Online Dating – Can It ‘Work’…? – Part 16
Part-1 outlined my basic reasons for investigating ThaiLoveLinks.
Part-2 detailed my first two meetings with tender Thai damsels.
Part-3 covers two further meetings with less tender lasses.
Part-4, in which I investigate a ‘company girl’, and take a break.
Part-5, where the ‘company girl’ gets another break.
Part-6, and I meet with two bored, and boring, ladies.
Part-7 wherein we limber up to meet three ladies in two days.
Part-8 where I fail to meet two out of three ladies, and check The Plaza.
Part-9 and I fail to meet the third lady.
Part-10 continues the search, closer to home.
Part-11 and the first actual audition in the home.
Part-12, and the local talent comes home to roost.
Part-13, and another multiple trip to Bangkok.
Part-14 My lost life to the end of 2013.
Part-15 A little success ends in tragedy.
Whilst recuperating from my enforced visit to the hospital to have my big toe sewn back on, and grateful it was nothing more valuable… I come across ‘Nan’ (not her real name), who claims to be 22, and desperate to take care of me… There’s no reason why a sensible 22-year-old can’t make an admirable housekeeper but… we all know what my middle-class Thai neighbours will think…
I’m unable to determine where she works but she seems to average only three days a week. She’s not very communicative and after a couple of questions from me she replies with an OK, and her phone-number… I give her a call. She sounds nice, but more like 32… and works Monday-Wednesday. Maybe a ‘Pretty’… I invite her for the weekend… I’ve reached the point where perhaps I need to be masterful, and stop playing around.
Meanwhile another lady agrees to visit and asks me to pay for her taxi… I jokingly tell her I’ll meet her at the bus station… but she snaps back that she expects me to pay for her to visit…! So do I… but her manner leaves a lot to be desired.
Nan phones to say she will come tomorrow, for 5 – 6 days, and stresses she is neither frightened nor shy… Who asked…?
I tell her to phone when she reaches Cha Am… so that I can reach the bus station before her. I will also watch to see if anybody else gets off the bus with her. Even if we’re not followed I can double back a bit to confuse Nan, in case she is intending to give an address on the phone. Forewarned is definitely forearmed in Thailand.
At one-thirty she phones, from Cha Am… I drive to the bus terminus and wait… It should take about half an hour from Cha Am… At two-thirty I call and she mutters something about being here soon… but it’s three o’clock when she phones to say she’s here, but I’m unable to determine where, exactly, ‘here’ is, and we spend ages just walking up and down, while she calls me to see where I am… and I tell her… and she doesn’t seem to understand, nor know where she is… and even, at one point, mutters something about going back to Bangkok if this carries on…! which almost has me reading my acceptance speech…!
I even pass my phone to two taxistas, to speak to her, and they can’t understand her either…!! It’s always reassuring when this happens because, sometimes we are not the only ones at fault… Eventually we sort of just seem to bump into each other… I am waiting at the bus-stop, she is waiting about 200 metres away…
She’s not a happy bunny, self-centred, and no sympathy towards me, thus blotting her copybook immediately… but says she got off the bus in Cha Am… because I told her to call me when she reached Cha Am… I give up…!
I offer to buy her some stuff to eat… and all she wants is UHT milk…
She makes herself at home, asks where the air-con is, and turns the fan off my desk and onto the sofa where she plonks herself… while I sit in an armchair… and almost pass out with exhaustion…! After staring at the front door, and the garden, and then staring at the games on her mobie… Nan passes out with indolence… and goes to sleep…! Barely a word has been said.
Later we have a conversation, of sorts… I ask if she’s here for a holiday, or to work… She says she’s here for a ‘holiday’… “End of…” (© Fargo)
At eight o’clock I have dinner – Nan just has a carton of milk. I watch a movie, Nan is wrapped up in her mobie, and is soon asleep… At ten-fifteen I go to bed… I don’t think I’ve ever seen such an idle, lazy, good for nothing…!
We get up late. I ask about breakfast but Nan says she’s already had a carton of milk… after which she plays games on her phone, stares at the front garden, and sleeps… I work on the computer, until nearly four o’clock before stopping for lunch. Nan wakes up and has a carton of . . . Whatever! I’ve stopped asking… Later we go to a local market and buy food. Nan says she wants som-tum. I give her 30 ฿, and return to find her changing a 1,000 ฿ note… The change is thrust into her pocket as if I’m not supposed to notice…
In the 7/11, without asking for money, she buys water (having apparently not noticed I have plenty at home…), a bag of crisps, a dried, shredded squid-flavoured snack, and a comic.
