My Chiang Mai Girlfriend
I have been reading several of your articles and I am impressed with what I am reading. You seem to have a great understanding of the Thai culture. Can I ask you for some advice on what to do with a Thai girl I have been dating? I am familiar with the different types of girls you have been warning people about and all of the scams out there. I consider myself an intelligent individual with good emotional control and awareness (meditation for 4 years will do that), so I'm not too concerned about getting hurt, but some clarity about my relationship would be beneficial.
I have spent one and a half months in Chiang Mai now on a small mini-retirement before I return to my engineering job in the USA on November 11. I have spent most of my time learning about Thai culture, working on personal development and meditation, and seeing Thai girls (not prostitutes). I'm 25 years old, white, and handsome. This has made things pretty easy and I consider myself incredibly blessed and lucky to be in this position.
Now, the girl…after all I have read about the different types of Thai girls, I don't know how to categorize her. How I met her is the red flag, but everything else has been smooth sailing. I'll give you the rundown…
I don't go out to parties very often, but a few weeks ago decided I wanted to let loose a bit and go out to Zoe in Yellow. Had a good time, a couple drinks, never got drunk. Then I headed over to the notorious club Spicy, just to see what it was like. The club was mostly filled with drunken foreigners and bar girls, as I had figured. I just started dancing around having fun, getting my groove going. I wasn't really focused on anyone in particular, just having a good time.
I saw a cute little Thai girl there dancing with what appeared to be her friends. She was pretty scantily clad, but didn't have the bargirl look. We danced face to face for a while and then ended up making out in front of her friends. They didn't seem to care, which surprised me. She introduced me to them and they seemed to be pretty normal Thai university students. So then we went back to my place and had sex. I got no resistance. All of this seems like a huge red flag, but from the next morning on, I have found absolutely nothing wrong with this girl…and I'm looking very discretely, but very hard to find any more red flags.
The next day, I find out her friends expected her to come back with them and waited until 4 AM for her. I confirmed this, because she showed me her phone and I met her friend, who seems like a nice guy. They both added me to Facebook and everything with them looks fine. Of course I did some screening on there. Facebook lines up with everything she has told me in person. She studies English at the CMRU (explains decent English skills), hangs out with the same friends pretty much all the time, and is originally from Bangkok. Everything is pretty genuine from what I can tell. Yeah, she's only 19 and likes to party a bit. She obviously likes farangs, and while she isn't from Isaan, her skin is not white like the "attractive" Thais. She dated a farang for a bit back in July which she told me about, and Facebook confirms again. She told me they broke up because he went to his home country, another event I can confirm. She gets additional money to pay for things from her dad, all of which seems normal. I need to ask her what he does, because she does not seem to come from a family with much money.
I hung out with her and her friends the next two nights, no sex because of friends. I was cool with this. It was an opportunity to interact with Thai people. All was smooth again.
She then went to visit her grandparents…all checked out on Facebook again. She was obviously out in the country with her grandparents (she posts on there a lot).
Then I began seeing her alone more often. We would eat dinner and have sex, go see movies, have more sex. She seems to really just enjoy sex, but isn't comfortable with some positions, and doesn't like oral sex, which might be worth mentioning to you.
We then did a trip to Pai together, which went very well again. No problems whatsoever. Had lots of fun and totally enjoyed ourselves.
Ok, so I'll give you a quick rundown of positives and negatives. Nothing seems to be out of the ordinary.
– Helps pay for things: I don't want to give her a free ride for anything. I pay for most things, but sometimes I'll just say "you pay for this one?" and she does. No complaining. Money has yet to be an issue with us at all.
– She has asked for nothing: She doesn't expect anything from me. I bought her a $10 dress in Pai, because I wanted to, and that is it. She doesn't seem to care about getting extravagant things or status all that much, which I find incredibly appealing.
– Lots of sex and she likes it (doesn't just do it to make me happy): Speaks for itself
– Treats others with respect: Very kind to other people. Shows good character.
