MT Stories MT Heads

As I sit to write this I realise a few things. Nothing is ever going to change. I am not now nor ever have been a good enough writer to change people’s lives or create epiphanies but sometimes I wonder about the human condition. I read with interest this week (edit: I originally wrote this during the week of Stick’s sub on his P.I days but canned it as I thought it was a bit harsh. After reading this week’s column I decided to send it in. Some readers’ submissions offering up dire warnings about bargirls and also Stick’s weekly talking about the days when he ran investigations, mostly I just thought, fxxk me.

If Stick was blessed with the life of Methuselah and I was around long enough I swear to God at least one reader’s sub a week in 2617 would be a cautionary tale about hooking up with bargirls. Honestly, it’s ridiculous. The tales have been told. The songs have been sung. If you don’t know about women by now, not just Thais, and not all women, well, son, you’re rooted. Let’s be honest and being fair here, if Pattaya kicked off during the Vietnam War, let’s say ’67, then that’s possibly 50 years now of men getting fxxked over by Thai birds apparently, and some people like to say that Thais are stupid…yeah, right.

I could take this story back to when we first fell out of the trees. Man provided and the most successful men were the biggest, strongest, fastest. The best hunters. The guys that put mammoth on the table. We are hard-wired. Women, generally, look for the best providers and we, generally, have spent our times through the ages either being the best provider or bullshitting some unsuspecting female into believing we are one of the best providers. I will let you in on a not so little secret. Now come close and listen carefully. They are doing their best and we are doing ours… That’s it! No sob stories, no tales of woe, just facts. Generally, men are looking for the most attractive, virile mate and women are looking for the best providers. Simply put, you pays your money and you takes your choice. I for the life of me can’t figure out why anyone gets dirty about it. A young girl hooks up with an old guy for cash and he dumps her for a younger model or and old guy hooks up with a young bird and can’t figure out she wants a young bloke’s cock or leaves him for another codge with more dosh. If it works out, great, best of luck to you! If it doesn’t, well what the fxxk did ya think was gonna happen?

Me personally, I am glad Stick did so well out of his investigation business but to me it’s a box of hammers. Pretty fxxkin stupid. If you’re not there, what she does is irrelevant no matter what you may have paid, offered or sold your soul to the devil to give. To think otherwise is a farce. Further to that, whether your suspicions are founded or not, you’re just an untrustworthy goose checking up on your “girlfriend” while you’re at work. If you need to do that … well you’ve got no chance anyway in my opinion. This seems self explanatory to me. Be it if you want a hooker / stripper / worker whether she hails from Patpong, Pattaya, Angeles, Mexico, Kings Cross or the red light district in Amsterdam, until you’re taking her home every night or paying enough to keep her from sucking other pricks you don’t get a say in it. Your long road doesn’t even start ’till you do get a say in it. Even then, if it goes pear-shaped, again I will say, what the fxxk were you thinking?

Same goes for the cautionary bargirl tales. Now don’t get me wrong, I can be a caustic bastard. I know a lot of guys over the years have made it work to varying degrees, and honestly I don’t think the majority of bargirls are much worse than the majority of the women in the world. Having said that though, you roll the dice with a girl 20 – 30 years your junior and your relationship is based on the fact that she’s a good sort and you’re paying the freight. Add to that the additional hurdles of coming from different cultures, educational and economic backgrounds and the probability that neither of you is fluent in each other’s mother tongue and you’re in all sorts. Back to the point though, you have to pay that freight. Coming to a developing country doesn’t get you off the hook. Maybe ’80’s, 90’s even early millennium you could fly the minimum pay flag. Now, however, pretend you are back where you came from. You want be Mr 40, 50, 60, 70 year old with little Miss thing you need major bank and I ain’t talking about your combined pension / super annuities. Leads me to not so little secret #2. Guys that do have major bank in Thailand don’t have bargirl wives. They don’t all have Sino-Thai university educated white super models but I will bet you London to a brick that they didn’t meet their missus in a beer bar in Pattaya or a go-go (for you 2 week millionaires who think you’re killing it because your missus is the #1 “dancer” in XXXX a gogo bar).

Probably a lot of you have switched off by now or are thinking “Who the fxxk does this bloke think he is?” I wouldn’t blame you. The thing is though, if you’re looking for a root then keep it at the transaction phase. Most of you have had wives, lovers, girlfriends from where you came from before and that’s hard enough to keep going. How you gonna go with an Asian bird you have no commonality with in culture, belief or language and the primary reason you’re with her is that you want a good looking trophy to root?

