An Extraordinary Adventure
I've been reading your column casually for the past few years. Whenever I came across a story involving a Thai spouse and a foreigner that begins with lies and ends with tears I think, Nah, that's never gonna happen to me, she isn't like these other girls. Allow me to share my tale about an Isaan girl…..
I met Sen in 2008 while on holiday in Phuket. She was on holiday with a group of friends as well. We ended spending the entire time together. I hesitated to commit to a full-time relationship because the last one ended badly. After I brought her home for the first time she won the hearts and minds of my family, including my mom who I'm very close to. After two years seeing each other we got married in my country (should have had it registered in her country as well.) I married her despite her having two children aged 15 and 11 respectively. I believed that it's immaterial and my duty to provide for them from then. From 2010 to 2012 things were good, but then I lost my job and had to apply to work overseas. When I returned 6 months later she seemed overjoyed and glad that I was back and insisted that I go to Thailand as she was building her new home then.
I stayed there for 4 months while seeking active employment there, failing to do so I returned home in December 2013 to Malaysia. Previously our phone conversations went well but at the beginning of March '14 she started sounding different. As I was employed doing odd jobs due to the scarcity of work here, I sent home money to her whenever I could. She complained that it was never enough. I asked her why she didn't you work and she replied she can't work in the farm. (BTW she is hardworking, and was gainfully employed while we were together in Malaysia). In early February I sent her money to join me as I was finally able to secure a well paying job. She agreed but didn't show up on the date specified. I tried calling and she answered that she had to use that money for "other things".
During the period from January – April her phone would divert to voice-mail regularly and when questioned on this she replied "I am thinking so much about money, how to solve my problems."
Again, I promised that her money problems are a thing of the past. Lets start anew….and agreed to buy a plane ticket and send over money as a show of good faith as she kept insisting that she can't leave the children without money. The day of her arrival came and I went to the airport to pick her up. After waiting for two hours I decided to check with the airline. They informed me that she never boarded the flight from Udon Thani, much less the connecting flight to Kuala Lumpur. Once again all attempts to reach her for an answer ended in vain.
Three weeks later she finally answered the phone and said that she was sad she didn't take the flight. WTF? We continued to communicate for the next few days and then the line went dead again.
Felling confused and uncertain I took a flight to her home. Upon arriving at her home, despite ringing the bell no-one answered the door. I noticed that the house appeared abandoned. I rang her straight on a Thai SIM. She answered and I asked, "Where are you?"
She replied in my home.
I said I am at your home there is no one there.
She started being nervous and told me to go to her aunt's place nearby.
Just then her grandmother who lives next door appeared, and I tried asking grandma in my limited Thai where my wife was.
She answered in Isaan and proceeded to take me to her aunt's home.
There her aunts called her in-front of me and told me in broken English she has a younger boyfriend.
I am 38 years old, (the same age as her) and she is living together with this man and his young daughter and even her family is unhappy with her decision.
Then they asked me a very strange question. "Are you guys legally married?"
Of course, I replied, we're registered in my home country!
Going back and forth I convinced her to meet me and emphasized that I don't care what happened in the past. I paid her uncle and aunt petrol money to take me to the agreed meeting place, Tesco Lotus in Udon Thani.
She arrived looking very haggard and sad, certainly very different from the woman I knew all this time, a woman who had placed great emphasis on her appearance. After a short conversation I convinced her to follow me to my hotel so that we could discuss what had happened.
After an hour of talking she said she has to return the motorcycle that she rode on and that she will be back. I offered to join her and return together to the hotel but she refused saying that I must be exhausted after the flight and traveling.
She never returned.
I was forced to relocate to Nongbualamphu as it would be easier to catch a flight to Bangkok from there. Again, she switched her phone off.
Finally, 3 weeks ago she agreed to meet me. (The reason I did all this was because I was convinced that she was undergoing depression due to the money problems that she was facing, her son going to jail for possession of a rifle and the same son making a local girl pregnant in February.)
She arrived in Malaysia last Friday and straight away started asking about my sincerity in paying half of the loan that she owed someone which was 30,000 baht. I assured that it all would be taken of by the 29th of April.
She seemed to relax then and played the part of good wife. When I showed her my bank balance she exclaimed, Wow! so much of money!"
For the next 7 days she seemed shifty and evasive when I asked her why she had deleted certain phone numbers from her call log. She cried her eyes out in front of me and my mother (she always resorted to crying whenever she couldn't answer my question properly) and convinced my mother that she truly loved me and said even if she had a boyfriend, no man could let her go with another man. All the while I had a nagging suspicion that she would run away but I was convinced by my mom not to question her again on the boyfriend issue as she seemed to be severely depressed. I agreed. We purchased bus tickets to Hat Yai departing on the 30th of April to deposit the money that she owed as the exchange rate in my country plus the cost of sending the money over was almost similar. A short holiday I thought. I withdrew 40,000 baht and handed it over to her the night before departure.
She was her usual self that day – happy and smiling. I had my suspicions and told her previously that if she wanted to go with this boyfriend to take the 30,000 baht. But let's do things properly. After all, if I would be happy if you found happiness, would you feel the same? Again she profusely denied having a boyfriend. That's its all lies made up by her family to make me want to leave her. She also said that she'll never agree to divorce me (I had suggested this to her in our brief meeting in Udon Thani as I was sick and tired of her behavior).
As I was sick I returned home early from work yesterday. I reached my front door and started calling her name to open the door. I even called the phone that she borrowed from me. The call went straight to voicemail. I then noticed my house key lying outside. I ran inside and searched our room and saw that her travel bag, the pouch where she kept the 36,500 baht and my passports (1 new, 2 old) were all gone. She left in haste as she even left behind her toiletries only grabbing her nice clothes and the brand new shoes that I had purchased for her a few days earlier.
I made a police report as my passports had been stolen.
As I sit here, the day after the incident, I reflect on the last 6 days after the shock of yesterday that this person that I knew intimately (or so I thought) could do this to me. I would understand this if I was a bad husband. I am no angel but I am not an alcoholic, a gambler, a womanizer nor was I ever abusive to her physically or mentally during the course of our relationship. It just doesn't make any sense that for 6,500 baht more (remember, I already agreed to pay off her loan of 30,000 baht) she would risk it all on this gamble.
When she arrive last week I showed her the new car I purchased and the downpayment that I had put on our new condo and the insurance forms signed under her name worth 20 million baht <Crazy given her money-hungry behaviour to that point as you're effectively giving her a reason to slice your throat – Stick>, all to convince her that things are stable, back to normal. I even agreed with my company to get a medical as she has been complaining of pains in her chest. She also agreed to have a child with me.
It is mind boggling! Why she did this as I told her to take the money but no more surprises please. I can't deal with them anymore. Let's have a clean break. Despite all of that…
I tried contacting her family requesting that she hand over my passport today (1st of May) as I don't care about the money. They all claim (surprise, surprise!) that they don't have any knowledge of her whereabouts.
I believe she left for Thailand as soon as I left the house for work (I leave at 5:30 AM).
I myself thought previously that as we were culturally similar that the chemistry plus the love we had would sustain to the end. What I fool was to think that.
She is a wicked, cruel, greedy and unfaithful wife for whom our marriage vows meant nothing and she saw me as nothing more than an ATM. A truly emotionless person! There wasn't even an age difference. To all those of you planning on dating an Isaan girl, please ensure that she is financially stable then investigate her background thoroughly no matter what you might be thinking.
This is one sad story. I really don't have any thoughts, other than to say that this woman is rotten. It's nothing to do with where she comes form or differences between you or anything like that – based on your version of events she just sounds plain rotten.