– Teaches me Thai language without hesitation: In that long post about the 5 reasons that guy wouldn't marry a Thai woman he mentions that the women wouldn't teach him the language, so he couldn't understand her conversations with Thais. This girl teaches me Thai.
– Respectful to me: This one is big for me. I'm sick of the way American women treat men…it's part of the reason I'm in Thailand. This Thai girl has never put me down, lets me lead, and is helpful. I screwed up several times on the trip to Pai with logistics, and we both calmly figured out what to do each time. No arguing. We have yet to have any kind of argument. She is not aggressive, and treats me very well. My own calm demeanor helps a lot too, as I'm really good at keeping my cool all the time. Works really well with Thai girls I'm noticing, not as much with Americans.
– Honesty: She has yet to lie so far, from what I have seen. Seems odd almost. We had a very open conversation the other day about relationships and that sort of stuff. She just told me what she thought, no defensiveness. She told me she doesn't like drama. Her actions are in line with this.
– Partying: I partied a lot in college, I get it and have nothing against it, but the fact that I met this girl in Spicy just irks me. That place is trash, seriously. I feel like I ran into the only decent girl in the entire club, like some kind of fluke. Also, I don't drink that much and it makes compatibility a bit of an issue. She went to Spicy again with her friends on a Monday, like why the hell is she there on a Monday? She makes it obvious on Facebook, doesn't conceal much.
– Sex: It was too easy. I had only a short conversation with her before we got under the sheets. No resistance. Who's to say she doesn't do it again with some new foreigner? Obviously she is very attracted to me physically, and I think my personality, which is very Thai friendly is keeping her. Losing your sexual inhibitions so easily though is a warning sign, especially when I read good Thai girls are quite conservative. I tried to probe out of her why she like foreigners, and she couldn't really explain it. Then again, it's hard for me to explain why I find Thai girls attractive. I just do.
– Lazy: She is a bum without strong motivation. I know most Thais are this way. Not a huge issue with me as long as she isn't asking for money and continues to be polite, respectful, and helpful.
Overall, I really like this girl, and I'm prepared for whatever happens. I will shamelessly brag that I do have a strong ability to detach from my emotions and will not get caught up in any drama. I could drop her today and would be fine moving forward. I would drop her if she asked for money, which she has yet to do. I'm considering introducing the concept of an open relationship when I return home. I think it makes the most sense. If she's open to it, I think it actually would add more trust to the relationship in the long run. I don't know when I'll be back, and she doesn't want to go to the USA from our conversations. I can't expect myself or her to hold out like that. So this could be a good way to keep our options open. She has been very mature and cooperative thus far, so I think I can sway it.
So, that is the story. If you made it this far, I truly commend you. I know you don't have to answer this and you are probably very busy, but it would help so much to have your opinion of this girl from my description. I cannot place her. Party girls in my experience are easily recognizable the moment I begin interacting with them. With this one, I would never guess it. Please let me know what you think. Thank you so much!
It sounds like you have met a nice lady and you're enjoying fun times. I don't really see any worrying red flags here at all. Once upon a time I would have said that it is not “normal” for a Thai lady to sleep with a guy the first night unless she was money-hungry but Thailand has changed. You're both young, there's an attraction and it's the natural thing to do!
Be a little careful that you don't overthink what's happening between the two of you. From your description you're both enjoying what can be the best time in any relationship – so enjoy it!
As far as the future goes, there are a couple of concerns. Nothing serious and nothing insurmountable but do consider that this lady is just 19, in other words she is very young. She's much too young to be thinking about a serious relationship and with you to return to Farangland soon, my advice would be to just enjoy it for what it probably is, a holiday romance between two young people. Also, you mention that she is lazy and that she might be a bit of a party girl. The laziness would a concern as far as relationships go, but the party girl bit I wouldn't worry about as she is just 19 and has every right to go out and enjoy herself. But like I say, you're going back to the States soon and she is young so it's probably a bit optimistic to be looking long-term. Enjoy it for what it is.