The Phd Girl Who Fooled Me

I met Ploy on Tinder in Bangkok during August, 2016. As a middle aged guy divorced 9 years ago and finding the online dating scene in the UK demoralising….I decided to take my first trip to Thailand and see what all the fuss was about. I wasn’t looking for pay for play, I was hoping meet “normal” girls and see what happens. So I booked a one-month trip.

She is 28, lives about an hour outside Bangkok and was doing a Phd in University. We chatted briefly on video and agreed to meet for dinner the following day. She offered to drive to my hotel in Asoke and eat somewhere locally.

Then came a surprise. She called the morning of our meeting and explained that she lived with her parents and they didn’t like her returning late…so requested to stay the night with me! I was somewhat shocked that an educated girl would make such a request with someone she had never even met! But maybe this Thailand I thought and agreed. It was an amazing evening….I experienced feelings I thought were long since gone…she was good!

Over the course of the month, we saw a lot of each other. She was attractive, smart, classy, affectionate and fun to be with. We travelled to various parts of the country and had a great time. She never asked for money, although I paid her expenses. I was of course aware of our age gap and pondered her motives, but I was too busy enjoying it to care.

One thing bugged me however…when she wasn’t with me she was very hard to reach by text. Sometimes not replying for over 24 hours. I thought this strange. Surely if you liked someone enough to spend a month with them, you would reply at least the same day.

Finally I had to return home. We stayed in touch and chatted by video every day. She told how much she missed me and asked me to return. She even brought up marriage on one occasion. So I booked another monthly trip for the start of November, only 2 months after leaving.

Then a few days later came the bombshell. At 3 aMBangkok time I get a text: “Sorry I cannot talk to you anymore. I have a boyfriend. Sorry I lied to you and wasted your time, goodbye forever.” There were no further communications from her until 4 days later when she contacted me on a different phone. Apparently she wanted to explain.

The story was she had met a middle-aged Canadian doctor who was teaching in Bangkok and wanted to pursue a relationship with him. But it didn’t end there. She told me prior to meeting him she had slept with some other guy who had passed on genital herpes to her, only discovering it after started the relationship with the doc and had then passed it on to him! Clearly the doc was having doubts about her himself since he managed to gain access to her mobile phone in the night while she slept, and discovered the messages to me and other guys. An argument ensued and I received the goodbye text. Had she not been forced to text me she wouldn’t have told me she was seeing someone.

I asked her why she did this and she replied that all her friends behave in the same way. I managed to contain my anger and we chatted a bit more. Astonishingly she told me she wanted to remain my friend but would have to text on her second phone since she didn’t want the doc to discover! I was beginning to see this girl in a different light.

We didn’t communicate much in the weeks that followed, however when I returned to Bangkok I text her. She replied quickly and told me that although she & the new boyfriend were still together, she wanted to visit me. I assumed it was for old time’s sake and agreed. She came for dinner and during the meal her boyfriend called. She guestured to me to be silent while she told him she was home with her family! Nothing happened between us but she wanted to come back again 2 days later. I couldn’t understand why, although I found it hard to say no. In truth I still wanted her.

She came for lunch and once again things were platonic. However back at my condo she asked to use the bathroom. Then she emerged with her knickers down simply to show me she had now started shaving. She quickly retreated however, reminding me she had a boyfriend! It was extraordinarily maddening behaviour.

I tried to forget her over the next 2 weeks as I met other women. But then received a text informing me she & her boyfriend had split up and she wanted to talk about us getting back together. She visited again. I asked if she was upset following the break-up. No she said, I didn’t love him! And although she said it was too soon for us to sleep together, that didn’t last long and I found it hard to resist.

We saw each other several times during my last week and talked about the future together. On my last day she took me to the airport and we said goodbye.

However on the flight back I thought a lot about the events of the past few months and gradually came to my senses. How on earth could I pursue a relationship with someone who showed a complete disregard for other people and was a consummate liar? For all I knew she would be off with other men again the moment my plane took off.

It was tough since I’d become emotionally attached, but back home I sent her a long email explaining my thoughts and telling her why we could not be together. I never heard back from her…

The whole episode left me confused. What was she really all about ? What was she trying to achieve ? I shall never know for sure, but my best guess would be something like this…

Firstly given the age difference money is clearly a key factor. She never requested anything, but she may be playing the long game. She probably wants to snag a wealthy white older man for marriage and perhaps she’s hitting the panic button. Despite all the sweet talk she’s probably very cynical and assumes the chances of long term success with any farang are slim. So she adopts a shotgun approach dating a few guys at the same time in the hope that one will come off. Sex is like having a cup of tea for her. She also obsessively keeps in contact with other guys both new and ex bf’s for whatever reason. It’s all part of the game…

I still think she enjoyed the time we spent together but the sentiments she expressed to me had to be basically fake…

The author can be contacted at : J2016Uk@gmail.com