Stickman Readers' Submissions October 26th, 2016

A Happy Ending

It was interesting to read last week’s weekly and hear you are coming and going between NZ and Thailand. It reminded me of my introduction to Thailand. After a long career in education in Canada I had retired along with my wife of 30 years to teach for a couple of years in Malaysia. A buddy of mine also took the same route but ended up in Thailand.

My wife and I found that, as empty nesters, we did not have much in common and with the aid of two Russian women (if you think Thai women can mess you up, try a few Russians) my marriage fell apart and I ended up visiting Thailand every few weeks for a weekend.

He Clinic Bangkok

After 30 years of marriage, the last 22 years without sex (which is not that uncommon with the mobile refrigerators we end up marrying in Farangland) I went over the top in to the deep end of the Thai bar industry and took 2 girls back to the hotel, every Friday and Saturday night. I could afford the lifestyle with an indexed pension plus a full-time teaching gig in Malaysia.

Eventually I found a youngish (32 years) old Thai women that I liked so I rented a condo and moved her in. I arranged for some English lessons for her and gave her 20,000 baht a month spending money. I assumed she would be happy and stay out of the bars, just like most inexperienced farang dumb-fxxxs would do.

I had to make a return trip to Canada to attend my mother’s funeral and when I arrived back in Thailand a month later, my Thai buddy informed me that my Thai girlfriend had been back working in the bar. We decided to confront her over dinner and a few beers and after much crying (give her credit, no denials, she came clean). She figured the chances of me coming back were 50/50 and she was bored in the condo by herself, scared of the ghost who lived there as well, and had moved back in to the room above Suzy Wong’s which she shared with 3 other girls. The 25,000 baht I had given her had been invested in rubber trees being planted back on the farm that would start to be harvested in about 8 years. Now, in hindsight, what she did made eminent sense from a Thai girl’s perspective.

CBD bangkok

Our relationship lasted for one year and we were both fairly happy but back in Farangland, my divorce was prolonged and cost me a shitload of money in lawyer’s fees and to make a long story short, we started drifting apart and I only saw her on the weekends. She wanted a commitment from me that I was unable to give.

By this time, I was living in Thailand full-time, on a retirement visa and had lots of free time. One night I bumped into a free-lancer in Hillary 2 and we hit it off. I affectionately nicknamed her gf2 and told her about gf1 whom I saw on the weekends only and she was working full-time on the outskirts of Bangkok, whereas I lived on Soi 22 in the heart of Bangkok.

It turns out gf2 was a massage girl and worked 11 AM to 2 AM, 6 or 7 days a week. That meant that if I wanted to have lunch with her or play some pool, or go listening to some live music, I had to barfine her. She suggested I could ‘look after her’ and I asked how much that would cost me and she stated that she made 50,000 baht a month in the massage place and would need that amount a month. I had no doubt she made that amount as she was very good at what she did and was often taken out of the parlour for a week at a time to accompany ‘business’ men on their travels. I told her she was too expensive for me and ‘could not do’ and laughingly suggested she could visit me from 2 AM to 10AMm Mondays to Thursdays at my condo, if she so wished. To my surprise, she accepted and I became jokingly her Thai boyfriend under the bed!, which is a reference to the fact that many Thai gfs with a farang bf, often have a Thai bf on the side.

This arrangement with gf1 on the weekends and gf2 on the weeknights went on for about a year. It became disrupted when I met gf3. I still had lots of free time on the weekdays and weeknights (until 2 AM, and sometimes gf2 was too busy to visit) so I would go bar hopping. One night I ventured down a lane in Queen’s Park Plaza on Soi 22 that I never walk down and lo and behold, I notice a young Thai girl who flashed me the most welcome smile in all of Thailand. I smiled back, but kept walking but, for some reason (probably male hormones) I looped back around, just to see that smile again. I said hello, and got a hello back and asked her a simple question, got a blank look and she called a friend over. It turns out that she had almost no English! At this point I usually beat a hasty retreat as there are many beautiful smiles out there that can speak Tinglish at least. We chatted via the bar girl translator and I asked her how long she had been working in the bar and she said 3 days.

wonderland clinic

Our first night out playing pool with our translator T (her name really starts with T) was interesting. First off, besides pretty Thai girls, I live to play pool, and playing pool with pretty Thai girls just does not get any better! We ordered a couple of pitchers of beer and played a few games. We then headed off to Hillary 2, one of my favorite music venues along with Climax (because I have gotten to know many of the band members, 3 of which became enamored with one of my Russian friends who now works as a model in Malaysia (but that is the tale for another yarn).

We closed out Hillary with myself learning that gf3 loved to party and dance, but like many Thai girls, can’t handle the booze well. We took a taxi home and I dropped the ladies off at their bar in Soi 22 and I gave them each 2,000 baht for their time. Through T, gf3 asked, ‘You not go with me?’, and I answered, ‘You’re gf3, not want, just want to see you have fun and be a friend to you. You need a good friend in Bangkok if you want to survive in the bars’. The dubious nooby waved goodbye. T was baffled as well.

I repeated this night out 2 times over the next 2 weeks, but without the translator. The teacher in me figured I could teach gf3 English in no time. I also told gf3 not to wear heels when we go out as she was constantly tripping over them, especially after a few drinks. BTW, that is another good method of telling how long a girl has worked in the bar industry. If she can walk a kilometer in 5-inch heels, she’s been there for a while! Each time, when the night was over, I would drop her at her bar and pay 2,000 baht for her time, explaining through T that she had lost the chance to earn money by being with me. T informed me I had a good heart, which I do.

