Stickman Readers' Submissions August 7th, 2017

Cebu Philippines Trip Report – Day 9

The weekend partying here in Dubai delayed this submission but here it is…

The day had started off great with Ms. Manila that I had met the night before in Liv taking advantage of me. Then the shit storm started. Ms. Timeout 1 sends me several not-so-kind messages for not meeting her Monday night (day 7). I apologized and told her that I was sick on Monday and Tuesday, which is half true since I was sick on Monday. I didn’t tell her that I had forgotten all about the date we set. Stupid me, I forgot to set a reminder on my phone. She accepted my half-truth and asked what I was doing later. Before I replied to her message, I checked my phone and see that I am suppose to meet Ms. Etouffee after her work. I reply and tell her that I do not know if I am going out tonight because I still don’t feel 100% but if I do, I will come by and see her.

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No sooner than I put out that fire, I receive a message from Ms. Etouffee.

Her: I saw you last night. Was that your girlfriend?

Oh shit!!! I didn’t know if she saw me at Bucket Shrimps with Ms. Davao or Liv with Ms. Real Estate and her co-worker or with Ms. Manila and friend.

Me: I didn’t go to the Terraces last night. Maybe it was somebody else you saw.
Her: I saw you at Liv. I went after work with some friends.

Double shit!!! Who did she see me with?

Me: Really? Why didn’t you say hi?
Her: I thought you with girlfriend.
Me: No, I don’t have girlfriend.
Her: Are you sure?
Me: Of course. I was with a Real Estate agent and her friend that showed me some condos yesterday. They take me out for drinks trying to convince me to buy a condo.
Her: She was trying really hard. ☺ dancing sexy.
Me: Not hard enough. ☺
Her: You still come see me tonight?
Me: What time you finish work?
Her: 10
Me: Ok. I will be there around 9 to have a drink.
Her: See u.

A sigh of relief, fire 2 extinguished. I grab my bag and head out for my walk in the direction of Mango Ave. I wanted to see what it looked like during the day. It’s amazing how a place can look so different during the day. I walk past all the bikini bars, All Star Sports Bar, Mango Square, Semi-final, and on past Fuentes Circle. I stop at several convenience stores along the route to get a bottle of water. I felt quite dehydrated from the previous night. I think it was third convenience store I stopped in, there was a sweet girl working the cash register. I asked and she pointed in the direction of the bathroom. I finish my business, grab a bottle of water, and go to pay for it. Conversation with cashier went something like this:

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Cashier: You ok?
Me: I am fine, salamat (thanks in Tagalog). How are you?
Cashier: Are you really ok?
Me: Yes, why you ask?
Cashier: It sounded like you have problems in bathroom.
Me laughing: That wasn’t me, it was the other guy on the toilet.
Cashier: Good for you. I never hear that much noise before, must have been a big one.

I completely lose it at this point. I finally gather myself, wipe the tears from my eyes, pay for the water, and continue my walk. People probably thought I was crazy. Every time I would think of what the cashier said, I would start laughing. It was funny the way she said it so innocently and with such a serious look.

I stopped by the same convenience store on my return trip for another bottle of water and to ask the cashier for her number.

Cashier: Hello.
Me: Hello.
Cashier: You go bathroom again?
Me: No, just here for water and…

Before I could finish my sentence she said, “Good because it WAS big and now toilet don’t flush. Stinks really bad too.”

Again, I have to gather myself and wipe my eyes. No luck on the number though, she had a boyfriend. Too bad, I am sure she would have been a hoot on a date.

I take a detour and make a stop at Time Out to see if either waitress (1 or 2) is working this early. Both are there and both working the downstairs area. I order a bottle of water from Ms. Timeout 2 and she has a look of confusion on her face and thinks out loud why I am not ordering a beer. I explain to her in a voice loud enough for Ms. Time Out 1 to hear that I hadn’t been feeling well the last couple of days. I depart after a few minutes and get back to Mango Ave and thought I was going straight back to the hotel.

Filipinas tend to walk very slow and to have one pass me really caught my attention especially her nice derriere. I pick up my pace a little and start walking next to her.

Me: Where’s the fire?
Her: What?
Me: Must be a fire somewhere because you are walking so fast.
Her: I will be fired if I am late for work again.
Me: Take a taxi, much faster.
Her: I don’t have time to talk. If you want to talk to me, follow me to work.
Me: Where do you work?

I am omitting the name of the place because the owner is absolutely one of the biggest assholes I’ve ever met and his manager is not too far behind. No free advertising for those arses. I did enjoy the bar the few times I went there before the owner’s true colors came out, after which I never returned. You just don’t berate the staff in front of customers and call them cunts, whores, etc. The wait staff was attentive, friendly, entertaining, and the best looking of all the places.

Me: Where is xxxxxx?
Her: You will see. In 1 minute we will be at the fire.

Sure enough, in less than a minute we were there. Two of the other wait staff were there already and only a few customers. I take a seat at the bar and order my usual at a Happy Hour price of $1.30. Ms. Fast Walker comes from out behind the bar and takes a seat next to me.

Me: You want something to drink?
Her: Yes, the fire is still going and I need something to put it out.

