My Thai Girlfriend from Isaan
I am hoping to get some perspective on my ex. With your experience I am hoping that you can give me a proper perspective on my situation.
I am in my late 30's and moved to Thailand about 2 years ago. Being well traveled and having dated many women from around the world, I was not expecting to get in to such a mind-fxxk (excuse my French) as I am now.
I met a woman about 2 years ago at a nightclub. Her friend introduced her to me. This introduction made me believe that she was a decent girl for she did not approach me herself. Having spent more than 7 years in Asia I knew that this was one of the ways a proper girl would show interest, asking her friend to inform for her.
In any case we soon started seeing each other on a regular basis. Within the fist couple of months I would ask her on several occasions if she was married or had a boyfriend, and her answer was always no. Somehow I had a feeling that something was off. I persisted and decided to ask one last time. She confessed that she was married to a Farang but that she was desperately seeking a divorce for he had cheated on her with her niece.
By this time I was starting to fall for her and was not sure if ending it would be a good idea since I was pretty much in to her. She has a kid as well and me loving kids I soon felt an emotional bond with her as well as her kid. She chased me to a certain degree and asked me to stop seeing any other women that I might be seeing, stating that she wanted me to herself. Feeling what I felt for her, this was not a big decision for me to make so numbers were deleted and we became a couple. Things seemed great.
I was invited to her hometown in Isaan and fell completely in love with her. This was 6 months in to the relationship and was the first time I used the "L word" with her. While we were in Isaan she asked me if it was okay is she worked in a bar. Being naive I thought sure, why not work if you want, making money for yourself gives self worth. Little did I know she meant a bar in Nana Plaza!
After returning back to Bangkok a few days later she showed up at my house and said "I am going to work tonight" and asked if I was okay with this. This is when I really found out where she was going to work. Nana Plaza she said to me and I was shocked for I did not think she was even remotely affiliated with that scene. I do not believe in telling people how to live their lives so I let her walk out the door. She told me she loved me and that her telling me was a sign of her love since she was not telling her husband about this.
Three days went by and I broke up with her explaining that this is not what I wanted in a girlfriend. Tears started to come down and she started to talk of how stupid she was and how sorry she was for doing this.
She asked me back and being a softy I did. But at this point my head was spinning for I could not understand what had just happened. I had been so careful not to get involved with a bargirl. Having dated decent women in Thailand with regular jobs I was uncertain of how well my radar was working on her. I asked her how much her husband was sending her every month and she explained that she was getting 7K US a month but that the money was getting less and less and her expenses were high, 30,000 baht apartment, new car, kids school (best private elementary school in Bangkok) taking care of her mom who received 30,000 baht a month as well and whatever she might have been giving to her extended family. This all was pretty overwhelming for me and I was not sure what it all meant for I was sure that she was a decent girl with her head on her shoulders.
In any case time went by and as my questions were becoming more intense and intuitive, I believed most of what she told me. Spending more time with one another I was starting to get irritated with her kids behavior and even more so with how she went about taking care of her kid. Not taking him to school, not minding what he had to learn etc. He is a good kid and I love him dearly but at the same time he was out of hand at times and I decided to jump in at one point and put my foot down. He was being obnoxious and hurting a small animal. I asked him to stop on several occasions with no resolve and no word from her, so took matters into my own hands. I picked him up and squeezed him a bit until he felt the pressure. It hurt him a bit but no blue marks were left. (This was the only kind of punishment I ever received from my father so saw not much wrong with it.)
A couple weeks went by and she broke up with me stating that I abused her son (you beat my son were the exact words). I accepted the breakup but not under the terms she mentioned. Being an abused kid myself (my mother was full of rage), this was hard for me to swallow and I desperately explained to her that I would never hurt her son. Done I thought okay. I had bought some earrings for her and traded them in for the money and gave it to her saying that I hope she could use the money so she would not have to work in Nana Plaza. She got upset at the gesture but asked me back at the same time, saying that she wanted me to go to the beach with her and her family and that the money would be used there. She never brought the money but we proceeded to have somewhat of a good time at the beach. Things seemed great again and we moved on.
As much as I would like to remain loyal to any woman, I found it harder and harder to convince myself that she was the one for me. Her husband would make trips over to Thailand every couple of months and the reality set in a bit that she might get back with him at any time. With this in mind I ventured out and met women when she was with her husband. Sometimes it would lead to sex but most of the time it was just for me to have companionship when she was away.
About a month before the summer we broke up again, her stating that she was married and had a kid and that it would not work. She seemed angry and this got to me so I made sure that we would not leave each other on a bad note. This worked and we seemed okay with our experience together and life went on. About two weeks after our breakup I started to get health problems. Needing to go to the hospital I asked her to take me. Riding on a motorbike was too much pain for me. I never received a reply from her. My operation went horribly wrong and not having not many friends (almost none) in Bangkok I put her down as my emergency contact. She came and picked me up and took me home. Within 3 days I was up and about again but still in some pain.
I asked her to come over that night to talk and BS just for old times sake. She couldn’t. She said for her kid was sick and she needed to stay home. Okay I thought this was more than reasonable. I went out that night and ended up at Spicy (hate the place only been there 3 times) – guess who was there as well? This pissed me off and I left for home.
