Miss Vung Tau
My adventure in to the very highs and shattering lows of meeting, courting and falling for a Vung Tau bargirl started in the early months of 2015 and continued until just a few weeks ago. I have studied the Stickman site and stories religiously over the last few weeks to try and glean some answers from the experiences told by poor hapless love fools like me. Today I stumbled across a story written way back in 2006 titled “A Vietnamese Tale – My Perfect Wife” and my jaw literally hit my desk at what I was reading. Our stories are not identical, but the similarities and outcome are very profound indeed…
My company chose a Ho Chi Ming City-based ship builder to build a number of offshore rigs in Saigon which are then floated down to Vung Tau for final commissioning and handover to the client. As an Operations Manager, I play an integral role in this final process so I often found myself on extended stopovers in Vung Tau for the better part of 2015 and early 2016.
During these stays I would be accommodated in one of the more plush hotels in Vung Tau, quite near one of the popular bar areas, and in particular, one nice open air expat bar. The daily routine was shipyard 7 AM – 5 PM, shower, a couple of cold beers, dinner and do it all again the next day.
To clarify early in the story, I had separated from my wife in 2014. I am Singapore-based and have enjoyed a good healthy and adventurous 57 years of life, the majority of it in the offshore industry and 42 years of surfing, so appearance wise, luckily, I do not fit the average 57-year old mould. In addition I had been involved with a Javanese lovely for the previous 12 months, so I wasn’t out looking for woman, however the “window shopping” was always great to partake in…
Over the last 4 decades I have done a lot of travelling, surfing and working throughout Asia, so I thought I had it in check with how the system worked with Asian bar and working girls. We never stop learning, do we?
Once I had my daily routine underway, I became a regular face at the expat bar most evenings, enjoying a couple of cold beers and taking in the scenery. Of course as a man with a keen eye for the beautiful female form, one particular stunning young lady always made it her business to serve me my beers, of which I was quite responsive and polite. After my first dozen or so visits, and our warm greetings to each other [and getting warmer] I finally began to buy drinks for her and we would sit quietly chatting about general topics.
Of course our conversation eventually came to our ages and family commitments and I was completely honest from the word go about my separation, how many children I had, and the number of years I had been on the planet. I was certainly surprised to learn that missy was 27, but looked 22 [and later found out from her passport she was 25] and with no children. At the revelation that we had a 32 year age difference, I decided to pull back a bit on the visits and the flirting chatter. However, some evenings I was magnetically attracted to the bar, and into the waiting presence of the little darling.
On one particular evening, I took my usual outside seat and began to witness the poor girl being harassed and groped by a rude customer of Scottish persuasion, and seemingly not enjoying the experience at all, so on seeing me, she rushed to my table and I suddenly realised that she really did seem to enjoy my company and I was exactly feeling the same. This didn’t go down to well with Mr Scotland, who decided to come over to my table and inform me she was his girl and had been for 3 weeks already. His statement was countered by Missy, who called bullshit on his claim and so off he wandered, heart-broken, into the night…..Lucky bastard, I wish I had joined him. I will reiterate at this stage that I did not have any real thoughts of beginning any sort of relationship with this young woman, as I was fairly dedicated to Miss Java, back in Singapore, so I played the polite gentleman game telling myself my work commitments were top priority.
That evening, at the suggestion of my new beautiful friend, we caught a cab to another of the bar owner’s establishments where we enjoyed the privacy of a dark corner and soothing music, where I suddenly realized this was the most special evening I had experienced in a very long time. She was beautiful, soft and extremely sexy and the little exotic murmurs she let out when I kissed her neck, sent signals to me that could not be ignored. So much for the polite gentleman.
So from this point on, we were together at the bar every night until she finished work and then she would stay with me in my hotel room until I went to work the next morning. Although I had to pay for a second room as per hotel rules, to lay in bed and make love with this gorgeous little creature every night was an experience not many men of my age get to experience.
