Stickman Readers' Submissions September 24th, 2016

Dancing Girl Part 2

Leading on from my last submission here which was published on the site on 2/6/2016 as promised I'm following
up on this with part 2. I recommend you read this first submission before this one to keep up to date. Also to mention I'm not posting this for some kind of self-satisfaction or counselling simply as my experience may help someone else.

Today I continue with work to visit Thailand every few weeks but work life has changed here now. Before as our company was a new business to Thailand we were spending all our time promoting what we do so on a night we would hit the bars so my Thai life was almost like a tourists however my company has started work on a big project in Thailand so my time currently is spent with customers or on site, my bar visits are few and far between now but I must say it’s a nice change from the last time I posted here. I really did grow tired of the bars thinking about it and just to get my teeth into work and then go to bed at 10 PM is a lovely welcomed change. I've also moved away location wise from the bars in nana / Pattaya for a new area, I’m not based in a hotel anymore either and again it’s a nice change to have my own place although compared to my house in the UK its very small. One thing I have started to question is the farang guys who move to Thailand and live there life in bars? I could not do that ever. My reason? Some of you who have spent lots of time in Thai bars aimed at the farang market may agree with this however when I first arrived to Thailand through my clouded perception of Thailand the girls loved the bars as much as the girls back home in the UK did, the UK girls work for many weeks and then get together with the other girls on a weekend, go drinking and go wild. I saw the bar girls in Thailand the same way HOWEVER once I'd lost the plot in drink god knows how many times and actually took the time to look around at what’s going on then you will notice the boredom the girls have who are sick to death of the repetitive bar game, the hidden yawns, the fact they don’t even like the customer there sat with and the fake laughs once I saw this I didn’t enjoy myself so much. As a tourist on a short visit you would never notice…

mens clinic bangkok

I will pick up where I left of back in June in my last submission up to present day…

So “Dancing girl” gets a tattoo of my name on her body for all to see, this situation is a new one for me. Sure girls in the UK do this but a Thai girl to do this for a farang? New one for me but I actually admired her guts to do that although I'm no sucker, she knows me well at this point and a tattoo she knows would not secure her a life with me. So I return home to the UK and we continue to talk on line everyday along with video calls, she’s totally obsessed with showing me exactly what she’s doing 24/7 and this I can assure you was not a request from me, I'm not a possessive guy at all and I actually found this rather annoying… where she is, what she's doing, screen shots of her Facebook messages same goes for Instagram and again with SMS messages she was and still is utterly transparent with me, In honestly I have a good 6th sense that does not usually let me down she also knows this but I just did not suspect she was doing anything but what she did was good thinking about it as I do trust her but again I've never had trust issues with any girl before, if I did I'd leave as I just wont go through all that. I don’t want to go on about the trust thing as it gets boring in most story’s I read here however given we had both been “naughty” in the past I suppose in her mind she was going above and beyond to show me she is indeed a good girl and can be loyal. It's important to add I was loyal and faithful also this time, I had girls in the UK I could go see but I dropped them… I don’t want to go on about it but I also dropped 2 wife material UK girls to simply research the avenue of a potential future with dancing girl so I suppose you could say I was “all in”… going “all in” I've learned in business and I do apply this to my personal life now then if I fails I know I gave it 100%, I’ve been in situations before where I'm cruising at 60% then wonder why it went wrong… never again.

