Life After Thailand
I’ve stopped counting the parallels I find after the years of reading your columns.
This morning I had a pickup in Whistler (arguably #1 ski resort in the world) at 4:30 AM. It was for a very rare type of passenger, a single Thai male. Rare because there is only about 1,500 Thais in the whole province and few Thais seem to be interested in skiing.
I could go into a lot of detail about the residence, but suffice to say, it was impressive, even by Whistler standards of wealth. The huge wooden and metal gate wedged between 5-metre high rock was what I first noticed. I can only imagine what it cost to blast through the granite, let alone the building and property. It overlooked the village and both the ski mountains. My passenger said he could look at the view all day and night and never get bored. Agreed, I thought.
It was about 2 minutes before he told me he was Thai and heading to New York and then back to Bangkok after visiting one of his best friends. Since it is a two-hour drive, I thought this might be one of those fun rides. From his English accent I guessed he went to school in the UK, and told him as much. When he realized I knew a thing or two about Thailand it wasn't long before he tested my Thai language skill and I had to admit I didn't know much more than restaurant/taxi/home Thai but it wouldn't matter because his English was almost as good as mine. In Canada, it's almost as likely to run into someone that speaks Latin or Zulu as it is Thai. And I don't know why.
A few minutes later we were swearing and talking about Thai pussy like close friends. Turns out he is near finalizing his divorce and wasn't shy about details. I thought he was one of the most open and frank Thai men I'd ever spoken with. We discussed MGTOW and The Manipulated Man, divorce laws, the US economy, the beauty of Canada and Thailand.
When I asked him if he ever cheated on his wife he said, Of course! He told me he had a small wife since the time she was 19 – 31 and paid for her apartment and gave her 150,000 baht a month as a stipend. Wow, that must be some golden pussy I said. He agreed. I asked if his wife ever found out and he said, "No secrets in Bangkok!" and that basically Thai wives know the drill. She comes from a wealthy family and after they have a couple of children, they pretty much accept the fact that hubby will start roaming for tighter flawless skin.
He mentioned that another close friend of his was recently divorced and had already moved in a new girlfriend that he barely met and we both agreed that wasn't thought through. He said there is an old Thai saying, that "A man with a hard cock has a soft heart and a soft cock equals a cold heart".
How true, I said, also telling him I'd never heard it quite in those words before.
When I asked him what business he was in he told me banking. After googling his name, it turns out he is very high ranking in banking. For discretion purposes I'll leave it at that.
We also talked about my experience in LOS and what I do while I'm there (as if he doesn't know) and he sized me up as a monger right away. I told him about my last ever Thai girlfriend, but didn't get into all the details of the countless other girls, but also mentioned meeting her on ThaiLoveLinks, and talked about the good ole days of that website. He seemed quite interested in TLL and I sensed he made a note of the info, but wouldn't need or use it.
I told him that usually this time of the year I'm just getting back from 3-6 months in Bangkok but this year was the first time I hadn't gone in 10 years. He asked me why and then I gave him the standard PC excuses that are a must when speaking to a Thai national, nudge nudge wink wink.
Similar to my ex, he couldn't understand why I'm not going to Thailand anymore. I couldn't tell him it's because I'm muzzled about certain subjects and that problem doesn't exist in Canada except with the subject of feminism.
I'll say it to you though. Thailand is overrated. I don't feel comfortable walking the streets without worrying about a shakedown, carrying my documents, or offending some immature maniac with an innocent remark. There is a tension in Bangkok that I can't quite place, but my guts tell me it's just not worth the trouble. Sure, the people are generally friendly enough, but so is a dog until you stop feeding it.
In Canada we have a new shiny pony as Prime Minister (the most gyno-centric PM in world history) with 50% of the rainbow cabinet being women. That's the trade-off.
Divorce in Thailand is a much better deal for a man and the children actually do belong to the man instead of just renting them in the first world.
Prostitution and Medical Marijuana is almost legal now, so if I want sex it's almost as easy to find as in Bangkok. There are literally more pot shops than Starbucks in Vancouver. And the joke used to be there is a Starbucks on every corner. If I want to eat space cake, I don't have to worry about some draconian law that strives to place me in a cage.