As can be imagined, my sleep hours decreased as did my phone calls and messages to Miss Java, with one back pedalling occasion where I sent an SMS message to Miss Java, meant for Miss Vung Tau…..geez, that took some fancy footwork to dance around.
Following a month of intense passion, I headed back to Singapore with my head spinning. My little Vung Tau queen kept in constant contact and it wasn’t long before my boss was sending me back up for another vessel handover and another rotation of Vietnamese sexual pleasures.
“Come in Spinner”
This time, I opted to find a permanent rental apartment as opposed to the hotel, and Miss Vung Tau immediately moved in with me and this is how it stayed for the next 18 months. [Unfortunately, I had to read the ‘split up act’ to Miss Java, which was hard to do, but my heart and head/s all said I had found a truly beautiful girl to spend my life with.
Now, here you might well say ‘What were you thinking” with 32 years age between us, [my mate rightfully pointed out that I was 37 when she was 5] but the more time we spent together on my frequent visits, and the more I taught her in the bedroom, I can honestly say that we were both very much in love. The passion and trust was undeniable. She also liked watching porn and bringing new experiences into the bedroom and when we were apart, distance certainly did not stop our sexual energy through social media.
As the shipyard work eased up and my Vietnam work trips became less frequent, I would often come to HCMC on Friday nights and bring missy back to Singapore on Sunday for a few weeks so we really got to spend a lot of time together and I truly thought this relationship was not only going to work, I really believed it was blossoming and could never end.
Some nagging doubts soon began to surface.
Missy’s younger sister lived in Vung Tau and was married to a Pommy bloke and they had a baby daughter. My girlfriend seemed to be heavily influenced by the sister for some reason. Maybe it was her success of marrying Mr England or the recent boob job he got her. I often wondered why I was not invited over to their house, especially on a couple of occasions when their mother was visiting, but I did not think too much of it. In addition, the Pommy had no time for me when I visited the bar and when he was forced to acknowledge me, he had a handshake like a wet mullet and a personality that matched. I should have realized then that I was not welcome in the clan.
Like I said, the relationship cruised along for 18 months and I finally began to realise that the sexual bliss was the real core of the relationship and other important factors such as intellectual stimulation fell by the wayside. I was becoming more annoyed with her phone being her second best friend next to me and I had no grasp of the Vietnamese language, so naturally I trusted her when she told me who she was talking [read squawking] to on the other end…..usually mother or sister. She refused to leave the Singapore apartment on her own for shopping or fresh air and spent her days sleeping or on the silly phone waiting for me to come home, but the welcome I got was always beautiful and refreshing. I will admit she always kept the place clean and tidy. The time apart eased the strain a bit on the maturity and intellectual shortfalls and it was business as usual once we were together again.
As you would imagine the money I laid out over the eighteen months was quite substantial, but I wasn’t really counting because it seemed so natural to provide for someone I loved and cherished so much. Things like Vung Tau apartment rental with utilities, furniture, phones, clothes, dental work, paying back money borrowed from her sister, money to send the family, money for her purse, numerous flights to and from Singapore, restaurants etc. etc. all paid without a blink and I imagine the conservative total to be around the 40K mark, bearing in mind I made 29 trips to VN in 18 months.
It should be noted that although we were in a relationship for just under 18 months real time, she proudly claimed it was 2 years and I went along with this as a cute error in her arithmetic. Keep in mind a good deal of this time we were apart so the actual time spent arm in arm was more like 8 months.
So, now the slow to rapid decline…
I would often lay in bed next to this beautiful young woman and remark on the fact that I was indeed an old man [but young in heart and health] and she would merely comment that she liked it that way because of all the old reasons…..”don’t like Vietnamese boys or men” etc. I will also admit that I was becoming very self-conscious about heading out to restaurants or shopping centres in Singapore, and even in Vung Tau holding hands with a young woman only seven years into adulthood. I got some filthy stares! But the sex was phenomenal for both of us…..so one cancelled out the other I guess…..or so I thought.