Id had a long unexpected stint in the UK at this point and this had effected dancing girl, I was at home around 4 weeks and I decided it was time to turn the game up now, was this girl really “the one”? I was on a mission to find out so made big plans for my return to Thailand. Now as previously stated at no point in the last year of knowing her did I play I have money, give her any massive amounts of money or shower her with gifts, with any girl I don’t think this is a good idea at the start and this was no different but now I wanted to change the game plus I'd known here a year so why not. Because we were video calling so much she saw I had a nice car/house/clothes etc but the way I saw it I wanted her to see my life because its exactly that “my life” and if we were to work then she needed to see, I'd really shown her nothing of my life before as all we had been doing was having fun in Thailand. So I leave the UK for Thailand in July armed with a gold chain with my name on it to match the tattoo, now I'm sure lots of you are thinking I've simply branded the girl as mine, I can assure you this was not in my mind when I got this plus I just wanted her to have it for special occasions not to ware all the time, I got her a teddy which said “I love you dancing girl” (name changed obviously) and also I'm a big fan of Nike air trainers and I had got her a pair of pink ones as she also loves them. In addition to this I'd taken a week of work so the first 3 days I'd planned to take her to a real nice villa out of Bangkok, private place with swimming pool and our own staff… I'd already arranged 30 roses on the bed upon our arrival and “my name loves dancing girl” on the bed in rose petals. After the villa we would then go to her home in Khon Kaen to meet her family for a few days with me then leaving for work in Bangkok she was to stay in Khon Kaen. Plan set.

I land in Bangkok 4 weeks almost after my last visit which was the longest period in a year I'd been away from Thailand and she had been picked up from Pattaya by my driver already and they were both there waiting for me, she looked amazing but was crying as usual when she saw me and actually had me 8 roses, I’d never had flowers before it was a real nice thing to do, I'm not a soft guy me but that got me a bit that. I told her “one day I will buy you 30 red roses” knowing I already had them waiting in the villa. She just cried more and said she will look forward to this day. I love it when she cries which is strange.

So we set off to the villa its 3 hours outside Bangkok, for the first hour dancing girl was crying with zero control over her emotions that’s for sure. my driver is a good guy he was a taxi driver when my boss first met him and we employed him for our company he knows Bangkok perfectly and makes my life so much easier when I'm in Thailand, anyway we all talked for the whole duration of the 3 hour trip, I do always love coming back to Thailand it's 100% my second home. We arrived at the villa and I checked us in then our driver left us and we got on the back of a golf cart and was taken around half a km to our villa. As we entered the grounds we were greeted by an outside bed with a wooden roof, big outdoor pool with waterfall and a big beautiful villa, for the money I had paid which was a lot it was still amazing value for money, the staff showed us everything then they showed dancing girl the bed with the roses and her name in petals… Well she just stood there a sobbed, the staff left and I simply let her take it all in, I sound terrible but again I really love it when she cries! Now I’ve seen lots of crying in Thailand, in previous visits to nana I remember a river of rain that had flooded the whole street and a crazy Thai girl crying so hard at me she had given herself a nose bleed and at the same time trying to stab me in the face with her high heel… Ha anyway it wasn’t that kind of crying it was just a happy cry and I love it.

All the crying stopped and after a 1 million “thank you ka’s” we got in the pool and talked for 6 hours, for some reason we ended up talking about her life but in detail I'd never had before, At this point its worth reminding you that when I first met this girl she spoke no English so I spent months and months on Google translate and hours just trying to work out what on earth she was trying to tell me, sat in this pool at this moment I'd hate to think of how many hours I have invested in her English so to be at a point where she's leading conversation and telling me in-depth information about her was a moment I can tell you that. So basically she wanted to tell me her life story and I was happy to listen. She started from being a little girl and told the story right up to the point I met her it was one of the best talks I've ever had with a Thai person, in fact thinking about it I'd go as far to say it was the best talk I'd had with any person.

over the last year I'd always made it clear English are no better than Thai or vice versa BUT some ways work better the “Thai way” and some the “English way” of course I'm English and proud but over the years working in Thailand I've learned our way is not always the best so who I'm to try and make this girl English? I've seen many farang remove the Thai totally from girls and force their own culture upon the girl in question which I think is terrible and selfish. I set out from the start to show her my way but to learn hers also and let her take her own path hopefully with a good mixture of the 2. For those of you who don’t know Thailand it was the most frustrating place to try and work for me when I first arrived over 2 years ago. I've had to deal with people digging 30x30m holes by hand when there is a digger behind them, electricians working on electrics with the power live, welders using sunglasses or their hands for eye protection, being told something would arrive in an hour and learning fast you always time this number by 4 or one of the best ones was our driver who was trying to get rain water out of the back of our pick up but had parked on a ramp so all the water was behind the cab on the bed of the truck with the back higher than the front, he was scraping the water up hill to empty it… he was so shocked when we told him to turn the truck around and the water would just run out on its own. Anyway I really enjoyed her telling me her life story with no parts left out because she might lose face with me just straight to the point. I'd not realised she had only been in Pattaya 5 weeks before I met her when she was 19 she said it was the Buddha who gave her me. I must admit I see people taking about “sparks” and “links” with partners I really do think this girl is turning into my best friend along with being my lover. It's good. Sometimes the Thai mentality can limit a relationship in terms of not having an open heart but with us that’s not the case. Please also note guys I'm not a romantic at all, I just made the effort. My boss once told me “your rock hard you its wrong” he was right so I've been working on this.

