Stickman Readers' Submissions June 14th, 2017

South-East Asian Women – The Best Salespeople On Earth

By Transformed

They sense your intentions before you have even thought of leaving. They see you coming before you have left your country. They hear you arriving before your plane has touched down. They smell you before you have awoken from your first night’s sleep in your joiner friendly hotel.

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Who are they? Why, the beautiful women of South-East Asia, of course. The best salesladies on Earth. Their product is alluring, exotic and ultimately irresistible to so many men. They are the masters at molding you in to a repeat customer. Whether you regularly visit, or decide by whatever means, to live in their environment, they have you hooked.

The routine has been rehearsed, practiced, used a thousand times, that it has now become part of their DNA. Their senses have been trained and tuned to perfection. The spiel hasn’t changed after years of development. Mamasans are the university professors who transmit “the knowledge.” Students of the highest caliber end up making lots of money. They have cracked the code to get in to just about any ATM, for the endless cash it provides. (“White man Farang = All The Money you need.” Or ATM for short.) They amass a number of willing providers. A steady client base. Yet they make you feel like you’re special and the only one.

To me, South-East Asia is like a giant black hole (I know, lame pun). It sucks us in and we don’t want to get spat out. South-East Asia is the un-fantasy land of many men. It is a reality. Available is the highest quality product (subjective of course) one can pursue. It is slim, demure, friendly, warm, alluring, almost irresistible (insert whatever other positive adjective you like). It smiles continuously and makes you feel seductively welcome, even if at times its a little pestery…


“Helloooo hansum. Youuuu sexxiiii, bai mee drink..”

I can see, like when I was in Amsterdam many years ago, how people arrive for the first time, they see what’s available, and their eyes light up and brains go into overload.


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Like that first day in Amsterdam, my thoughts ran similar. As part of a European bus tour we had a 3-day stopover there. What an eye opener. The girls in the window were nothing new to me, as I had seen that in Germany, and already knew that it is common in European cities, it is just much bigger in Amsterdam. What was surprising was the attitude towards the green herb. I could see how people get “lost” there. How liberating it must be to be able to partake in smoking herbs of various qualities and names, without the threat of jail or police harassment. I must admit I am not a big fan but hey, when in Rome…

“What, I can smoke and eat the green herb without fear of prosecution. No one bats an eyelid?” WOW!

I must admit it was a lot of fun. Although I am not into ingestion of salacious substances. Just isn’t my thing, don’t understand it.

My first day in Phuket, and caressing the dancer’s perfect derrière was the same scenario.

“What, no one is going to throw me out? The girl wants more? And encourages you? WOW!”

She was giving me the try before you buy, sales pitch. Good technique, but unfortunately for her I was just starting my first walk along Bangla Road and was having trouble trying to keep calm and focused.

The brain’s circuitry goes into overload and trips on your first time to these places. Mine certainly did. Some can’t leave, others plan their next visit before they have even returned home. In Amsterdam I saw people with vacuous looks in their eyes, almost destitute. To go back to the normal world is impossible for them. How can they? They have found their nirvana. An endless supply without consequences. Thailand and its ladies has the same effect. The sales pitch works perfectly. Like people addicted to medication, or their daily TV drama, they have to get their fix, or at least be around it 24/7. And as all good salespeople, they see your need and mold you into a repeat customer. And they have the perfect product to fill that need.

“Whatever your vice, there is a place on Earth where you can indulge in the reality, not the fantasy.”

Like all great salespeople, the attitude is the same. Every passerby is a lead, a potential sale, a potential regular customer, a potential ATM. They never tire of the chase. They show no fear or judgment and are relentless. Money money money. They use all ways possible, and master new technology within days. Plenty of online dating sites, with plenty of product on display attests to that.

Some clientele / customers / suckers are guarded and suspicious, others foolhardy or inexperienced. The salesladies see them all and through it all. They have their various techniques to deal with all the different types of scenarios and Farangs.

They see the new planeload of suckers arriving daily. And yes we are suckers and we love it. Sometimes the product is faulty, but we can’t return it, sometimes the product is amazing, but it’s only the demo model and we have to return it. Sometimes the product works excellently for a few years then gives up, but there is no warranty. No returns. We hear and read the horror stories. Yet we keep coming back again and again.

They don’t care if you run out of money (Yes, I know “No money, no salted caramel pussy”. Well it is the trendy flavor at the moment, is it not?). They don’t care if you end up destitute, homeless, or are forced back to your home country. Plenty of new farang ATMs on the Thai Airways flight landing right now at Suvarnamubi Airport. I’ll be on one of them soon! Truly.

And I repeatedly and must admit boringly, read the same stories on Stickalus’s website that prove my point.

“She was the most beautiful girl ever…. I gave her money for years then she disappeared…. She said she would stop bar work…but I love her and I know she loves me…blah blah blah….“ When you read and hear these stories, you know the sales pitch has worked perfectly. The saleslady has worked her magic on the unsuspecting punter.

Reel them in, ladies. The fish are biting well today.

Or as a friend used to say, “Easy catch that one, straight hook – no bait!”

And boy, do we bite hard!

As for me? Well, yes, I am a repeat customer. I do buy product when I am there. I have studied about the culture, and the lady life of Thailand. I know the product and how the sales methods work.

“Where you from, what your job, first time Thailand?”

Be prepared when you come here. Do your product research. Study Stick’s column and his readers’ submissions and you will never get swindled. Well maybe once or twice. They are the best salesladies on earth, after all!

Ah, yes Stickalus, we’ve seen them come, and we’ve seen them fall flat on their pasty white farang faces.

Till next time. Thanks for reading my article, I hope you enjoyed it.


The author cannot be contacted.

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