Later I ask if she’d like to do some laundry tomorrow. She announces she’s going home tomorrow…! Allegedly, she’s been offered work for the weekend… or maybe she’s more bored than I am… but it saves me the problem of diplomatically suggesting it…
Nan is a nicely brought up young lady but totally, completely lacks motivation or ambition… although she’s not quite the most boring lady I’ve met… But she does have the worst halitosis I’ve ever encountered…
I get up at about nine o’clock… to find Nan ready and waiting… I have breakfast… and we set off. This one didn’t even last forty-eight hours…
At the bus-station I pull over to park but Nan is half out of the car, telling me not to wait. I give her the 1,000 ฿ note I have ready – it will have cost her 600+ ฿ (return) to get here, and, whatever the result, it has saved me the same cost, and all the bother, to get to Bangkok… I do not expect not to pay.
However, she instantly refuses and, only when I press it upon her, does she politely accept, and repeats I don’t need to wait. Maybe she did come in a friend’s car… I drive on…
At about this same time I was discovered by another young lady, who also looks older, ‘Nang’ (not her real name), but is very jolly, who quickly says she’s looking for a new job, and will come to stay at Song-Kran… but spoils it, two days later, by asking if I have another lady living with me. I tell her, three, and also a ka-toey… and then add: “If I have a lady in Hua Hin I would NOT be on Thai Friendly. OK…?”
I give Nang a call and she sounds as sweet, and ‘nice’ as she looks on her profile, and in her messages… She claims she’s too old, to dumb, too black… and… too fat… and she is right about the last one. I tell her to call me when she reaches Cha Am… but do – not – get – off – the – bus – there…!
On the dreaded day (because of Song-Kran) I wait for the call, and then dash into town, praying I’ll be able to dash straight back again… For about twelve years I have not stepped foot outside my door at Song-Kran… She’d better be worth it…
. . . but the same thing happens, and it takes over two hours to find her. Some of this is because of Songkran, which has the streets in and around the town centre blocked, but more is because she is at Market Village, and not near any of the bus stations… I drive up there and have to wait opposite (because of f***ing Song-Kran…), and tell Nang to cross over to soi-73… but she keeps hearing 72, which is on the wrong side, and back into town… and off she goes. To return there will involve me driving half way to Pranburi (the u-turns are all closed), and crawling back again… so I tell her to get another moto-taxi back to me. I wait… and wait… She arrives and asks why I was shouting on the phone. I grin, and tell her the noise of Song-Kran…?
She turns out to be as chirpy as I expected, but also rather pouty, and everything is my fault because, she keeps asserting, “I’ve never been to Hua Hin before…!” Next time a new lady comes here I’ll wait at home until she phones to say she’s actually arrived AND has determined exactly where she is…!
At home Nang turns out to be rather tactile but… I have a sneaky feeling she’s testing me… as to why I’ve brought her here. She also ‘complains’ that the whole place is too quiet, and that she’s hungry and, when I say I can put the ‘New Year’ chicken in the oven now, and we can eat in a couple of hours, she decides she’s tired, and lies down on the sofa.
I give the car a quick rinse, to remove all the SongKrap, have a shower, change my toe-dressing, make coffee, and check my mail & news…
After three hours ‘She’ wakes up, complaining of a headache. I give her two paras. Just as I’m starting to serve dinner ‘She’ decides she wants to shower. I tell her to hurry – and she does. ‘She’ doesn’t eat much – a third? – before declaring herself full – ‘She’ doesn’t like roast chicken, nor potatoes, nor carrots, nor… well it is Sunday…!, having previously said she does…
Without saying much, and barely acknowledging my polite comments… and no, I don’t ask: ‘When are you leaving…?’ she falls asleep again, for another two hours… while I watch a movie. By ten-thirty Nang has been asleep for over five of the six hours she’s been here. Tomorrow we will have a chat about what I am expecting…
In the morning I find her sitting on the sofa, playing games… having done nothing. When I suggest she might have had a sweep round she gives me a very old-fashioned look, as if to say: ‘What did your last servant die of… Overwork!?’ Nang half-heartedly whizzes about with a broom… sweeping the dust from one side of the room to the other, without seeming to get any of it towards either the front or rear door…
As I start breakfast, ‘She’ declares hunger, and asks why my palm trees don’t have any mangoes on them… Duh… and then sits on the porch, playing games… I have my usual, and give her half my mango. She eats about a third of it, and declares herself full… Weird…