Things make sense, I can cruise on autopilot dealing with government officials, instead of sweating it out at Thai immigration / airports or at the Cambodian border like I'm waiting for the results of an HIV test.
Craigslist is packed full of beautiful Asian girls with real full body naked photos and I wouldn't have to walk more than 15 minutes to find a massage parlor/brothel or an independent operator’s luxury apartment. I can even call them up and negotiate an appointment and not have to listen to some excuse about bad traffic or crazy driver. They will be there waiting for me, as promised.
In the first world I pay the same price for things as everyone else, and my DNA doesn't dictate the respect I'm granted.
Taxi drivers don't terrify me and likely won't produce a machete if I don't submit to their interrogation or have a contrary opinion.
In Thailand I feel I'm on my own and a minute away from a wrongful conviction or a hospital stay. Like in the movie Avatar, everything on planet Bangkok seems to want to kill me, or has that potential. Life is cheap. Sane and reasonable strangers with a different world view…not so much. I feel like there is a target on my face and I'm constantly patting my pockets for my wallet.
I can't even remember the last time a cop asked me to produce ID in Canada. In fact, I was involved in a car accident last year and hit a lady who ran the red light and the cop witnessed the whole thing. The lady didn't have her driver’s license on her, but neither did I. The cop took my word that I was who I claimed to be and that I left my wallet in another jacket! The truth.
Sure, the beaches in Thailand are lovely and I can usually go 20 or 30 minutes before someone hassles me to buy a bug on a stick. When I'm at the beach in Canada, I've never been approached except for maybe someone bumming a cigarette. Now I'm off tobacco and on an e-cig, which are still illegal in Thailand. It makes no sense.
I once claimed that there was basically nothing to do in Bangkok and it was boring besides the cheap sex and booze / food and you said (I'm paraphrasing) that is the stupidest thing you ever heard.
I thought that comment was a little harsh but then you said essentially the same thing in this week’s column and I have to agree with you.
For a first time traveler, two-week millionaires / sex tourist to Bangkok, the place is amazing and novel. Every other minute you can gaze upon the funniest stupidity imaginable, but after months / years of the same nonsense it just grows old. It becomes wife sex. Viagra needed for her self-esteem.
A couple of friends in Bangkok and Chang Mai are considering coming back to Canada for an extended visit. They are not admitting to being disillusioned with life in Thailand but their actions would imply that much. They both have more than a decade invested in Thailand are married and they are Thai apologists and would never admit to trouble in paradise.
I'd like to think that maybe you and I have something to do with it.
They see some of the other lobsters escaping the bucket and the eventual cooking pot and they are planning their exit strategy before the big event. They are getting older and being sick in Thailand without a legitimate job or medical insurance is a hell realm, not Nirvana.
About 10 minutes before dropping off the banker at the airport he started telling me that I need to go back to Thailand. He seemed concerned that I didn't think Thailand was the bees knees anymore. That somehow it wasn't amazing and something was wrong because I am not addicted to cheap pussy, noodles and no longer walk around in an agitated sweaty cunt hunt.
I wanted to tell him that riding elephants was fun for about 5 minutes. Temples are okay for a little longer but once you see that the gold paint is coming off and they patch it with spit, bits of mirrors and Playdough it loses its appeal. Every other year having a riot, flood, bombing, martial law or some other ludicrous event is just not worth it anymore. Sure you have a nice position at a bank and you can hide in the back of your limo while being transported back to your protected compound but it is kinda like being the warden of the Big Tiger, you still have to live next to that madness and filth.
Out of the red lights of a gogo, the girls all start to look the same in the doggy position. Besides using each other for our own different agendas, we have almost nothing in common. I like stand-up comedians and I'm rarely offended by anything they say. The girls lose face because there are no Thai stand up comedians they know. We just don't get it. The only connection is at the hips and lips.
At first I thought you would be longing for Thailand and dragging your tail back from New Zealand between your legs admitting you can't live without authentic Pad Thai served next to a sewer and mangy soi dogs, but now after a year away, I realize that there is life after Thailand. Thailand taught me so much. It's wonderful to appreciate my country and privilege in the first world again.
You get it, you really do. It’s so nice to read the thoughts of someone who really gets it.