So now, I will explain in point form how this all ended so quickly and painfully for me and seemingly how calculated and timely it was for my Miss Vung Tau.
- I had made a very recent trip to Vung Tau to pay the apartment rent in advance, pay all the usual outstanding owed monies and pay for the long planned tonsil removal operation. Handed over a tidy US4K. This was the last time I saw her.
- Returned to Singapore and on to Dubai for a quick rig visit and planning my next Vietnam visit on return.
- Received the normal nice messages and photos from Miss Vietnam on an hourly basis.
- She sends me a message informing me of a big party at her bar.
- I arrived back in Singapore and called on Skype to a seemingly “icy” reception.
- Slightly fazed, I let it go and waited until the following morning to call and let her know my flight times to HCMC.
- I was promptly told she was returning to her hometown due her grandmother dying and a big family problem, “so you cannot come up, and by the way, you have been sending SMS to other girls!”
- WTF – She sends me a screen shot taken from my phone, 12 months earlier of a WhatsApp message to a girl [ my mate’s girlfriend – very innocent ] She then tells me she is moving out of “my” apartment – I try to counter this with legitimate reasoning and logic but she is intent on running with this “other girl” issue.
- Complete silence for the next day as she is not online and she is not answering calls
- I get a Viber message from someone [no idea who] telling me she has lost her phone. Message reads “don’t worry” which of course is exactly what I am doing…
- I send a message to her sister asking for her family’s phone number and get another icy vague reply, “don’t worry”.
- 2 days later I get the message [from the mysterious lost phone] telling me to “find a new girlfriend” “I have met a new man who can give me a future”. Of course by now I am completely distraught and confused.
- 5 more days and no messages and she is unreachable by phone.
- Then I get an SMS asking me if I’m OK? WTF sort of question is that?
- We finally talk on Viber where I am confronted by the same girl with a completely different demeanour.
- She then tells me she has a 6 year old son and she was married when she was 19 to some Vietnamese bloke and maybe still is – WTF x2
- She asks me to deposit $1000 into her account which of course I do.
- Three more days of the SMS battle trying to defend myself from her accusations of being with other women and not offering her a future, house and baby.
- I tell her to FO and I delete all her contact details and photos and throw all of her clothes from my apartment, in the bin…even the skimpy little G-strings I loved so much.
- She contacts me and says she so sorry and please forgive her
- Of course I melt and do.
- I say, I’m flying up tomorrow, “we must talk”
- She says No, big family problems still, uncle dying [I thought it was grandmother?]
- She starts communicating like before and I rest uneasily on what is really going on.
- She says she is going back to her hometown to be with her family.
- More erratic and strange messages- Still accusing about my SMS to girls and me not committing to or talking about a future.
- I caught her out lying about where her passport was. In Vung Tau she said it was in her hometown, in her hometown she said it was in Vung Tau.
- So many more back and forth messages trying to defend my relationship integrity, although she only told me about her son after one and a half bloody years….little bitch is seriously hiding something.
- Her messages come back to the same loving tone as before, but I am still very uneasy about WTF is really going on as she is forgetting her own lies about many things.
- She then sends me another photo of some chick I slept with before I even met her.[ I have got no idea how she got that….bloody jungle drums]
- She then accuses me of getting back with my wife – WTF [ wife lives in The Netherlands so that certainly was not going to happen]
- I tell her “she is treating me like a dog” and I tell her to FO for the third time.
- I decide Miss Vung Tau is Miss Nutcase.
- She calls me to apologize and asks if I can come to HCMC to get her.
- Yes, I say I will book a ticket and come tomorrow….”we must talk”
- No she says, “cannot come tomorrow, still have big family problem.”
