A Couple of Mates Together In Thailand
It was time for that bi-annual pilgrimage to Bangkok and then Pattaya. My mate Pal and I had decided to save up for the last 6 months and have whoopee at these places.
Yes, that’s right a couple of two-week millionaires with thick billfolds and thick tools; ready to do some drilling and prospecting. We know there are many warm caves at these places to explore. Ideal, huh?
We are on the same flight from Sydney. Pal is much more adept at the goings on in Pattaya, and I was the expert in Bangkok. For some reason he always was in a hurry to go to Pattaya, and this was to be my first experience there. So I guess it was the blind leading the blind to a certain degree. We complemented each other.
So after a long haul flight we arrive late at Suvarnabhumi airport. After proceeding through Immigration (they need to smile more), we get a taxi at the exit down below after queing up for what seemed an eternity; we are off for two weeks of debauchery.
Bloody taxi driver thought it was Le Mans circuit speeding along the motorway heading to Sukhumvit.
I was in the death seat, and I’m sure I left indentations on the dashboard with my fingers. What a lunatic. So bugger him, no tip. He was constantly moaning about not making much money driving taxis. A hint of the expectation of a generous tip. No way, we kept asking him to drive a little slower but it fell on deaf ears.
We check into Nana Hotel (has been done up but it’s still a dive). Very pleasant staff and a real looker at reception.
Pal and I elected for separate rooms. As usual, there are still stains near the headboard of my bed – and some even on the ceiling. Bloody hell. How is this humanly possible?
It’s quite late (about 10:30 PM) so a quick shower and fresh clothes and we both head over to Nana Plaza. My goodness, speaking of rubber necking, beautiful girls as far as the eyes can see. Might need a massage tomorrow to assist with a stiff neck.
In no time at all we both select freelancers (both girls were friends). Nok is my girl, about 25 and a very perky bum and petite nom. Simi is Pal’s girl with a peachy arse and huge nom. Nearby we have some street food, some beer and wine for the girls. Tip: important not to fill your bladder with beer before the event. Else you may have to embarrass yourself mid-way through a bonk for a piss. Needless to say, too much beer very quickly leads to brewers droop. Very undesirable considering you have paid THB 2,500 for an all-night spectacular. Only to find willy is uncooperative and more interested in sleeping in a comatose fashion.
Judging by the activity next door (Pal’s room) – much fun was had by all.
The next morning we bid the girls goodbye with a gentle kiss and hugs and our wallets THB 2500 lighter. Who cares, we are two week millionaires after all.
So apart from the usual perusing of Chinatown, Lumpini Park to see the monitor lizards, the Grand Palace and a short excursion to Ayutthaya to visit the Royal Summer Palace and the many temples. That was it for Bangkok.
For the next few days, the rest was a blur of Thai pussy, gogo girl perving, drinking to excess and short-time hotels.
Anyone that claims that the Thailand adult scene is super expensive is crackers or ultra-selective. A six to a nine can easily accomplish what you are after. And they are everywhere. And won’t break the bank unless you are keeneow or on skid row.
So, almost half of the two weeks has passed already. It’s time to check out of the Nana Hotel and leave behind all the semen stains.
We head to the Eastern Bus Terminal located adjacent to the Ekkamai BTS station on Sukhumvit Road to get the coach to Pattaya. The trip was uneventful.
We check into an unnamed hotel near soi 6 – separate rooms again.
We freshen up and head to the infamous beach road and soi 6.
My goodness, I haven’t seen the likes of so many girls, and I’m now convinced that I am indeed a “hansum man”. Why haven’t others recognised it before?
Anyhow, we decide to keep it low key that night and just sit in a bar and chat with fellow punters and the girls.
Pal suddenly recognises a couple of characters that he has met on previous trips.
One very large fellow is called Peter – he strikes me as a bullshit artist and the other is a Pommy by the name of Ray. Now my summation of this guy is that arrogance and high self-opinion is his forte. Two bad combinations. He enjoys making a fool of himself, by asserting that the girls that work in the bars are cheap, nasty and should do something else for a living. Interesting how he knows so much about these girls and likes to disparage them.
Whereas Peter just sits there playing with himself, and claims it’s cheaper to use your right of left hand on yourself and save the baht. He also has this stingy habit of sitting on his beer; so he doesn’t have to return the shout.
I was getting real bored by these two nongs and nudged Pal that we should go elsewhere.
Well low and behold the unthinkable happened. A couple of lovelies started to befriend Ray and Peter.
Now Peter’s three chins started to get searing red hot with anticipation and Ray the self-appointed smart arse; quickly negotiated a price for the night.
So off they go, or as is the case with Peter – waddles away with his chosen girl.
Thank God they pissed off. What a couple of clowns they were!
We didn’t see them again – but we did catch up with the girls.
What they recounted to us was hilarious.
Apparently not only does Peter have three chins, but also three bellies and he was keen to poke his girl good and proper. But she said as soon as he saw her naked and with her poking the entire length of her finger in his belly button – he immediately dribbled on the floor with what she described as his tiny little carrot. She could hardly see it under his three bellies. He was so embarrassed that he cried and left immediately.
The other lovely told us about Ray (boy wonder).
They were both naked in bed and he just couldn’t get an erection. He even self-stimulated but to no avail. So she asked about where he lived and his life.
When he was a bit younger, he went to school to learn about things from a country called France. He told her they were lessons dating back 500 years. She asked him why he did learn this.
He said because he could work or learn these things, and the government in Pommy land paid him to do nothing. So instead of working he studies at school. He could then smoke yaba or weed with his friends and party all night.
She asked if he has girlfriend or wife. He said yes a Japanese wife. You not love your wife? You not have sek with her? No, she doesn’t like sex and just likes to spend her money and not share just like a Western girl. So apparently he comes to Pattaya, tries to bonk working ladies – but can’t. Maybe he is impotent and uses bluster to cover up this fact. Maybe that is why he condemns working girls.
They show up his inadequacies
So anyway. The next few days we explore the delights of Pattaya – and there are many. Before we head off back to the real world to start saving up again.
Wine, women and song aplenty is the motto in Thailand.
NB: All names are purely co-incidental :<)
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