Readers' Submissions

I’m About To Marry A Thai Girl, Advice Needed!

  • Written by Anonymous
  • May 4th, 2015
  • 5 min read




I think that your site is by far the best that I have seen in dealing with having a relationship with a Thai girl. I am in a desperate situation and would like to hear your advice.

I have been together with a Thai girl for over a year and a half here in the US. She is 30 and I am 46. She is very beautiful and much of the time seems to be very kind. I own my business with a friend and make around 75K – 80K a year. I have a nice apartment, car and am athletic and I look good / young for my age. She often brings me food from her work or cooks for me and often cleans my place. In return I drive her everywhere she needs to go and usually buy her some non-extravagant clothes and pay for everything when we go out. I pay for her phone and gym membership. We usually enjoy simple stuff together – going out to eat, going to the gym and watching movies together.

I care deeply for this girl. Since the first month we were together she informed me that her student visa had expired and that she was being with me with the hopes of me marrying her one day. I told her that I would not be ready for marriage for at least a year and a half. Well, it’s now been a year and a half. She pushed me a bit to get married a few times but now I have to marry her VERY soon or she will leave me. I now plan to marry her within about a month. The main issue is this is that she says that she does not want a “real marriage” but wants me to marry her now so she can get the green card. She feels that at her age she just wants a relationship (not a real marriage) or no relationship at all and just pursue her career more.

I was under the impression most of the year and a half that when we would marry it would be a “real marriage” or at least very close to a completely real marriage. Where am I now with this? I would be willing to marry her so she can get a green card as long as we at least stay in a “real relationship” the entire time AND that if things are good between us when she is a citizen that we continue to be together both in a marriage and a relationship. When we were in a fight I asked her point blank if she planned to leave me after she got her citizenship and she said, “Yes”. When I asked her again a few days later when we were on better terms she said something like “She can’t predict the future” and “Nobody knows for sure.”

Some red flags that have happened:

– She does not like me to tag her in photos on my Facebook page because she says she does not want her family to see.

– Our relationship has been physical and was not too bad at first but the last half year or so she has been very cold to me physically. She often says she is not interested in sex and sometimes says she would prefer to be with “no guy.” She usually doesn’t like me to even hold her in bed or when we watch a movie. We do hold hands a lot and we always kiss when we see each other.

– She offered to sign a prenuptial agreement. Because she offered I am having her sign one. Right now I rent but I plan to have a house in 2 – 3 years. When I asked her if she planned to try and take my house and ask for alimony if we divorce she kind of said she would not but also gave me another “Nobody knows the future” answer.

– Right now she lives in a house across town with some Thai friends. We get together and spend 3 – 4 nights together, sometimes at my place and sometimes at hers. I’m actually OK with this set-up but would like her to move in completely after 6 months to a year of marriage. She seems reluctant about this but wants me to put her name on the lease.

– Like I said earlier, right now she is pressuring me like crazy to get married. I set up a date with the court for a few weeks from now and she gets REALLY MAD that it’s not sooner.

Even though I wish this was a 100% real marriage I am willing to be in a marriage with her that is at least half-way real. As long as it’s a real relationship which it was for most of the 1.5 years we have been together. Also, as long as I know we can generally be happy while we are together and she might decide to stay after she gets the citizenship and not divorce and try and take my house than maybe marrying her would be ok but this seems hard to count on.

I love being around her most of the time. I would not say she is in love with me but I do know that she likes me and cares about me. When I think of the other options (American girls, mainly with kids) I start to think that being with her for a few years under these circumstances might not be all bad.

Anyway, what is your advice? Do you see a way to make this work or should I run to the hills?





Stickman's thoughts:

The hills look like a pretty good option to me!

It's not just that this woman is not committed to you, I would disagree with what you say and I reckon she doesn't even care about you! She is USING YOU to get a green card. Marrying her seems like a REALLY bad option to me. Eliminate any foolish notion of further involvement with her and end it. Be free of her. No good will come of continuing this "relationship" with her!