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The Lisbon Alternative…

  • Written by Sixion
  • November 25th, 2015
  • 13 min read


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There isn't that much recent stuff on the net about the Lisbon street scene, which I took as a good sign. Plenty of escorts on Backpage and Adultwork, the forums highlighted the fact that the girls only got half the fee (100-150 euro for an hour), the rest going to the agency/pimps. It does not take a mathematical genius to work out that if the high end model-types ain't getting much more than 50 euro for an hour of three-hole fun then the street girls are going to be priced somewhere close to Thai or Filipina levels.

There isn't much on the net about the street scene because there isn't much of an obvious street scene in Lisbon. The city is built on a series of hills cut by wide boulevards that are a bit boring to wander along. But get away from these main arteries, you end up in quaint narrow alleys that weave around the hills and occasionally cut upwards in wild vertical ascents, sometimes aided along by trams (despite being in my sixth decade I walked everywhere). The often 17/18th century architecture would have Stick going manic on his DSLR. The downside being that you often had no idea where you were in relation to the rest of the city, the narrow alleyways and towering three to six storey buildings closing the world out.

A couple of times I got completely lost and ended up on a hour long trek to get back to where I wanted to be… it was the kind of walk that would have my ex Thai girlfriend fuming (being free of shopping alternatives) at the loss of face and idiotic foreigner who reckoned walking ten miles a day was good for his heart and body. The city is criss-crossed by a cheap Metro system that even runs from the airport (a laughably cheap 1.4 euro) and I always knew I would hit upon one of the stations eventually. They always have a useful map on the entrance though I often found Portuguese signage either completely wrong or vague (including those at the international airport) – whilst driving standards were fine and they didn't use crossings as a target for whacking foreigners, not sure if it was a city I would care to navigate by car.

It is a great city for walking, though, as long as your lungs are up to near vertical ascents and you don't mind a quite clammy humidity (it was 22 degrees in early November, which was hot enough for me after the UK). Plenty of cops standing around doing nothing (playing with their phones for the most part), many armed. They don't seem to hassle anyone unless they step out of line. Personal use of drugs is legal and even small time dealers are allowed, and there are plenty in the tourist areas who will mildly hassle tourists. Note, if anyone other than a hooker asks if you speak English do not speak to them as they are going to try to hustle you. A lot of the narrow alleyways, with dubious looking guys hanging out, appear dangerous but it seems that cops come down hard on any violence so it is safe to go almost anywhere (at least in the day and early evening).

As with most capital cities, a huge variety in the eye candy. Just wandering around, not looking for hookers, I noted that an awful lot of the younger girls had perfect bodies and faces except for a too wide backside, as if all the junk food in the city had settled there. Portuguese bread is very heavy stuff that needs good teeth to chew and settles in the stomach for a rather long time, quite likely to leave you bunged up. Typical local girl has quite strong facial features, almost masculine, but flashing dark eyes… they seemed friendly enough in my general interactions with them (shopping, looking at property, etc) but walking the streets given half a chance they would try to knock you off the pavement if you got in their way. One girl regretted it when her toe was immolated on my steep capped, heavy-duty boot, but I didn't stay around to argue the toss. Usually, in the UK if I smile at a young lady who is serving me food or in the supermarket I get a nasty scowl for my friendliness but almost always got a nice grin back from the Portuguese girls. Makes the day so much more pleasant.

If you want to find street hookers, the idea (I may be entirely wrong, this being my first visit of only a few days) is to hit the main tourists areas and then work (walk around aimlessly) the minor alleyways and streets surrounding them. The problem is that a street with a few girls on it may not have any girls on it the next time you visit (I worked this strategy from early afternoon through to mid evening, later things may be wilder or not), and alleys that you previously dismissed may or may not be packed out with girls the moment you turned the corner. So both persistence and some luck are needed to snag interesting companions of the night.