The 4th and last time we partied, I dropped her off as usual but received a phone call from the owner of the bar, who suggested I come and take gf3 home because she was drunk and crying ‘Jimmy’ and was not good for the bar. Problem! This was a week night and I never know if gf2 will drop by to spend the night, which was usually 50% of the time. However, having the good heart that I do, and only regretting the things I have not done, not the things I haven’t done, I walked up 22 to bring her back to my place in a taxi. I quickly deposited her into bed with all her clothes (actually a skimpy black dress) and turned off the lights and whispered a prayer to the bar gods that gf2 pass me by tonight.

Now gf2 has her own key and pass card, so barring placing a chair propped up against the door, I am SOL if she decides to visit which she does. Now, in the middle of a divorce I am well aware of the ‘a woman scorned’ theory but a pissed off Thai girl who finds another Thai girl in bed where she plans to play and sleep is an experience you don’t want to have to go through! Gf2 insisted that I make gf3 disappear immediately and my pleas that she still had her clothes on fell on deaf ears and a very scary facial experience so I quickly picked her up and walked her out to the street and flagged a taxi telling him to drop her at her bar up the street.

Not happy with the turn of events, I went back upstairs to a somewhat mollified gf2 and explained to her that our relationship as we know it has come to an end and that I would like my pass card and key back and we can get together after a 24 hour cooling down period (highly recommended for pissed off Thai girls) and discuss what happened. We subsequently did and my relationship as her ‘Thai boy under the bed’ ended although we still chat and I deliver roses to her place of work on her birthday each year. She is simply not the Thai girl for me. Many farangs make that mistake.

That left with gf1 on the weekends and the newly promoted gf3 (now referred to as gf2). I decided to raise the issue that I suspected that gf1 now had a Thai boyfriend she was interested in but was seeing me on the weekends to ensure she received her 20,000 baht monthly allowance. As usual with gf1, she did not deny it and stated that she was getting on, and the Thai man was hi-so and wanted to marry her. So we parted amiably and we stay in contact, and I think of her often as she could have been the girl for me if not for my wife dragging out the divorce. She is now happily married to the said hi-so Thai man and enjoying her new social status.

Gf2, now promoted to gf1 promptly moved in and I talked to the bar owner, paid the usual leaving the bar celebration fee of 10,000 baht (so they can work later on if required on whatever hours they wish, mainly for social reasons). It turns out S (gf1) and I have quite a bit in common. We are both hyperactive (leg thumpers), both year of the Tiger, and my birthday is September 23 and hers is September the 24th, so we usually celebrate in Hillary 2 on September 23rd at midnight.

There is an age discrepancy of 36 years so S refers to me as the snake.

S moved in during April and by September she was pregnant. The usual thought is ‘dumb-fxxx’ or ‘way to go, old man’. When S was 2 weeks late with her period we stopped by Cabbages and Condoms (restaurant and abortion clinic) and S had an ultrasound and sure enough, there was a little speck that would turn into our baby boy. Now S has had 2 previous Thai boy relationships, one a marriage and 3 previous children, so despite only being 27, she is no spring chicken in certain ways. She asked me, “Jimmy, what we do?’ I decided to play the Thai game of, ‘Up to you!’ which we both played for about a week.

I sought out my best friend in Bangkok and I thought he would simply call me a ‘dumb-fxxx, you should know better!’ but his comment was, ‘You are so lucky, children are God’s gift to mankind!’. I was taken aback and the next morning I asked S what she wanted and she replied with a question, ‘Jimmy, if I keep baby, will you stay with me?’. You already know my answer, but when it comes right down to it, in a land of uncertainty, with citizens who don’t plan for a future that may never be, what a Thai girl wants is someone to look after her and her family, which if you are readers of Stick know means extended family.

I insisted that S give birth in a first class hospital that S disapproved of because of the expense, which was about a third of what it would be in the States. She spent her previous labor on the back of a motorbike for 45 minutes to get to a rural hospital so I insisted she experience the best Bangkok had to offer. Unlike in North America, I could not attend the actual birth but it was a short 60 minutes and done.

Most Thai moms leave the next day with the baby bundled up on the back of a motorbike. S stayed in comfort for 4 days and I enjoyed the red button, which always summoned 2 pretty young Thai nurses within 15 seconds. So unlike Canada! The food was great and we had an iPad, big screen TV panel, high speed internet and I had my own bed to sleep on. The washroom had a rain shower. Partial kitchen had kettle, microwave, etc.

So, I was a Dad again at 64 years of age. Has it been easy? NO! Has it been fun at times? YES! Has it been interesting? ‘ALWAYS’. Any regrets? No! As mentioned before, don’t regret the things you do, regret the things you do not do, but make amends when you mess up. That is the way to a ‘Good Heart’ 🙂

A word of wisdom to would be punters – don’t start a relationship with a Thai girl you could not envision as a friend if you weren’t boinking her and you won’t go too far wrong .. but then again, I have been known to be wrong at times 🙂 but I do know, you can be really happy in a long-term Thai relationship if you get it right, which is not easy, as many readers can attest to.

Fast forward 3 years and gf3 and I are married, she is fluent in English, and we have a 2-year old boy who is the joy of our lives. We still live on Soi 22 and are very much part of that community. If your readers are interested I will follow up with how we made this work, and what happened to gf1 and gf2, especially when gf2 arrived at my condo at 2:30 one morning to find gf3 in my bed. I have remained good friends with gf1 and gf2 to this day.

A loyal reader of 6 years, and a believer that a farang can find peace and happiness in the LOS.

The author cannot be contacted.

nana plaza