So, it’s about this point in time, where I decide the little bitch is actually lying and deceiving through her teeth to me about everything and there really is something else going on. Yep, I have imagined every scenario to convince myself that there really is a big family problem but in actual fact that this whole break up was calculated and worst of all, she did it by SMS and weak supposed evidence she got from my phone 12 months earlier. It’s amazing how the Skype WiFi signal was so bad in the last 5 weeks, because she could not look me in the eye. Everything was by SMS.
Two weeks ago I got the last messages from her telling me ‘she loves me so much and please stay with her forever’. Then she goes off line for another day and then the final message comes through “ Hi, how are you, Mike”?
Mike!,… She hasn’t called me Mike since I first met her, so I promptly reply, “I think we should finish”. She goes offline and has not come back on since.
To admit that the 6 weeks of emotional turmoil really affected me is an understatement, as I knew I did nothing wrong during our relationship, but I was constantly trying to defend myself against the pathetic and baseless accusations of a 25 year old Vietnamese bargirl. My every thought was to protect this girl and give her a great secure life both physically and emotionally and to face accusations of my infidelity was just plain cruel especially when she had just coughed up the revelation about her 6 year old son….geez..
Like I said, I had come up with so many scenarios until I opened up Stickman yesterday and read “The Perfect Wife” story and things really came in to focus. Based on Vietnamese cultural “rules”, saving face and losing face are highly ranked achievements or failures. Breaking promises is completely frowned upon and the rule of all rules is that the daughters tow the family line to ensure the family is cared for financially, no matter what.
I know she loved me dearly, I know this for a fact, and I can proudly say I loved her. I actually think deep down she still does, but there was a major shift in her world and she could not be the free-thinking woman that I thought she was. The family had intervened.
During the convalescent period following the tonsil operation, her mother came to stay with her in our apartment for a week. It is very highly likely during this period that she was told to consider [instructed, demanded] the folly of our relationship. “He is still married and he has not talked of a future in two years so this ends now” “He has got you in his apartment and you are only his fuck chicken!” “His time is up!” “ Go and find another man who can give us a future!”
You see, I was ostracised from the family so I had no real chance.
And this is what she exactly did. Followed instructions. The night of the bar party, she was targeting a new man and my Skype call caught her off guard, hence the icy reply. The next day the big family problem surfaced and she went off the radar and the rest is history. Although she wrestled with her own feelings of love for me over the ensuing weeks, the family comes first. She admitted she will never forget me and I will never forget her, but she broke her promise to me and that set the stage for the weeks of lies and deception. So my beautiful bar girl was exactly that….a beautiful bar girl, but not mine anymore.
I was seriously ready to commit my future to this girl.
Over the period of the last two months, I have written many testimonials to myself on the reasons why this happened and I compiled a list of 39 items of why our relationship was never going to work, but no matter what or why, I can clearly and openly admit we loved each other, but in saying that I have to remind myself that this woman had gone through my phone and found ammunition that she safely kept in the vault until it was ready to use.
I still look at my stupid phone religiously secretly hoping that the nice messages will appear again and the whole recent affair is a bad dream. I am not going to give any advice because the simple fact that the Stickman contributors stories have all the lessons you need to learn in black and white.
Bar girls are not all bad, they are just puppets to invisible influences and the family will always comes first, always. I know so much more now and I will never regret the time we spent together and yep, I will meet a new girl Vietnamese woman one day and handle things a lot differently.
I was lucky to have a great mate with me to support me through this shit and as he knew her he was also completely flabbergasted by the sudden change in her character.
To end, there were things going on in my world she or her family were not aware of as I kept them to myself for the sake of a bit of confidentiality.
- I make more in one month than she could make in 3 years and have another 3 year contract in front of me.
- I own a beautiful house and property in Australia
- I have a very good life insurance policy
- My divorce proceedings have been underway for a while now.
By the way, the last 1000 I sent her got returned to my account because she gave me the wrong account details…