Between the main tourist area and the sea front, minor street with tenement type buildings, an African girl was leaning against a lamppost wearing jeans and a jumper. She was about twenty and on the small size (about five foot) and had what appears to be a tight little body. She saw me coming and I crossed the road to where she was lounging, she made the first move, asking if she could speak to me. There was a Portuguese hooker next to her, 35-ish wearing a short skirt who scowled when I ignored her and promptly walked across the street in disgust. The girl was from Ghana and wanted forty euro for forty minutes. She reckoned she would do anything I wanted. I said I only had thirty euro and wanted an hour. I tried to feign indifference but was a bit let down by getting a hard-on just from looking at her (bear in mind my age, I ain't a teenager)… I started to walk away and she called me back, agreed on the price. She wanted to go to one of the tenement buildings but I wrong-footed her by insisting on the apartment I was renting for a few days (no receptionist, witnesses). No way I was going to risk life and limb in a dubious looking six storey dive that was probably full of lots of African men.

I am always dubious about African women because their bodies tend to fall apart when they undress but this one had a marvellous pair of breasts that thrust outwards and upwards, plus a flat stomach and firm ass. She did indeed do anything I wanted and was very nice to me, absolutely similar to the GFE you would get out of a Thai or Filipina girl back in the day. She reckoned she had been hooking for only a couple of days and given her general niceness I would tend to believe her. Had me checking flight prices to Ghana, anyway. There was dubious dive called Brit Bar on the very edge of this drag, so start from there.

Right in the tourist centre, a stunning black girl, tight shirt and black leather trousers sprayed on. She was slouched close to the Metro entrance and I played the lost tourist not entirely sure if she was a hooker (sprayed on leather trousers seems to be a clue for African girls, seen a few around)… she wanted a 100 euro, no time limit but reckoned she would finish me off pronto. Her face was all taut cheekbones, could literally have been a model. I offered my usual 30 euro for an hour and got a laugh for my troubles. Tried her on the second day and she came down to 50 euro, tempted but her eyes were pretty hardened up and I'd noted the same African guy lurking nearby, pimp/boyfriend. For gay readers, I've seen a few African men mincing around with elderly locals so there is some potential in the scene, no idea where it is centred but loads of black guys lounging around the city. Just ask, I guess.

I'd read that a lot of the street hookers were trannies. Only saw one obvious one who attained the rare feat of achieving the body of a middle-aged Portuguese women – short, portly and sagging face. Wore short skirt and white shirt, tried to fall into me. Said twenty euro for a f..k, told him I would want a whole lot more dosh than that and was halfway down the street when its brain worked out the insult and started cursing. That was on the right-hand side of Martin Moniz Square (you can get there directly on the Metro) if you are walking away from sea. Used to be infamous for the hookers but has been cleaned up – to an extent. Still plenty of girls around, especially on the weekend. Couple of hardcore Indian girls slouched down on the pavement, at the top of the square in one of the alleyways, a couple of Indonesian girls holding up a doorway.

They were 30-ish, hardened eyes and one was a touch on the heavy side but they could have still got jobs in Soi Cowboy. Reckoned they only came as a pair at 20 euro each for 20 minutes, use the free room upstairs. I asked the heavy one if she had a vibrating strap-on and we'd sandwich the fitter one, didn't blink an eye (done it all before) but they wanted double the money. I said no, forty euro for the two and as much time as it took me to finish… the heavy one laughed contemptuously and reckoned two minutes. Forty minutes later I'd done a minor Eden Club gig on them and left them scowling at the loss of face at not getting me off pronto (I was taking a quarter tab of Viagra a day which seems to stay in my system long enough to work its magic). Fantastic sensation with the vibrator thrumming through her body…

Back on the street there wasn't a hooker in sight. There are a couple of bars/restaurants in the centre of the square and I guess if you sit drinking beer there you will either be approached or spot some girl lurking around the square. It is still a bit of a rough area so I would not do it late at night if solo. I don't drink during the day. Some really hot Indonesian girls in the supermarket on the left side of the square, always bought a bottle of water there just to ogle them (probably students working part time) and had me checking the flight times to Jakarta. A lot of the foreign girls working low end jobs, always had a smile and could speak some English so long term potential for expats.

