Readers' Submissions

I Fell For A Massage Girl

  • Written by Anonymous
  • September 18th, 2015
  • 6 min read

I am looking for some advice from people who may be a lot more experienced with Thai women than me. I find myself in an awful predicament where I am hopelessly in love with a girl who works in a massage parlour. Tears are flowing almost every day. I recently left her after a 4-week trip and cried my eyes out (pathetic, I know).

I have been to Thailand 6 times in 2 years and every time I have been I have seen this girl. We only became officially "in a relationship" around 6 months ago. The previous 3 visits had been on, I suppose, a fxxk buddy basis.

There are trust issues in the relationship. When I came home from my first few trips, I naively assumed she was only interested in me. Having learned a lot more about massage girls, particularly girls like this one, I realized that obviously wasn't the case. Eventually I found out she had an Englishman sending her money, yet she still slept with me when I went over.

I have quizzed her many times about if she was sleeping with me while this man was sending her money, then how do I know she's not doing the same thing to me? Her (somewhat weak) excuse was that whenever she was with this man, he never admitted that she was his girlfriend when people asked him. She felt undervalued by him and was suspicious of him because he was meeting up with one of her friends in Bangkok. I have given her the benefit of the doubt but still there were more issues. I saw two cinema tickets in her room recently and having talked to her every day, she never mentioned going to the cinema. I assumed she went with a man but when I quizzed her she mentioned that she went with her friend but didn't want me to know because I'd only be asking questions like, "How do you have money to see a movie?"

She works as a masseuse and has admitted giving happy endings in the past. At first this was hard for me to accept but I realized it's part and parcel of living in such poverty. She says she has stopped doing that sort of thing and I suppose I have no alternative but to believe her.

I met her in a nightclub in Chiang Mai (Zoe in Yellow) and never actually paid for the act of having sex. As I got to know her more and officially started a I relationship, I have been helping her out a bit with the rent for her room. I send her a few thousand bath a month when I'm not there, and when I am there I'll pay the rent for her seeing as I'm sleeping in her place every night.

She is 32 years of age and I am 25. So this isn't the typical old guy gets smitten by younger girl thing. On the positive side, she is a fantastic, caring person. I stay with her in her room when I go to Thailand and she does everything for me. She basically takes care of me in a way I never realized women could. She knits scarves to take home to my mother when I'm there. She takes me around on her motorbike to amazing places and we eat fantastic food together. She calls me every single day and texts me a good bit too.

I know there are many horror stories that probably started like mine but I genuinely believe this girl really loves me. I am thinking of moving to Thailand to teach (possibly mathematics as I have a background in it) and I'm wondering if am I being stupid? I feel drawn to this girl and don't know if I'm abandoning all sense of reason to be with her. I need to save up a bit for a year so that I can arrive in Thailand with a bit of capital to my name. She still works massage though and that is the big problem. She has mentioned she is thinking of quitting and working as a waitress, but whether she actually follows through with that is another story.

I have known her for a long time and have spent at least 4 months of my life in her company so at this point I care deeply about her. Should I pursue this or take a step back? Thanks for any advice you or your readers may have.

Stickman's thoughts:

My thoughts on relationships with bargirls or any Thai women who have worked on the fringe of the industry (as I think it's fair to say this lady has) are known. I see a real risk that things won't work out and if when / they go bad it can be a train wreck. This is based on many years observing such relationships, writing about them and in some cases, checking out ladies. Of course, in some cases it does work out, but in my experience such success happens in a minority of relationships.

What is a little unusual about you situation is the "reverse age gap", where you are older than she is. The age gap itself is certainly not a problem per se, but there are two related issues worth considering. First, she has passed the all important 30 which is a point in time many women become more concerned about being in a serious relationship and perhaps starting a family. The other issue is your age. A lot of Thai women don't take younger men seriously (in terms of being a provider in a relationship) and question whether younger men are ready to settle down and able to look after and provide for them. This could be an issue with you as you state that you may have to save money for a year to be able to get back to Thailand with a bit of capital behind you. That is a problem because your girlfriend will then be another year older and we're getting to close to the point where it's going to be all downhill for her. She may well be willing to give you some of her best years, but she's a woman from a poor background in a country where such women look for security.

With all of this in mind, my advice to you is to put in place a very clear plan of what you wish to do and communicate it clearly to her. This should cover everything from when you will be able to move to Thailand, to what the plan will be for the two of you (move in together in to what sort of place / get engaged / get married / have kids / support her between now and then etc.) to trips to Thailand you will take between now and then. The plan needs to be communicated clearly and there should be a few goals along the way that you should set for each of you, such as financial goals for you and perhaps employment goals for her. If she is committed to you and you are committed to her then I think this is the best way to go about pursuing things. I think you also need to establish rules about honesty, trust, faithfulness etc.

As clear as such a plan may be, I'd still estimate the odds of success at much less than 50 : 50. Put that down to a combination of her background, the trust issues that exist, the time the two of you will be apart, the reverse age gap, the cultural differences etc. I wish you luck.