find out for me. You could hold and intelligent conversation with her, etc.
After seeing her on and off for a year, I decided to get her a visa to come out to Australia for a holiday. Rather than me do all the work, I told her to do it from her end – I figured this would be a good test of whether she could survive in Australia. She got it all done with minimal help from me.
I organised a language school in Pattaya for ger to improve her English. I feel bad but I knew someone who had a girl near where she lived and reports were she was heading off each morning, books in hand. Then one day I call her when she should have been in one-on-one tutoring and she answered. I was a little angry but gave her the benefit of the doubt. Same again a few days later and she told me there tutor didn’t show. I emailed the school without telling her. I got the most apologetic response from the German owner – said he had been sick and things had gone to shit when he isn’t on site to watch over things. While he was apologetic he did hint that a lot of the girls did lie and he would get back to me.
Two days later I got an email with all my wife’s attendance record and assignments – “I am very sorry her attendance is perfect, she is the most enthusiastic participant in the call, and all he assignments are done. I will make it up to her with 10 hours of private tutoring.”
Does make you wonder what the poor girl could have achieved if she wasn’t forced to leave school at 13 to become a servant to a Thai-Chinese family.
She came over to Australis for three months. Got on great with the relatives and all of my friends. One thing I found weird is that she did not want to associate with any other Thai people. The next thing was to organise the marriage stuff when she went back. Once again, I got her to liaise the Australian embassy.
One of the funniest things I have ever seen is the letter she wrote as part of the application about us meeting – it was brutally honest. Didn’t like me at first. Just another “dirty farang” full of BS. But over time she began to realise I was being truthful and she fell in love with me. We got married, found a great taxi driver who knew a translator, the docs were submitted to Thai authorities and back with us the next day. Submitted to Australian embassy and within a week it as approved. I still think her letter is what did it.
Back to Australia and things were going well. She had English classes three days for week. She ended up studying for three years and ended up with a diploma in business admin. She nearly always topped her classes and would be the one making speeches at the graduation ceremonies.
I repeat, imagine if the girl had been allowed to continue her education in the first place
I was careful with the money. I hate guys who put their girls on an allowance – how would you feel if situation was reversed? I gave her access to one bank account and a low limit credit card and all went well. I sometimes get cash jobs and bring home $1K – 2K. After that it seemed the cash was disappearing faster than we could possibly spend it. I am ashamed to admit I began to get very suspicious. I never said anything but wondered where it was going. Then 18 months down the track we need a new fence – bingo, out comes $4K she had squirreled away for such an occurrence. I ask why you didn’t tell me – “You waste too much money on crap, so I thought I would save for when things like this happen.”
There was the occasional “my brother-in-law” needs a new tyre and can’t afford it. Ok, I’d go, it’s about $120, who cares. Then mum needs some money for the doctor, etc. nothing big, but it was becoming regular. I said why don’t you set up an account for them and put aside a small amount each month and teach them how to budget. I was wondering what a “small” amount would be. She set up an account with $200 per month for them on the proviso “Mum, you stop gambling, or it stops and dad you stop drinking or it stops.” “My husband works very hard and it’s not, so you can drink and gamble”. They no longer drink or gamble (seriously).
I gradually increased my wife’s access to accounts etc. She now has access to enough money to clean me out, hop on a plane and build herself a mansion in Thailand, and live quite comfortably for the rest of her life. Yet, she still asks if it’s okay to spend $20 on a dress.
She has also shown her true colours a couple of times. I was once retrenched after a restructure at work and her response was “Don’t worry, if things get bad I can get a second job until you find another one.” Another time I was quite ill for a few months (nothing life-threatening) and a similar type of response.
I understand it can be a lucky dip, but some of my tips would be:
If you can’t hold a decent conversation in Thailand, why think it’s going to change back home?
If all she wants to do is watch Thai soaps all day why think it will be any different back home?
If she has no interest in how/why things work (e.g. learning) why would she be any different at home?
If you pet name for her is “little brown fxxx machine” why would she have any respect for you whatsoever?
When it comes to visa etc. get her to do the work, if she’s too lazy or stupid what’s going to change at home? <This is one area I will disagree because this can be very challenging and many people – both Western guys and Thai ladies – are simply not up to it and let’s not forget, some embassies require much more than others – Stick>
If she drinks and gambles, do you think this will stop at home?
If you treat her like a servant/maid how happy do you think she’ll be?
If they start telling you, they love you after two days it’s BS. My wife told me “how can I love you, I’ve only known you a few months!”
Send them to language classes in Pattaya that you can trust and check on attendance.
Now for the Soi 2 girls (names changed)
Bill – gorgeous girl. Had some great times with her. She had about six guys on the hook sending money monthly. Showed me her back book as it had 1.5 million baht. I once bumped in to her in Soi 2 and asked he availability – “sorry my boyfriend is here for another week give me your number and I’ll call. Two hours later I get the call – she told the boyfriend she had to go home for her sick mother.
Jen – Great girl. Full of life. Great to party with. Disappeared off the face of the earth.
Lek – would only go with Italian men. Finally found one and has been married and living in Italy for about 6 years.
Pel – Married an Aussie guy after getting pregnant. After six months in Australia started drinking and gambling and the relationship ended.
Pol – Married to an Aussie guy for about 7 years now and all going well.
My wife – just celebrated our 12th anniversary and very happy.
Jet – died of a mystery illness, I suspect HIV.
Kel – living happily in the USA with her husband of five years.
Fun – Living happily in Iceland with her husband of 10 years.
Overall, I met some very nice bargirls and had some great chats (once they realised you weren’t a prospective customer). Usually they had some deadbeat husband who provided no financial support. They would never get a good job due to lack of education and skin colour. Bar work was a viable option – work all day in a hot humid factory for 250 baht or work in a bar – I know what I’d do.
People who call them “whores”, “little brown fxxx monkeys”, etc really piss me off. I’d love some of these pricks to have to walk in their shoes for a few years and see how they feel.
People who don’t believe that the girls don’t have to send money home – they do! They are treated just like farang are when they visit the local village.
For people complaining about prices – get over it. If it’s not worth it, go somewhere else. Personally, I feel it’s great that Thai women now have more choices than they did before. I think the big difference is the ones previously in two minds – which included a lot of the good girls – have now chosen to stay in school or get a job in retail etc. Do you think it’s great that Thai women have no other choice than to fuck fat drink slobs to make a living? For God’s sake, there are dating sites, Tinder, etc. I was in the pharmacy yesterday in Pattaya (without my wife). The girl made it quite clear she would be up for it – she bent over and asked me what I thought of her arse. If I wasn’t married I’d probably have been having dinner with he that night.
Still plenty of options – just a little bit more work to pull off.
Good on you for managing to find a good lady in a difficult situation, and to make it work!
There are some diamonds in the rough, but I do think that they are harder and harder to find these days. Thailand has developed a lot economically and there are a lot more opportunities for all. I believe that one of the net effects of that on the bar industry is that those ladies who do enter the bar industry these days are often troubled, or sometimes just plan trouble. Sure, there are some lovely ladies out there but I think that generally, the ladies are harder these days, more mercenary and as such are probably less likely to make a great long-term partner.
The author cannot be contacted.