Bario Alto is lots of narrow alleyways cut into a hill, to the left of the main tourist zone walking away from the sea. Like the tourist area, mostly places for friends and family to eat/drink and not a lot of places for the solo drinker. The real entertainment gets going after eleven in the night but I am in bed by then (having walked anywhere from ten to twenty miles, up and down some bloody steep hills, in the day) but I didn't get a great vibe from the place. Further back from the sea I found Rue Algeria (I think, close to that, it was dark and my eyesight is f..ked), you have to get back on the main boulevard and then head back into the alleyways on the left once you have passed Starbucks (great place to sit outside and watch the girls striding by).

Series of small bars/clubs here and one Portuguese girl in an open doorway. My grin gave the game away, I guess. Dark skinned, wiry body and a ten in Bangkok! She would not shift on fifty euro for an hour but still had some soul in her eyes and looked about eighteen. Another girl who if she had some more intelligence could have been a model. She had the small body but lean muscle of a Thai rice farmer, hot to the touch… I managed to get ninety minutes out of her, she didn't fully seem to know what she was doing half the time but let me do anything I wanted. In a moment of madness, I finished off by changing position and ripping the condom off (it was dirty if you get my meaning) and pumping hard and naked into her tight pussy for the last thirty seconds – kinda woman I'd like to get pregnant! As good as any sex you'd get in Bangkok or Manila, I reckon. I rushed for the washbasin to clean up whilst the girl squirmed on the bed, muttering in Portuguese, probably more concerned about her next fix than anything else. She didn't even object when I urinated in the washbasin. I always have Cipro on me, so took one of those straight off with a glass of water. Tap water is safe in Lisbon, BTW.

That was about the limit of my sexual adventures. Not bad after the UK and cheaper than Asia if you take into account flight costs (I reckon three weeks to even things out). Hard work to find interesting women on the street but if you like the hunt then it is all good fun, reckon about one in twenty of the hookers would be worth the hustle. General costs are cheaper than the UK but probably only because I have a Euro bank account and changed the money at 1.41 euro for a quid. Low end hotels in low end areas are less than twenty Euro a night and the equivalent to a Travelodge upgraded room is about forty euro (quoted as three or four star hotels but more like two and a half star) and a hundred euro a night will get you into the luxurious end of the market (all winter rates). You could just use the escort agencies and do the top end of the market without leaving the comfort of your hotel room but my mind is still on Thai rates from five years ago!

You can also buy a one bed apartment in an “upcoming area” for around the 100,000 euro mark which is still walking distance to the interesting parts of the city. But the city is infested with dispossessed Portuguese beggars who tend to sleep wherever they like, vandalize buildings and take over empty properties so not really the kind of city to have sometimes vacant property, IMO. One of the funny things I encountered, some elderly, portly beggar pointing at his stomach with a beseeching look on his face (the kind of visage you might see on a skinny five year old Filipina street kid), pointing at his bloated stomach and demanding euro so he could buy a meal. Fat bugger looked like he had enough bulk to last a good couple of months.

Another time a youth asked me if I spoke English. I foolishly assumed that he was a lost foreigner who had mistaken me for a local. For some reason the Portuguese had got it into their heads that the English are rich and stupid – the youth was Portuguese who with his sexy girlfriend reckoned they had come to Lisbon seeking work and now run out of money, and I had somehow assumed responsibility for sorting the mess out. I said the girl was welcome to sleep over at my apartment but he would have to sort himself out (this got a grin out of the babe!), result was him hurrying off and spitting a long rant of Portuguese at his girlfriend, giving me a death stare when he was a safe distance away. So I will put Lisbon down as an interesting city with a lot of potential, worthy of further exploration.