wonderland clinic

So out the pool and I called our chef to prepare dinner next to the pool for us, me and dancing girl dressed up and we had an amazing 5 course dinner, I presented her with the teddy and then the gold chain plus the pink trainers and of course she starts crying again. Living up to her name we then got the music on and danced the night away it was a great night.

Something she also likes to do when we’re falling asleep is talk to me in Isaan about her feelings for me, she knows I don’t understand a word but there is something about this that I love, the gentle words she says and the pauses she takes in the middle of talking to have a think about what she is to say next, she will often start crying also when doing this. The Next day we did nothing but talk, 5-course dinner again and the next morning it was time to check out and head to the airport to visit her home.

We arrived in Khon Kaen I’d like to say with no issues however the flight was fine up until the point we over shot the runway onto the grass, I fly A LOT but I thought that was the end, I looked at dancing girl and almost said goodbye … no joke, I played what had happened down to her but it was booked us a car but also a hotel, I wanted to stay at her house but she was adamant there was no way, in Bangkok I'd been bitten to death by mosquitoes before and her home has even more hence her wanting us to stay in a hotel so I was ok with that. For those of you who did not read the first submission to this I'd actually met her daughter/mum and dad before in Pattaya but I'd never been to her home before so this was the first time for me along with my first visit to Isaan.

So we arrived to Khon Kaen, collected the car, checked in to the hotel which was only basic but no problem for me then headed 40 km out of Khon Kaen to her home. Honestly it was better than expected the picture dancing girl had painted was basically a shack but it was far from that and actually I found it to be very homely. Her mum and all her friends cooked us dinner and it was perfect, her daughter is great with zero issues there all she wants to do is play and count in English. As they speak Isaan I’ve not a clue what they speak about, I can run with Thai but Isaan I don’t want to learn yet as I'm still learning Thai and don’t want to confuse things so I just go with the flow, I did make a school boy error this night though, I used my foot to point at something her mum had made and I was quickly corrected by dancing girl but everyone saw this, I was annoyed as I know Thai culture but I'd just let my guard down and I'd forgot where I was I suppose. Never mind moving on but I won’t forget the looks of disgust.

Next day we had gone back to her home and her mum wanted to go to the supermarket as she was cooking for us that night so I drove dancing girl, her daughter and her mum to the shop where her mum I though was on a “supermarket sweep” my god did she fill that trolley fast! Now again I wasn’t on the ball here I was just rolling with it until I realised that was A LOT of food who was going to pay for it? I asked dancing girl and she said “I'm sorry” ha so I was taking this one for the team… I had a word with dancing girl and stated she should have “UK styled” this and at least told me what was going to happen BEFORE we were stood ready to pay, I really didn’t mind after all we were eating at her home but some pre warning would have been nice anyways 4000 baht later. That afternoon we got back and went for a walk, we went to her old school where the children were playing football so I joined in, it was amazing I played football for about 2 hours, I’m only 33 and fit but no way could I keep up with those kids they literally ran rings around me, this was a point in my life I can honestly say where I was truly humbled and felt lucky my job allows me such experiences. Dancing girl stood on the side line watching and taking 1 billion pictures.

This night was a night I'll never forget, I'm noting it here but I'll never forget it. However sorry guys I can’t put it all here, our secret that one.

