Stickman Readers' Submissions October 5th, 2015

Bargirl Advice Please

I was browsing through the Internet when I saw your post about checking out a Thai lady and could need some assistance or advice on this.

I am from Singapore, 34 years old. I am a frequent traveller to Thailand and am no stranger to the nightlife over there. I have been in a few relationships with some bar girls but none was really serious until I met this lady at Nana Entertainment Plaza.

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To cut the story short, I have met my fair share of bar girls and I have "battle scars" from all these relationships with them and have learned to see through their tricks and lies. But this woman was the total opposite of what I have encountered before. She refused to take any money from me except the first encounter and I have to force it upon her to accept it. I even proposed to her to quit her bar job and I am willing to sponsor her 25,000 baht monthly which she refused. She told me that she wanted to see if I am really true to her before deciding because she did not want to end up jobless if I decided to bail on her.

She told me that she would not go out with customers which I highly doubted because I have checked with the waitresses at the bar she worked and they told me a girl has to be barfined 9 times a month if not her salary will deducted.

She is still schooling so her routine will be working in the bar until 2 – 3 AM when she goes back home to sleep and has to wake up to attend classes from 10 AM to 2 PM. Then she will go back home to rest and go to work at about 5 PM.

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There was one night she told me she was going out with her uni friends to party for 2 days at some rental shack beside a huge pond or river. During that time, she would constantly call me on the phone clearly drunk and tell me she missed me. After the partying, a close picture of her and her ex-boyfriend was on her Facebook page. I confronted her about it and she denied posting that picture, saying that it was her friend who had the password who did the posting. She told me if she wanted to lie she would not be so stupid to post that kind of picture for me to see. Her explanation made some sense and I believed her and the picture was deleted from Facebook.

She has a pretty nice camera that she brought along on our dates to take pictures. I wanted to see the other pictures in the camera and she refused, saying that I will think too much if I see those pictures. I was adamant to see them and saw pictures of her and her ex-boyfriend taken during that party session. She started crying and deleting those pictures saying that I made her heart pain by doing this and not trusting her. I am a sucker for a woman's tears and I choose to believe her. I have not checked her phone before.

Whenever she is with me, there have been no mysterious phone calls made to her where she had to hide and answer. Whenever she needs to make a call, she would tell me whom she was calling without me asking.

Although the signs are positive and she is clearly different from the other bargirls I've met, (maybe due to her working in this line for less than 2 months) I still feel insecure due to my past experiences with bar girls. There are things I do not understand like why she is uncontactable from the time she goes school until she finishes her school for the day. Is the Thai university so strict that students are not allowed to have phones with them during lessons? Should I hire a PI to check on her feelings towards me or a character assessment before further commit myself to her?

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Stickman’s thoughts:

I think it is plainly obvious that your girlfriend has lied to you during your “relationship” and she has seen her ex-boyfriend during this time. Let me take this moment to roll out the old cockroach cliché: Lies are like cockroaches, you might only see one but you just know there are many more that you haven't seen!

I try to be supportive and positive when it comes to dating bar women, but we have to be honest: at the end of the day you’ll usually be much better off dating a lady who never worked in a bar, as opposed to a lady who is / has.

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