Going over things I got pretty upset and went over to her house in a drunken state telling how she is going to ruin her son's life if she does not start bringing him to school and raising him right with a good education. Upon being at her house I noticed that it was full of her friends passed out on the floor. This was the end I thought. Fxxk it, her kid is more important than both of us and the message I had for her would do her some good if even one word would get through to her. So I lashed out with some harsh criticism. It didn't really do any good until the school themselves sent her and her husband a letter on the poor attendance of her kid.
We remained split up for two months until she called me up crying that she wanted me back. I was very unsure but told myself to take it slow and who knows she might have seen the light now. She asked me to marry her, move in with her etc.. but I said it would be best if we waited six months so we could be sure about each other.
Things seemed to be only getting better with each breakup. But my mind was about to start spinning more and more. Upon her birthday I got to take a good look at her friends and noticed that all her friends were working girls, every single one of them. This blew my mind for how could she have friends like that I thought.
After we got back together this time around I did not see other women, not even when her husband came to visit. Things seemed great. We were spending a lot of time together and the kid and me were like two peas in a pod. Love that kid still and miss him dearly. About a month or so after we got back together she asked me to go to Soi Cowboy where a friend of hers was working from her hometown. I am pretty sure that she lured her friend into the business. She then proceed to tell me a week later that she would be working in Hillary on Soi 4 where she would make money only getting commission of drinks. I believed her and after 4 days of work she decided to quit due to the demands from the boss being on time etc. Having my own problems, I paid very little attention to this and in hindsight I might have been very naive.
As much drama as her life had, circulating around her my life drama started to take a role in the relationship. A huge fight within my family that I was not a part of hurt me deeply and had me in a zombie like trance for months. I lost 15 kg in this time and was very depressed. She was there for support and this made me feel great. But the lingering thought of who she really was, was pushed aside and the focus went to my family.
December is getting close and she proceeds to tell me that she can not spend time with me during the holidays for her husband is coming. As much as this hurt me I had to accept it and found myself smiling a little knowing that her son was going to be with his father for Christmas. So I thought.
I saw that she was talking to some guy and asked her about it. She clearly stated he was only a friend. Come to find out on Christmas that she is sending him pictures of herself while on vacation supposedly with her husband. Do to circumstances beyond my control and having spent some money on Christmas gifts for her and her family I was out of money by the end of the month and was unable to eat for 6 days (My European ATM was eaten up and having no friends here made this situation worse) I asked her for help. On returning home from her vacation she does not bother helping me but goes straight to bed. This pissed me off and in my depressed and meager state I acted upon my anger and showed up at her apartment not caring if her husband found out about me. Upon arriving the desk clerk was persistent in telling me she was not at home. Me knowing she was, I waited in the lobby. Within minutes she came downstairs with some fat guy who she claimed to be her husband. Not. I yelled and called her every name in the book. We made up after but my guilt for what I had done was overwhelming and I realized that I might have taken bread off her table as well as her kids and families. She convinced me that she was still in to me by coming over asking me out and having sex for the next couple of weeks. Needing a break I left for Europe to clear my head and get over my own family drama which was still the main thing on my mind. Coming back from Europe we had dinner and everything seemed alright. She proceeded to tell me that her husband was coming again and that he would leave in a month and she would come over to see the new apartment I had along with having a BBQ to celebrate a late Christmas and receive the gifts that I had gotten for her and her family for Christmas. Having plans to go snowboarding in this time as well with a mate of mine I did not think much of it but I knew full well that everything was on the rocks with us as well as with my mind. Hoping to find my center pushed all the negative feelings aside and concentrated on good times. I sent her some messages asking how she was during this time with no reply. Upon coming back from snowboarding with a broken collar bone I called her as soon as I landed. Phone seemed turned off. Not knowing many people in Bangkok I relied on her friend to help me so off to Nana Plaza I went to find her friend and ask her to help me with my injury. 20 minutes of help I needed. Changing bandages and applying some medicine. Upon arriving at Nana I saw my girl sitting with the man who seemed to be only a friend. She did not come over but instead it was me going over to her. She had changed her phone number and had moved on with her new hunk. Never to be heard from again. No how are you doing, is you shoulder okay, nothing. Devastated!
Mr. Stickman, you have a knack for being direct and I hope you will do so with me. What I would like to ask is your thoughts on this woman and what your experience from you line of work is. Is she a working girl? Did I not look at things objectively? Was she ever worth the trouble?
I learned a lot but have a hard time with who I thought I was with.
I can see how you could easily have been sucked in by this lady in the first place, that is assuming you really did meet her in a venue which is not a hangout for sex workers. If you meet a naughty girl in a good place / situation, you might have your guard down so to speak.
But once you got to know this lady and learn that she was indeed a sex worker, a married woman and was obviously telling you a pile of lies, you had many opportunities to end it….but you didn't! We all have our reasons. Perhaps it was one of loneliness or perhaps it was that one that afflicts so many white guys in Thailand – that feeling you are in too deep and have committed so much (time, money, feelings etc.) to walk away.
This woman is rotten. She is selfish. She is a liar, she is irresponsible and worst of all it seems she is a lousy parent.
The advice is very simple: Walk away and do not look back!