Readers' Submissions

What Do You Smell Of?

  • Written by Professor
  • July 28th, 2015
  • 7 min read

When my Thai friends and I get together, we usually talk politics and business. Girls sometimes become part of the conversation, but my Thai friends are usually quite discrete.

One of my friends is a relatively high official in the Thai government, and I have been mentoring him for 10+ years. As he is a public figure (his picture in the newspapers once or twice a month), he is always very careful about any extra-curricular activities. His usual modus operandi is to take a room at the Dusit Thani in the afternoon, call a service, and have a lady delivered to his room. He will not appear in public with a lady not his wife.

About a year ago he was up for a major promotion, but ended up losing out to a weaker competitor who was more strongly politically linked. I felt bad about this as I had always advised him to be utterly neutral and keep away from being branded as part of any political party. This advice did not do him any good in the short term, but just recently a Minister called him in to say that his neutrality was serving him well and they may replace the person who got the promotion with my friend, as the political balance had shifted away from the competitor’s supporters.

One result of my friend having temporarily lost his governmental position is that he is able to indulge a bit more freely. Last week I called him to invite him for a coffee, but instead he asked me to meet him at the Starbucks Esplanade on Rachadapisek at 6 PM one night.

When he arrived we went together to the car park where he dismissed his driver for the night and got behind the wheel himself. We drove a few minutes to an unmarked underground garage. We were escorted by the parking attendant to a private elevator where, upon giving our room number, were then escorted to a private room.

We were in the most exclusive place in Thailand for these types of activities.

The room we were taken to was huge, perhaps 1,500 – 2,000 square feet (150 – 200 meters). Starting at one end there were several sofas surrounding a state of the art TV, presumably for karaoke. Next to that was a round table seating 12, then a whirlpool seating about 8, a sauna for about 4, and a bathroom. There were four bedrooms.

There were two more Thai friends already there waiting for us and a bottle of whiskey was produced. Food was ordered but I was advised to eat lightly as to not become too full for any physical activity. After some light drinking and eating, about half an hour after we arrived, the manager came in with a extremely beautiful very white-skinned girl from Chiang Mai who sat next to my friend. He explained that the management knew his type, that he always wanted a new girl, and that they just brought him the newest arrival who fit his type. He asked after my preference.

Not wanting to insult anyone, and wishing to show my trust, I said I would be happy with whoever the manager recommended. A few minutes later, the manager returned with two girls so I could take my pick. One was fairly light-skinned, the other was darker skinned and quite clearly from Isaan. They were both gorgeous and hard to choose between. I asked if they spoke English and they each responded in excellent English. Part of me wanted to take the non-Isaan girl as I didn’t want to confirm to western stereotypes, but the Isaan girl was incredibly tall, 175 cm as it turned out, and as I am tall myself I selected her. The other girl gave a big smile and waied quite formally before leaving. My girl, whose nickname was Tan, as befitting her dark skin, sat down next to me. I noticed that she was quite busty, naturally as it turned out.

The other two Thai men had already pre-selected regulars who were also brought in.

After 15 minutes or so of light conversation, the girls retired to the bedrooms and shortly after came out wearing white bathrobes. A few minutes later we all went to our respective bedrooms.

The bedrooms were more or less the same as what you might find in a Darlings or Annie's, but infinitely more luxurious. There was a king size bed with lots of pillows, a TV, easy chairs and a coat rack for hanging clothes, and a huge bathtub. Tan undressed me and led me to the tub, where I was thoroughly washed. She politely asked my permission to give me a blow job, after which we went to the bed.

She then asked me if she could “take control and coming” to which I, as a gentlemen, agreed. She got on top and proceeded to manage things until she, in her words, “was coming”. (I make no claim as to the veracity of this, and will go on with the story).

I then did my thing and after a period of time she announced she was coming again, which I doubted but was too much of a courteous man to dispute her. I asked how many customers she had every night and she said two or three, “but not for sex”. Usually they did karaoke and the guys got so drunk they couldn’t perform. She told me she would not “coming” again that night.

After I finished coming, which I can assure the reader was true, we went to the shower where she rigorously cleaned me without soap.

Two digressions are now in order. About 10 years ago I was enjoying a quiet evening in my room when a friend called inviting me out for a drink. I asked the lady beside me if she minded and she said she was happy to stay in the room and watch TV. I went out with my friend, an Aussie, and one thing leading to another and we ended up in a soapy. I returned to the room at a late hour and crawled into bed where the lady was sound asleep. She turned to me to snuggle up, sniffed and shot bolt upright in bed. “Why you smell soap?” she shouted. “You go out drinking you have to smell smoke. Why you smell clean?” I told her to shut the F up and went to sleep. The next morning it was all forgotten as the lady must have realized that the better part of valour is discretion and that if she wanted a good tip she should let sleeping dogs lie.

I was telling this story to another friend of mine a few years after and he recounted me his tale. His father came to him on his wedding day and said “Son, I’m supposed to give you words of wisdom but I don’t have many. I’ll tell you this. Every night when you come home, before you get into bed, take a shower. Do this every night. Then, if one night you come home smelling of something you shouldn’t smell of, a quick shower will take care of the odor. But you must do this every night, not only on the nights that you do something naughty, or else your wife will become suspicious.”

Ever since hearing that advice, I have rigorously followed it.

But back to the evening in question. When Tan was washing me without soap, and continually sniffing me to ensure I was both a) clean and b) scentless, I thought of these two stories. After getting dressed I joined the others in the main room where I told my friend about the lack of soap. He showed my his gym bag and told me that he always brought it with him so that his wife would see him bring it home every night, and that he always used his own soap when he went to this place.

My friend tipped the girls, 2,000 baht each it seemed, they soon left, we had one more for the road, and called it a night. It was about 8 PM and everyone needed to get back to their families. In the car I asked my friend if I could contribute to the cost of the night (I estimated the girls cost around 10000 baht each but had no idea of the cost of the room). I knew he would refuse, which he did, but I wanted to make the gesture. He took me back to the MRT and I was in my room shortly afterwards. My mia noi was at a birthday party for a high school friend so I showered again in our room to make sure I smelled of our soap, watched a video and was sound asleep when she came in around midnight. She smelled of sweat.

Take care,


PS: I made some discrete enquiries. It appears as if membership to this club is 200,000 baht. A room costs about 25000 baht depending on size, which includes food, soft drinks, one bottle of alcohol and a girl. Additional girls are 10,000 baht each extra. Tips are up to you. No charge for soap.