The Road Less Travelled
Perhaps you have heard the term “when hell freezes over”? Well, I am currently employed there. I work in the Arctic in the oil patch. I like the pay. It wasn’t always so. In my university days I studied psychology during a time when it was not filled with PC thought and the masters were read and studied. Freud, Adler, May, Ericson, Maslow, Frankel. I decided not to pursue work in the psychology field simply because I wanted to be happy, not crazy. After several careers, I finally made it to Thailand in 2011 for the first time and have made several subsequent trips. I want to write a bit about my most recent journey and experience. I’ve become almost obsessed with reading the Stickman site and the readers' submissions. In particular, I’ve always enjoyed the Professor's clarity and positive outlook that he has expressed.
I’ve also had a couple encounters with the bar girls which didn’t go so well, certainly not the GF experience I had heard of. On my most recent trip, I took the Professor's wisdom to heart and here’s a short report of emails I sent to the Prof. concerning my experience.
I wanted to thank you for your recent submissions.
Unfortunately, I let the persistent cynical tone in the website and readers submissions color my world a bit too much in the past on my visits to Thailand.
This trip, however, I took your advice to heart and put it into practice with my "date". I just enjoyed what was and focused on “the things they got”
I went with a 40 something year old very desirable gogo girl for 2 weeks. This woman was a real pro. Smooth as silk and she did not miss a move. Attentive and caring and the cell phone was silent. After our first night out, she then invited me to an evening in BKK with her and her child as she had previously planned this night and couldn’t go with me alone. I went along with her and made it clear I would in no way take any of her time or attention away from her child while I was in Thailand. I know school is out at this time and was well aware how hard she works during the year (and what is holiday for us is indeed work for a Thai bar woman no matter how you slice it) and that she doesn’t get the time she would like with her child during the year. I just went along for the ride and of course paid for dinner.
I want to add to this point, no sex was involved as she was somewhat ill the first night and she was exhausted and needed to rest. The first night out, I just let her lead and go where she wanted to go because I wanted her to feel comfortable and feel safe. Keep something in mind gentlemen: every time a Thai woman (or any other woman for that matter) goes with someone, she puts her very life on the line. She has a very high risk job.
We went to a few places she liked, we danced and she introduced me to two of her closer female friends. I bought them a drink at her request. I know the game and this was about “face” and her “work family” for her. She is a rice person. They will, in turn, do the same for her when her income is slow. We had a tremendous amount of fun just doing those things and she was an unbelievably happy, pleasant person to be around.
I went to Pattaya the next day to see an old co-worker who retired there and returned the same night.
The next evening I went to see her at work but her friends said she wasn’t there. Before I could get on the BTS to return home, she texted me to tell me (gotta love the sisterhood) she was very ill with high fever and could not get out of bed. She texted the next day to say she was still ill but a bit better and wanted to see me. I told her she needed to stay home and rest and I would pay her ½ her wage for the night to just rest. She was happy to comply. She insisted on getting together the next night even though she was still ill.
Upon her arrival the next night she tried so hard to be her business self and show me a good night but it was clear she was exhausted and needed to rest. So she stayed with me and I just took care of her while she was ill, kept her covered, checked her fever, kept her hydrated when she stirred and looked after her needs. I also paid her the Stickman recommended wage while she was ill so she had an income and mental security and could rest and not push herself to work before she was healed. This went on for several more days as she was really ill. When I stay in Thailand, I don’t stay in hotels often but prefer the guesthouse experience. This is a woman who can attract and command top dollar and she had no problem with my modest dwellings.
The result? When she was a bit better she invited me to her home south of BKK. I met her clan, took a boat down river to her very modest home complete with Thai style toilet and stayed there for a few days, playing with her child and just relaxing by the river. She cooked several meals for us while I was there and I was well cared for by her and her family.
We went shopping to an outdoor Thai market and I did the unthinkable: I gave her my Thai wallet I use when in Thailand. It’s a little Chang type purse, complete with credit card inside (I limited the possible financial blow by not having too much cash in there) and told her not to go crazy. She didn't. Not at all. She bargained and bought food for the weekend and a bit more, a few small items for the house and child and that was it.
I did this for a few reasons: to see what she would do and to show her somewhat spoiled child that men pay for women. There is no father in the house and he sees all the money come from mom. We talked and I told her if she wasn't careful he could be like those types of Thai guys who live off the girlfriends who work the bar. She was well aware of that. And very appreciative.
Being well cared for and taken care of when she was really ill and offered a sense of short term security without having to do anything or take care of anyone, the gratitude was very real and genuine.
The key was letting go of the attitudes that have permeated my brain thru too much of the cynicism on the website. I had the Thai experience that many will never have and made a genuine friend in the process.
Did I get laid? No. But she was more than willing, however still weak and I won’t ever push a woman like that.
It’s easy to get laid in Thailand. Not as easy to have the GF experience. As far as what money I spent? So what? I've lost more than that in an hour's day trading. I also have an open invitation to stay with her when I return. Thai style.
I must add, I just went into the bar to have a drink and that was all. I had no intention of taking someone out of the bar. We just clicked and I think she sensed I was a gentle soul, herself intuitively knowing she was on the cusp of illness and needing a friend. It was all subconscious. She gave what she could at the moment. And to be honest, at the time I had no idea why I was doing it. But it worked and we both got what we needed. She put in such an effort to get me to go with her. She really tried hard and even when she was sick, she put in a strong effort to spend time with me under difficult personal circumstances.
She also asked me before she bought anything, with a slight look and a nod. And guess what? She was very Thai and her English was not good at all and we got along well.
If a person wants a GF experience, they must be willing to give a girl the BF experience.
I wasn’t worried that she couldn’t look after my needs and she couldn’t be all made up and ready to dance the night away…I took care of her, saw her at her absolute worst and she was really dumbfounded. She told me everyone was calling and asking her to come take care of them (clients) but I took care of her and didn’t push her for anything. She said she never had that.
Call me foolish but it seems to me in this life you get no more than what you are willing to give away. One truth I have found over and over is I rarely regret the chances I take but I do regret the things I don’t do. On my deathbed, I won’t regret my time with her.
Besides, I looked at your submissions and saw my own self-centeredness at times and I needed to grow.
I was in Thailand, and more educated, older, and more “worldly”, I agree it is my responsibility to make the major adaptation.
Did I compromise my principles? Perhaps some minor ones but I was able to express the more important ones.
Again, Prof, thanks for the clarity of your submissions. They made all the difference.
Additionally, thanks for the article on Durex. Interesting when facts are involved. The Thais are more faithful than Americans.
“The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in. Let it come in. We think we don’t deserve love, we think if we let it in we’ll become too soft. But a wise man named Levin said it right. He said, “Love is the only rational act.”
― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie