The Brokenman is Repaired Part 16-1
I disembark Thai Airways flight 917 at Suvarnabhumi Airport with a definite feeling of coming home. It was 4th December and I ask myself had it really been 12 months since my last Siamese sojourn?
During the past year I had questioned if my fascination with Thailand had diminished. Had my passion cooled and my obsession finally ended? I really thought the last visit was my final trip to the kingdom. Notwithstanding a few health issues I doubted I would have the resources to fund another future trip.
I had a quiet start to 2015 but managed to keep my head above water. By September things had improved with four Diploma groups to tutor and the first week of a lucrative private Certificate course in Kent. By the end of November I had a few quid in my ass pocket.
My aged vehicle finally gave up the ghost and failed the MOT test. My pals at the local garage refused to keep it going for just another six months despite my pleading. It had kept running for 16 years, owed me nothing but was a cause of deep sorrow when I finally scrapped it. I still needed a vehicle for my teaching commitments so bought a 3-year old Astra from a Vauxhall main dealer on a 3-year finance deal I felt I could afford. Astras are the cars men in middle-management buy for their wives. Apparently the one I acquired had been previously owned by a little old lady who only used it to drive to church on Sundays.
A windfall gift of a few thousand quid from my aged mother and the promise of a full programme of teaching work in 2016 gave me cause for optimism and suggested it was maybe time for a little prolificacy in my frugal lifestyle.
I had reported in previous submissions (somewhat ad nauseum) that I had given up on British women some time ago and so realised if I also gave up on Thailand I was destined to a life of complete celibacy for the rest of my days.
There was discussion among my Bangkok pals of getting together to pay tribute to our old pal Phil who met an untimely end at the hands of his wife last year. It was suggested we repeat last year's get-together in the Tilac bar and make it an annual event. This was just the excuse I needed so I booked a trip to Thailand in December.
I had reconciled my attitude to the kingdom and had ceased to see it as a panacea for all my problems. I was now realistic about what it had to offer. I had resolved that I would enjoy Thailand for what it is, namely just a pleasant vacation, the opportunity to meet old friends and maybe purchase a little female attention.
Enough with the preamble, I hear you say….get on with the story, you silly old fart!
Upon landing I worked my way through immigration, baggage reclaim and to the queue for a taxi. The traffic was equally as bad as I remembered from previous visits and it took over an hour to arrive at the Mothership (aka the Nana Hotel). Many disparaging comments are made about the Nana Hotel referring to it as the old folks' home or Pfizer Junction. I do appreciate that there are many good quality 4- or 5-star hotels in Bangkok that are now within my budget but despite its aged condition, I have always liked the Nana. It is well located, the staff are helpful and friendly and staying there has always been a fundamental part of my Bangkok experience.
Once in my room I take a quick shave, shower and change in to a suitable drinking shirt. Within 20 minutes I am out in the Suhkumvit sunset. I am inquisitive about the new bar in the plaza named Bangkok Bunnies. It is still early and the inside bar is not yet open so I have a beer and chat to two old birds in the outside bar for half an hour. I take a motorbike taxi to Soi Cowboy and spot my pals Bangkok Barry and Scottish Jim sitting outside the Tilac. We had made no arrangements so it was a pleasant surprise to see them. Jim is a refined and cultured Scottish gentlemen and I have been pals with Barry for years. We caught up with our respective stories until Barry had to depart on one of his missions. Barry is the counterpart of Professor Higgins in Pygmalion and donates his time improving the deportment and prospects of several fallen Thai women. We all need a hobby and it as good as any I know.
I popped my head in the Dollhouse to confirm that the Thai Djihm is indeed the 8th Wonder of the World then made my way back to Nana Plaza. I took pole position in the Bangkok Bunnies bar and settled in for the night. It is a very large go-go bar with two stages and a Jacuzzi. There were almost 80 girls dancing with quite a few real lookers amongst their number. I was joined by one of the dancers but can not recall much about her. I do know that I had spent too much and drank far too much as I staggered back to my bed alone.
I woke early and went down for breakfast. The Nana Hotel now serves breakfast in the old ballroom on the 4th floor since the old downstairs dining area has been taken over by the Hooters bar which was at that point under construction. With the closure of the Golden Bar to facilitate the new Hooters, I needed a new base camp and a source of daytime girls. I also needed to reduce my drinking, so I make my first decision of the holiday that henceforth I would not start drinking alcohol until after 6.00 PM. I took a coffee in Big Dogs to peruse the ladies therein. I repeated the exercise in Stumble Inn with a cup of tea. I would have to similarly explore the Night and Day, Lucky Luke’s and Hillary 4 but it would have to be deferred – there is only so much caffeine a man can consume without sleeping with his eyes wide open.
I received a text from David B, a fellow Stickmanite who I had recently corresponded with. He had been touring Vietnam for a few months and had sent me some fascinating reports, photos and videos. He was now in Bangkok so we arranged to meet midday in Big Dogs. As my regular readers will know one of the wonderful aspects of writing submissions to the Stickman site is the correspondence they prompt with scores of excellent fellows I subsequently communicate with. When travel itineraries permit, arrangements are made to meet up with some of these fellows whilst in the kingdom.
Dave arrives at Big Dogs with Hannah, his delightful Vietnamese girlfriend. Dave is around my age and is an engaging, well-travelled fellow. We chat for a couple of hours on a wide variety of subjects. I can see Hannah is very protective of her man watching how many drinks he has and husbanding his money which is quite endearing. They depart, bound for Ayutthaya and it was entertaining to watch the formidable Hannah organising their travel arrangements like a mother hen. I felt a little jealous of the genuine fondness she clearly felt for her man.
I often wonder what the guys I correspond with are expecting when they do meet me. Although I am sociable, I am essentially a boring old fart but I am happy to report none of the fellows have ceased contact after actually meeting me.
I return to the hotel and take a short power nap before tonight’s get together in remembrance of our late pal, Phil. I arrived at the Tilac to see a full contingent of the usual suspects. Bangkok Barry, Union Hill, Scottish Jim, Alan W and Andrew from the old Boosa Bar. The conversation was lively and included many anecdotes about Phil mainly regarding his legendary frugality. One story involved his complaint that losing the feeling in his fingers meant he couldn’t make out the difference between 1 baht and 2 baht coins. When the party broke up after a couple of hours I went inside the Tilac to peruse the dancers and end up drinking with the old dek serves I know.
One of the things that irritates me about Tilac is the annoying attendant in the toilets. I am now 60 so I don’t need to be shown where to piss and I can recognise a wash basin without having it pointed out by an imbecile who then expects a 20 baht tip for showing me the hand-drier.
I popped my head into Suzy Wong's and Shark and found myself in the Country Road bar. I spy Union Hill in a heated dispute with a pushy girl who coincidently was one of the girls we were with in that bar last year to the day. Seeing Union Hill in high dudgeon is not for the faint of heart so I sneak away to the Nana area.
I depart Bangkok Bunnies at 3.00 having again spent more money than a submariner on annual leave. I reflect Bangkok is becoming like Venice where with only a few years left before the city sinks into the lagoon, the natives are in a panic to extract the maximum amount of money from visitors in the shortest possible time.
In my early visits I would regularly pick up girls from gogo bars, but there was always a compromise between enjoying the entertainment (and invariably getting bladdered) or staying relatively sober in order to do justice to the girl I had procured. In two days I had been in almost every bar in Soi Cowboy and Nana Plaza already and had yet to take a girl back to my room. I needed to moderate my excesses and required a plan B. My solution was to find a day-time girl and indulge my sexual desires during daylight hours when I was sober. Then freed of the need to address the carnal imperative I could enjoy the nightlife and drink at my leisure.
I am sure many Stickmanites of a certain age experience health issues to some degree. This is a natural function of the ageing process and how debilitating it is to an individual can be as much a misfortune of genetics as of lifestyle. However I am sure all will agree that getting old is a high price to pay for experience.
I am not complaining as I consider myself fortunate but I now have so many chronic conditions that should my doctor find another one I will be refused medical travel insurance. Due to circulation problems I do have difficulty walking any distance. After 50 yards I feel severe discomfort and at 100 yards I am in serious pain. This could be restrictive but I compensate by careful planning of any expedition I undertake to ensure this disability does not limit my life unduly.
Another taboo subject is that of “gentlemanly hydraulics”. Whilst I know some fortunate 70 (and 80) year olds who can still bend an iron bar around their dick I am sure most maturing gentlemen mongers experience some diminishment in their vitality as they get older. In my early visits to the kingdom the lead in my pencil was an impressive 4H whilst it is now a less impressive but still functional HB. When on a Siamese sojourn I delay the inevitable by reducing my alcohol intake, occasional use of Cialis in moderation and on occasion the judicious use of the technique of “thumbing it in” when necessary. I am sure you understand and empathise.
The next morning after breakfast I continued my perusal of the local hostelries taking a cup of tea in Night and Day, then a coffee in Lucky Luke’s. Seeing nothing that took my immediate fancy I end up in Hilary 4 and risk another cup of tea. As I lean over the rail I reflect I am in an exact mirror position from the spot in the Golden Bar where I used to while away my days for some 13 years. The view was now dominated by the hoardings heralding the impending Hooters bar. My initial thoughts were I was unsure if such an unambiguously American concept would work in the Nana area. I believe their recruitment process is very selective and imagined the discomfort some of these refined ladies would feel navigating the ladyboys, freelancers and general riff-raff on their way to work.
I am woken from my reverie by a lady who takes the seat next to me asking me why I am drinking tea instead of beer. As I explain I am resolved not to drink any alcohol until the sun is over the yardarm after 6.00 PM she smiles and declares it was refreshing to hear. I observe my new companion and see she is actually a vision of loveliness, exactly to my daytime specification. I take a moment to examine her further, particularly her long shapely legs and slender body encased in a tight short black dress that accentuated her typically Thai charms. I study her face which although more striking than pretty was interesting and unquestionably pleasing to the eye. The subtle nose job and a wonderful smile completed a most agreeable picture.
She introduced herself as Gin and I put her in her mid thirties which she confirmed that she was 37. I will tolerate Thai women in to their late 40s as a daytime girl so she was a little younger than my expectations and therefore was immediately in the pound seats. I bought her a drink and let her talk about herself and her history. She was from Korat and possessed that delicate, mocha-coloured Isaan skin that I find so exquisite. When I enquired about her excellent English she told me about her years with an English boyfriend from Manchester who had only recently let her down. I am not looking for a wife, I am looking for a pleasant companion for a few days and she passed my audition with flying colours. So after buying her another drink and establishing she liked me a little I offered to pay her barfine with somewhat indecent haste.
Stripped off back in my hotel room Gin revealed a faultless body untarnished by tramp stamps or any disfigurement whatsoever. Her breasts were small and shapely, her belly unblemished and capable of rivalling any girl in the Baccara line up. I could not believe my luck. Her long exquisite legs led to an aesthetically perfect Djihm that was good enough to eat…. so I did.
Once my tongue was on her dithery bit her orgasm was quick, loud and unexpected. My subsequent insertion in to an aperture like a mouse’s ear quickly precipitated an ejaculation like a flock of sparrows evacuating my blowhole. In the post coital languor she asked if she could later return to her bar for a couple of hours to get her drinks target for the day. I appreciate she had not yet engaged with me as some of my previous daytime girls had but realised it was early days and was confident that from prior experience within a day or so she would become comfortable with me and I would be enjoying the Thai girlfriend experience with this girl. With the proverbial hump on my back removed my fears of a global environmental disaster my swollen gonads represented had been averted.
With Gin’s departure I had a good sleep. I woke about 6.30 and made my way to Heidelberg for an excellent filet steak to fuel me for the evening. I stayed in the Nana area visiting Lucky Luke’s, Mandarin Table Dance and then up to Jailbirdz which is like Alcatraz in Pattaya. I visit Billboard which apart from the sudsy area has little to endorse it. Went down to Angelwitch but was disappointed. The rock music was ok and the rock chicks acceptable. The girl with inverted nipples was a surprise as was the tom boy with no tits and a Mohican hairstyle. In fairness she was the best dancer on stage. The cabaret shows were passable but nothing like as good as in the past.
I was inquisitive about the Nana Disco now called Embracing Sexuality or something similar. I am met at the entrance by two ladyboys; one who declared herself post op, the other that they were working as PR for the club. There were 6 girls dancing on the stage; I was told they were actual girls although I remained unconvinced. There were no other customers in the place so I could hardly escape their attentions and bought them a couple of drinks. They explained the bar’s concept was a place where gays, ladyboys and straights could mix in harmony, which is of course errant nonsense. The idea may work in the shirt-lifter districts of New York or London but not in Suhkumvit. I am afraid it is not a place I would patronise.
Next morning after breakfast I spent a frustrating hour battling with the computers in the Nana Hotel lobby just trying to access one of my email accounts. I made my way to Hilary 4 bar and receive a welcome from the delightful Gin. After buying her a couple of drinks I pay her barfine and rustle her off to my hotel room for a leisurely afternoon session. In the post coital lethargy I tell her I was meeting a fellow that evening I had corresponded with and who wanted to meet me. She was inquisitive why someone wanted to meet me. I explained about writing submissions for the Stickman site. Gin seemed genuinely interested and remarked that she knew a famous English writer named Stephen through her aunty who lived in London. She described him as a handsome English man who was a best seller in England but also wrote books about Thailand. On a hunch I Googled Stephen Leather and showed her his photo. “Yes that is him” she exclaimed. She clearly knew of him describing some details of his domestic arrangements in England and Bangkok. Her aunty was a friend of his family and had stated he was a wonderful caring father and an extremely generous man. I declared that he was my favourite author and was amazed at what a small place the world was becoming.
Later that evening I meet up with Peter H, another fellow Stickmanite. We meet in the Hilary 4 bar. I had told Gin the little I had learnt about Peter from our correspondence and being inquisitive she asked if she could come with me. Peter is a larger than life character, born in England but lived in the US for 30 years. He is the guy responsible for the debate we had on the site earlier in the year. Although it was Steve Rosse who related the story of the guy who took two Nana scrubbers for breakfast at the genteel Oriental hotel, it was Peter who actually did the deed that caused the controversy.
Peter is a fascinating fellow with a font of amusing tales and a lifetime of misadventures. As we spoke he had two ladies waiting for him in the Landmark hotel. They were two cousins he had met on a previous trip who had been sucking his knob since they became his travelling companions. We had a most enjoyable and amusing chat for a few hours until he felt an irresistible impulse. As he departed in search of a third member for his entourage I remarked he was a brave man.
I had earlier received a text from another pal, Nathan, recommending a tea room in Soi 10 I should explore one afternoon and suggesting I look up a particular lady in Bar 4 he knew. I made the few yards to Bar 4 to be told the lady in question was not in that night. I later took a look in Lollipop but found my bowels in turmoil so returned to the hotel for a dose of Imodium. Tomorrow I was checking out and making my way to Pattaya for a few days to relax in a quaint and quiet seaside resort.
To be continued…