Next day our last day there the whole village came to see me, totally unexpected but it was a laugh though, I find Isaan people even more easy going than Thai people if that’s possible, we also went to a local market where so many people looked at me I'm still not sure if I enjoyed the whole experience or not? Dancing girl explained these people had seen farang before but only old men never a young guy. I literally had people touching me and wanting pictures, strange one but I accepted it as an experience if nothing else. Dancing girl was real proud but I understand the whole Thai face concept so I was running with it. One thing I must point out and I will come back to this later on was her dad travelled nearly 200 km to see me, I thought this was a real effort to show me respect, he arrived and just me, dancing girl and close family had dinner I felt awkward? I didn’t read into it, I gave her dad lots of old and new clothes I didn’t want and he left on the 200 km back to where he worked in the middle of the night, we then left as I needed to return to Bangkok the next day for work and her mum didn’t even say goodbye? I was tired and although I noted this and I asked dancing girl if her mum is ok she just replied “my mum is sometimes crazy”… Will come back to this night later as I'd made a fundamental mistake.

At this point I will point out when dancing girl met me at the airport in Bangkok before to go to the villa she was also moving back home from Pattaya, when I was in the UK on my 4 week stint there we talked about her going back to Khon Kaen so she could be with her family and get a better job than a restaurant, we worked out well I say worked out I offered her a gesture of 10,000 baht per month to which she can add to with a new job once she found one in Khon Kaen. So here I was now leaving Khon Kaen alone to go to work in Bangkok and she was going to find a job in her home city of Khon Kaen. On the flight back to Bangkok I felt crap, you all know by now I love this girl but leaving her really was hard, I left her getting in a taxi crying of course and that was something I didn’t like, I just couldn’t stop her crying and as I was pushing time for the flight I had to leave her in that state… Heart breaking to say the least.

I arrived back to my room in Bangkok and was very lonely, before she would stay with me here and do all my cleaning/cooking washing etc but that was her choice I always had her there as company and I do genuinely enjoy coming home from work to her so sat in my room alone was a real lonely time I recall but I got on with it. We continued talking every day but as time went on she couldn’t find a job that could generate the kind of money she needed but I gave her a big talk on how to act in interviews etc so was confident she could pull of a new job and here is where the fun started…

I'd stipulated to her that yes I would take care of her by sending 10,000 baht, of course this is not a life changing amount of money but it was never pitched to her as this, it was always a little bit of money to add to her new jobs salary. Now its worth pointing out that if you don’t know Thai culture its really easy to think Thai people are all liars however if you do know Thai people they do lots to protect face in terms of how they look to others. I'd had a good amount of experience with this. Anyway as time passed remember my 6th sense? Well it started to talk to me, she had no job but here we are 4 weeks after I saw her and still she managing to live? I wont put here what she needs to pay for but I know all these figures and the money I was giving her just was not enough to cover this. Now I believe it was august time and very unexpectedly I had to fly home to the UK on an emergency with work, it was a bad time for me as I'd never had to leave Thailand so fast and to travel home knowing I was walking into a world of hell work wise was not an easy for me. Again I spoke to dancing girl daily but the 6th sense was going nuts. I trust this girl I can tell you that BUT she is Thai so how she goes about things is just not the way I would do things, one day she sent me a picture of her “looking for a job” and in the back ground there was a building and I could clearly see the telephone numbers on the building so I simply called the number and asked where they were… not surprisingly the Thai lady told me “Pattaya” haha very strange that as dancing girl as far as I know was in Khon Kaen. Here we go…

Now the old me would have called her and shot her down in flames for this but I can tell you I know exactly what had happened, now I think a recap is needed here, I met her when she worked in a gogo bar she hated so started free lance work where I had met her, we got together and she went to work in a sports bar just for drinks, “ye ye ye” I hear you cry however as the relationship was new I'd gone there when dancing girl had gone back home and when talking to another girl in this bar we went through all the girls on the wall, dancing girl was in this picture and the girl told me that she was one of the girls who does not go with customers. Add to this dancing girl did take me to the bar and there was no big cover up story I can honestly say she did not go with customers, anyway this bar she did ok money wise, the money was not massive but enough. I can tell you before I'd even called her she has gone back to that bar as her mum had already had a taste of the money from here… So I call her.

