More on Internet Dating
I had been browsing Thai Friendly for about 3 month in early 2015. Responses were more numerous than I had anticipated. Most interested parties were ladies in their late 30s, in to their 40s or more. By my own judgement I believe most were quite genuine in their approach. I am myself well into my retirement years but keep fit, not overweight, not a heavy drinker and a lifelong non-smoker. On my own profile the photos were all unsophisticated and recently taken though I admit having shaved off a few years of my actual age. Seems this profile was attractive enough to some ladies.
One of them, a 28-year old nurse speaking fair English and working at a very reputable downtown hospital I met on a trip to Bangkok. I mostly remember her because she told me over lunch and after thoroughly eying me up I had the look of a playboy! Quite an ego trip for a short, old guy with a receding hairline! It’s probably close to half a century since I was told anything similar. The regular hansum man remark apart. But no, I wasn’t fooled. After fried rice and orange juice in the hotel restaurant she looked me straight in the eyes in that intense way girls have when something essential is to follow and said; I want go have shower now! Thais are not known for their subtleness but I found the way she offered herself to me endearing. The sex that followed was pretty ordinary but the encounter still remains memorable.
I met her a few times more when in Bangkok but by then she already had her eyes on other playboys.
A schoolteacher in a nearby village was next on the list. A nice lady, she would have been ideal in many ways for me. 40 years of age, government job with guaranteed payment and retirement benefits. Her own car and a little house. We met a few times for lunch or dinner. Above average language skills for a Thai. Even geography. I sometimes ask Thai girls if they know the countries Thailand is surrounded by. Rarely can they name more than two or three. Not entirely their fault, after all they learn at school that Thailand is the center of the world. Not this lady who could name all the regional countries without hesitation. Next she also gave her reason why I appealed to her. You look more like a Thai man than Farang. Possibly more accurate than the playboy moniker. It turned out that for whatever reason she’s afraid of big Farang men. Should they be smokers or overweight she won’t even meet with them. She liked me a lot and still does as the LINE messages / pictures / cartoons still come every 2 weeks or so. Sadly for me the much needed spark did not skip across.
Some other encounters followed over time but nothing really noteworthy. I found one communality in a number of the ladies that approached me. Even some of the younger ones. Their quest or desire of meeting with an older guy. In some cases it seemed to be paramount but for different reasons. An intriguing fact that remains somewhat mysterious to me.
Then in early April I had a request one day from a pretty looking 21-year old living in the same town in the south. She left her telephone # and suggested to meet at the local Tesco-Lotus. As an old Thailand hand, I had little doubt that this was about a quickie and request for money. We met after I’d waited the mandatory half hour in the food court and I was told she had some shopping to do first. I followed her behind like a well-trained dog and only became noticeable again when at the check-out counter. Later I suggested a drive to the nearby French pastry café for coffee and cake. Agreed and then followed by another drive back to my place to show her the house. Assuming that all or most Thai girls master the basics of massage I explained about my back pains and how beneficiary a good massage would be. So far all went to the script. But that was it. She fingered about my back for a short while but then declared in no uncertain terms it was time to go back to work.
Teasing is an art mastered by the women of the world, Thai girls included, of course, even or perhaps especially at age 21. And that is what it was all about that first day. The hook & bait was launched and it was just a matter of time until the prey would bite. And bite I did. Honestly, there came a time when I couldn’t get enough of her. And believe me that has some meaning at an age when most men in the west have given up on sex, some of them years ago. It became a sort of liaison that suited me, and her obviously too, of course.
I’m a bit of a solitary guy. Not a self-centered or introvert person per se but nevertheless living alone does not bother me. On the contrary, it’s what I want. Ever since my son’s mother left when he was barely a toddler 16 years ago I’ve never felt the need for another permanent or enduring relationship. When he was in Kindergarten and the first few years in school my office staff cared for him during the day. Most of the evenings we spent at home, me watching TV or reading books. Alternatively he was cared for by a nanny but that was mostly just weekends when I took trips to Bangkok or elsewhere. Conversely and later when Alain went to boarding school it was weekends we spent together at home and I had my own fun time during the week.
Pen on the other hand is a single mother and as such no longer eligible on the marriage market for Thai men. For marriage is what she would have wanted of course and she freely admitted as much. So the relationship became what is best described as an arrangement. She had a good job as a personal assistant, chauffeur, and secretary to a business woman in the real estate market. Fair salary though on the low end in my view as she was often working 7 days a week and payment sometimes inconsistent. Thus the extra income for the occasional weekend trip or simply sex in the afternoon was welcome.
Predictably after some time the requests for more came: set me up in business, buy me a house or better a piece of land for the family where I can build a house. My answer usually went along the line of: Not interested, if that’s your aim you better become a mia noi or gik to a rich Thai man! That naturally was much less welcome to her and sometimes ended up in quarrels!
It happens to most of us once the initial conquest phase in the relationship is behind us. Indifference or lassitude describes it best. In my case and additionally the demands for material goods increased. My interest in Pen started to lessen. The heat in the loins decreased. From never enough to not in the mood it took some time but it became evident that the end was coming closer.
Then several weeks ago on his days off Alain spent some time at home with me. Pen did not know he was here. She arrived late one evening, me already retired in my bedroom watching TV. House door and outside gate were locked. Alain saw her but declined to open up. I only heard about it the next day. At 16 my son is no longer a little boy but not quite a man yet. I’m a single dad & Alain never really knew his mother. For his entire life I have been the focal point. He did not want anyone else to intrude in his territory. I sided with him and felt there was no cause to punish or penalize him. Not so, Pen, of course. She did not understand. This plus my unwillingness to sponsor her or family should have been the end or at least the beginning of the end. Or so I figured. It was not.
As so often in Thailand when you think you’ve figured out something, then the opposite happens. Followed 10 days when I did not see her and made no effort to do so. Thus making it clear that the sugar daddy period was over.
Then one morning she returned. It’s been four weeks now. House, land purchase or sponsorship has not been mentioned since. The smiles are back and sincere far as I can tell. Sex is improving. Am I given an extension, some extra-time? Perhaps, but I think not. So what happens next or how did it end and what is my point.
Well, just a piece of advice really to the young or younger generation. Don’t go soft on Thai girls. Stand your man. Do what YOU want as it's (most often) your money at stake and the decision about the way to go ahead and direct your life should be yours. Did you not come to Thailand to escape the feminism that got out of control in the western world? Don’t let it happen here.
And just one more word clearly illustrated by the above. It’s never easy when it comes to ending a relationship with a Thai girl. Especially after a years or more together. Some of you will have been there, done that. So, best of luck!
As for me, will it last? For how long? Time will tell.
I’ll hang in there for the time being.