Half an hour later, still complaining of a headache, she puts her iPad on to charge, and is soon fast asleep again… I watch an IndyCar race on YouTube… Three hours later ’Er-indoors is still asleep… but, when I get up to make coffee, ‘She’ recovers her ‘gamer’, and returns to the porch – without saying a word…
I work for three hours while ‘She’ oscillates between the porch (games) and the sofa (sleep), and has spoken about half a dozen words. I have a delicious sandwich. ‘She’ wakes, mumbles she’s not hungry… and I tell ‘Her’ I’ve never met anyone who just plays games and sleeps, doesn’t eat, and doesn’t talk… This seems to surprise her, and she dashes off to shower…
‘She’ later says she doesn’t like to disturb/distract me. She also admits to not liking soft mangoes, nor soft bananas, nor any kind of bananas, nor the chicken I made last night (she likes it fried, and chopped to buggery…!). Nang is the only Thai lady I’ve met outside a bar who behaves like a bar-girl… She is also the only one who has informed me that she is not now, nor ever has been, a bar-girl… Odd she feels the need to say this. My ex- was the same. <Errr, maybe it has got to do with the way these ladies are treated / the way they feel they are treated – Stick>
Without a word ‘She’ goes to the fridge… and returns with Digestive biscuits with a large dollop of jam (the size of a golf-ball) on each biscuit, plus a Kit-Kat. I decide to object. I don’t doubt Nang is feeling ill at ease here but, she’s 43 and should be able to express herself… I’ve had barely half a dozen sentences from her in 24 hours…! I explain this ‘marmalade’ is imported by Spanish friends and can’t be wasted in this manner. She looks at me as if I’m the Spanish Inquisition, but doesn’t seem to give a damn… so I take the plate from her hand, return most of the marmalade to the jar, and return this rather odd ‘lunch’ to her. Nang pouts, jerks her head away like Miss Piggy, and says she won’t eat it… I ask her if she’s 43, or 3, leave the plate by her side, and return to my work… as she returns to her games… Either tonight will see a vast improvement… or tomorrow will see farewells…
Later ‘She’ takes her ‘tea’ from the sofa to the kitchen and it sounds as if she dumps it in the bin which ensures a speedy departure in the morning. It seems this was done to free up a little more space on the sofa so ‘She’ can sleep…
I watch a movie: Sam Peckinpah’s Bring Me The Head Of Alfredo Garcia… which gives me a couple of ideas. I am so bored having this lazy, indolent, childish, ‘woman’ here.
At eleven-thirty I have a bite to eat… just as ‘She’ wakes up and, looking all bleary-eyed, starts playing her games again… and all without a word to me, sitting right in front of her, about three metres away… Weird and weirder…!
At eleven-forty ‘She’ goes back to sleep… I eat, and turn in at midnight.
At eight o’clock, as I try to decide what to say, Nang comes to the bedroom door and half-guiltily informs me she will be off now, if that’s OK with me… I try not to look too over-joyed, nor yet too disappointed, in case she changes her mind… but I dress quickly, and we set off.
On the way, I try to make light of everything, but she just complains she’s covered in mosquito bites, because… she impolitely asserts… my house is full of mosquitoes. I suggest that maybe all homes in Thailand have mosquitoes. She snaps back that it is only my home that is so infested…! ‘Oh, we did laugh...’
At Market Village (where she asks to be dropped) there are no buses for Chonburi but ‘She’ happily gathers her bags together, briefly thanks me, and dashes off… I tell her to check, while I wait. ‘She’ asks a taxista where she can get the bus to Chonburi and the guy immediately sniffs a fare, and agrees to take her. ‘She’ waves me away, sure that she’s now (finally…?) in good hands. I wave goodbye to Her, but she acts as if she’s never seen me before… Only one thing is certain: she’ll never see me again…!
It is probable all her moto-taxi fares cost more than the minibus, but she hurried away before I could reimburse her.
I smartly return home, pause to recover my equilibrium, and have breakfast…
In her photos, messages and chat Nang was always a very cheery, smiley person but… she turned out to be a very whiney and petulant person – almost everything she said (which wasn’t much) was some kind of moan or complaint…
. . . and thus, somewhat disheartened, that was it for nearly a year.
That’s all for now folks… Pip, Pip.
Hua Hin Harry
to be continued…
I'm a little surprised no reader has put together a spoof of any of the episodes of this series, writing from the perspective of one of the ladies. This series makes for very interesting reading because you're frank and honest in describing things from your perspective – which I respect. On the other hand, I wonder a little about the way you treat some of these ladies, at least in terms of what your "expectations" may be. I'd be interested in what other readers think.