We talk for about an hour. She is only 22 (normally too young for my taste but…), 1 year of college, no kids, just ended a 1 year relationship with an expat about a month prior, and lives with her mom and sister. She has a great sense of humor and we keep each other laughing the entire hour. Time to go and I attempt to get her number but she refused saying she doesn’t know me.

Me: I don’t know you but I will give you my number.
Her: You can give me your number but I will throw it away as soon as you leave. You are probably like all the other guys who come here and only want sex.
Me: That hurt. You said you don’t know me but now you say I am like all the other guys. Do you know me or don’t you know me?
Her: All you want is sex.
Me: It would be the best 30 seconds of your life.
Her: So, you are like my ex boyfriend.
Me: Maybe, is he only 4 inches?
Her: Round or long?
Me: Both.

We just laugh. She was very quick witted and always had a come back. We hug goodbye and she tells me it takes more than a smooth talker to get her number. Fair enough I told her. I will be back.

I get to the hotel and go relax by the empty pool. I dozed off and no telling how long I would have slept had it not started to rain. It’s now approaching 8:30 so I get my shower, put on my casual slacks with a nice shirt, and make my way over to Ayala center to meet up with Ms. Etouffee. Murray’s New Orleans was very busy so I grabbed a table at The Social while I waited for her to finish work. I’m sitting there enjoying my frozen margarita (I was told they have good margaritas and it was) minding my own business, and people watching.

It is the usual crowd of couples, groups of men, groups of ladies, young, old, and one top-shelf ladyboy sitting with a gay guy (perhaps a ladyboy but not dressed for it this night). Ladyboys are not my thing and the ones I had seen thus far, couldn’t hold a candle to the Thai ladyboys. This one was different though. Watching them and their flamboyant ways kept me entertained until Ms. Real Estate walks up and takes a seat next to me. She had spotted me from the inside area of The Social and said I looked lonely. She apologized for leaving early the night before and offered for me to join her and her friend promising to not disappear at mid-night this time. I thanked her, regretfully declined and told her I already have plans for the evening. She tells me if I change my mind, I have her number and then goes back inside.

I order another margarita and continue to watch the comings and goings of the Terraces. It’s a lively crowd for a Wednesday night. It’s after 10 now and I see Ms. Etouffee is still busy at work. The crowd had dwindled some but not enough for her to leave. Ms. Real Estate and her friend (cute with the some nice assets) stops by my table and tells me they are going to some other place (I forget the name) if I want to join them later.

I wait for another hour enjoying the scenery and another drink or two. Finally Ms. Etouffee passes my table and gives me a motion with her eyes to follow her. I ask for the bill and it seems to take forever. The bill is paid and I go in the direction that Ms. Etouffee was headed. I search around and can’t find her so I call her. She’s all the way on the other side of the mall near the jeepney stand. I make my way down the stairs, and through the mall. When I finally spot her among the horde of people, she has a disappointed look on her face. She says she can’t go with me because her boss wants her to come to work early the next day. I protest a little and suggest we go get something to eat and she can go home in an hour. Not even the offer of food changed her mind. She apologizes and says she needs to go. We depart ways, she gets in line for the jeepney and I go out to the street.

I am starving at this point since I hadn’t eaten dinner. Flag down a taxi with instructions to take me to Mango Ave. I have him drop me off at Jollibee for a quick chicken dinner and make plans for the rest of the night. I remember Ms. Real Estate’s offer and send her message. No reply. I finish eating and make the less than 1-minute walk to Viking Bar hoping to meet up with Ms. Viking. No luck. She’s not there and I don’t spot anything that entices me to stay for a beer. I leave and don’t get far though. The very cute and skin baring wait staff of Bamboozers draws my attention. Bamboozers is a small open beer bar and opened this year I believe. Order my beer and let the games begin. The girls were friendly, funny, attentive, and kept me entertained. I got the impression these girls were ‘available’ but I didn’t ask and they didn’t tell. I was very tempted by one of them but never pressed the issue. The prices were a little higher than the other beer bars but still cheap.

After a few beers, I decide to call it a night, say my goodbyes, and jumped in a taxi to go back to the hotel. On the way back to my hotel, I receive a message from Ms. Real Estate who tells me where she’s at and come join her. I didn’t know where the place was so I asked the taxi driver. He said it was about 30 minutes from our location. I decided not to make the journey and apologized to Ms. Real Estate. Back in the room, I am almost asleep when I receive a message from an unknown #.

Unknown number: Where are you?
Me: I am at my hotel. Who is this?
Unknown number: You meet me tonight.
Me: Where?
Unknown number: Bamboozers.
Me: I didn’t give my number to anyone.
Unknown number: It’s me, xxxxxx. I get your number when I was looking at your photos on your phone. Sorry.

Sneaky girl I thought. So I look at the pictures on my phone to see if I had placed all the non-public type photos locked in my secure app. All secure thank goodness.

Me: No problem.
Ms. Bamboozer: You come back and see me.
Me: Tonight?
Ms. Bamboozer: If you want or tomorrow.
Me: Not tonight…maybe another night.
Ms. Bamboozer: Ok, sweet dreams.
Me: Good night.

The author can be contacted at :

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