I'm calm although not happy I've been lied too, my agenda is simply that. I'm not thinking she’s in Pattaya going through 25 men a month, that is actually not a concern at all my concern is if she is the girl for me then I can’t accept this. Calmly I ask her are you in Pattaya, to which she tells me yes I'm back at the sports bar, I can’t tell you what a brake through this is, you guys might think I'm nuts but this is not Thai style, what I was expecting was 48 hours of denial which is something I did not get, there was no fight but what she did say is she's a bad girl as she had lied and I should leave here she’s no good for me etc but lots of crying from her which I couldn’t stop. I don’t believe issues like this can be fixed over the phone or on SMS so I simply stated I'm on my way back to Thailand and we can have a chat about this.

I arrive in Thailand this month (September 2016) and she comes to see me, she fully “UK styled” the conversation which took place and this is where I come back to when her dad drove 200 km to see me…

Id made a massive mistake and she had lost total face with her family. In my last submission I stated “the invite to Isaan has come I've spoken about sin sod and weddings” please readers understand the issue I’ve caused here… me and dancing girl had spoken about all this, I understand sin sod and stupidly i'd asked what dancing girl thinks her mum would expect and I remember her saying “we can ask her when we go” so it turns out short story dancing girl had told her mum I'm coming to discuss sin sod hence her dad driving 200 km to see me and remember I mentioned the close family meal? I'm sure you see where I'm going with this… yes they were waiting for me to talk about bloody sin sod which obviously I didn't. What an idiot I am. Without knowing I'd “UK styled” my conversation with dancing girl i.e. talking openly and she “Thai styled” in response, big error on my part and a breakdown in communication ended up with mum and dad expecting a bloody marriage proposal.

So remember her mum when we left not saying anything? Her mum had said to dancing girl I had no intention of marrying her etc I'd messed up and now dancing girl was told by mum get back to the bar and bring the money back in we had before which she did. Now I could say here its dancing girls fault but it's not she's 21 years old I'm 33 and should have known better then to discuss sin sod and her not to get exited!! So here we are and she is back in the bloody bar… she also does not want my 10,000 baht now as the agreement was I'd pay her this for going home and to find a better job.

I've taken responsibility for this and I've supported dancing girl, she sees the issue and says she should not have said anything to her family but again I handled it wrong. Idiot. So on my last trip I had her working with me, customers love her as she speaks very good English now and actually knows lots about my business as we have known each other a good amount of time now.

We have had time to talk about everything and I've decided she needs to meet my family in the UK, her visa application is happening now and we should hear back in a few days on a tourist visa, I've been lucky with this as I have very good customer who has helped me with the whole thing and I've had to do very little as they have spoken with dancing girl direct, my plan is to get here her to the UK to experience Xmas which is something I’m very excited about.

So this brings me right up to today and I stand by my statement I've always made that I wont buy any woman, by this I mean if I need to pay her to not work in a bar is that wife material? In my opinion not especially if I'm paying her to be faithful which I've seen a lot. I've made a decision to leave her in the bar, so why have I done this? I've gone over this lots I can assure you, sure I can send her 20,000 baht every month for her to go home and she can work with her mum and dad but for now I've left her in the bar, I'm there enough she can come to work with me and she will be with me in December in the UK if the visa works out. I may send her home if it means she's happier but not just yet.

I have noted a change in her over the last 14 weeks which I need to point out and its something we have talked about, now its impossible to generalise my experience of dancing girl to all Thai girls but when a Thai girl gives you 100% of their heart they do it better than I've ever experienced before, I find her life or death loyal, very transparent even if its against Thai culture and they are in it for the long run, I really am impressed with how she shows her heart now and her whole attitude towards our potential life together. Again we are not normal in a sense of other farang/Thai relationships as I can easily allow her to go back to Thailand to keep up appearances with the family simply due to my job. I don’t want to steal her from her family that’s 100% not my intentions at all.

Ok I'll park this here for now, lots to come in the near future and I will update when I can..

nana plaza