To be honest I have seen some classics. Guys that have zero interest in learning Thai and have no real interest in talking to their bargirl missus anyway. How’s that ever going to work? Then there are guys come here spend 15-20K baht a night then put their missus on 20K baht a month. To be fair here I am not talking about the guys that live in Pattaya. I am talking about the 2-week millionaires who take their newly acquired missus back home or “up north” and suddenly have a “real” budget of more like 20K baht a week. Well the girl may be from a village but she’s certainly not stupid. She just watched you in go-go bars tipping 100 baht notes left right and centre, smashing shots and knocking off 15K baht a night. Where did that bloke go? And some people say Thais lie all the time and misrepresent themselves…yeah, right.

Then of course there are the multitude of guys that stuffed it all for the average punter anyway. Those who couldn’t keep it as a transaction and just had to tell every bargirl that sucked their old fella how much they loved them and how much they would do for them and how sorry they felt for them and of course, “Tilac I will come your bar tomorrow.” Then there are the other clowns better known as “sponsors” – guys that literally only come here once or twice a year but yet send their hooker of choice upwards of 20K baht a month. I personally know of one guy who only came here once a year on his annual holidays yet sent “his” girl 60K baht a month…every month, for the apparent ability to get exclusivity when he was in town, which he would have got anyway if he spent 10% of that on the girl while he was here. Now you don’t need to be a student of advanced mathematics to realise if a girl has 2 or more “sponsors” she is already living the dream and that’s without even getting one lady drink for the month or her normal salary. Throw in a couple of 2-week millionaires paying well over the odds and she is flying in anyone’s language.

The truth though as Stick so correctly stated is that they don’t have any need or desire to spend any more time with the average farang than necessary. If you’re a good sort (even if your not, it seems, these days, going by Stick’s girls of the week) and have access to social media you could potentially be on hire at an escort agency, spruiking on Tinder, Smooci, ThaiFriendly or whatever they all are plus working in a bar or go-go. God bless em and good luck to them, I love to see an earner earning. Stick could help me here but I don’t think it would be unrealistic to say there are workers pulling down in excess of @150 000 baht a month, that’s 6 grand Aussie. So why would she want to stay with you and realistically could you afford it? If you could, would you spend that sort of money on a prostitute wife? The girls in the game now are heavy on the game. I would say most choose and enjoy what they do and have no interest in finding a farang jai dee to “take care” of them. 2 examples. I still am pretty good mates with a few girls that are heavy in the industry and these are their tales. One works in a very popular bar in Soi Diana. She is actually getting on a bit now, but still is in remarkably good shape. She gets minimum 3 ladies drinks a day every day and gets taken home every night most months that is without counting any extra-curricular short times on the side. During the day she runs a taxi service doing airport runs and still does the job herself but now owns 3 other cars and has her mates doing the same as well. Let’s just say she is entrepreneurial (and owns 3/4 of her home town) and smart and loaded and has zero interest in getting out of the industry. Another lady I have known for years works in a very popular bar in Soi Nana. Good sort, top bird and used to do pretty well. She, not so long ago, won the Thai lottery with 3 tickets to the tune of @11 million baht (proud as punch she even made front page of the paper) to which I thought, great, couldn’t happen to a nicer girl now she can get out. Wrong. Told me she wouldn’t give it up for anything and the only thing that has changed for her is that she now only sleeps with “customers” of her choosing, which she thinks is outstanding and she no longer has to go with any mug who pays her barfine.

So without getting all teary-eyed and nostalgic, our world pre-internet and as far as this story goes pre-web browser enabled smart phone was a much simpler place. I could harp on about how “all” the girls back in the “old days” were so much better and kinder and of course beautiful but also really knew how to “take care”. Without talking the piss though, when was the last time you woke up after a long time in the morning and your clothes were folded, your shoes neatly lined up outside, you got your nails trimmed, had a shower before breakfast, maybe a massage and then for some reason something of hers “accidentally” got left in your room so she would have a reason to come find you again later in the day. To be honest though, those girls just had a lot less options, had been exposed to a lot less and in my opinion may have even been somewhat grateful to a bloke willing to get her off the game.

So what’s it all mean? Who knows, I’m not that guy. Haven’t got a Scooby Doo but I would make some recommendations. With a big “in my opinion”, I would have put capitals but I don’t like to shout. Don’ t go looking for a wife / girlfriend in a bar in Thailand anymore. I think those days are well and truly past and a mug’s game with any girl on the game these days. Don’t “sponsor” hookers. There is zero to be gained, promises you nothing and gives the girl in question an overinflated perception of her market value. If you do decide to get attached do not think about what she is doing while you aren’t there (that in itself should tell you what a stupid idea it is) until such point that you are in Thailand full-time, you are married or she no longer works bar…preferably all 3 to be safe. Just don’t write into Stick when it all goes pear-shaped, please, we have heard it all before.

Cheers

Starky

The author cannot be contacted.