Readers' Submissions

Crazy!

  • Written by Anonymous
  • April 6th, 2015
  • 5 min read



Last week you were wondering why anyone would enter that Crazy bar on soi 23. The following rant may make you wish you hadn't wondered out loud 😉

I have wandered into the place a few times over the past few months (not to finger-bang the staff…. I'll leave that to Dr. Dirty 😉 I feel I can offer a solid explanation as to why the place is currently wobbling into a typical naughty-bar decline.

The House has always offered three tiers of service: sideline girls, scantily-clad knickers-free girls and buck-naked girls. In spite of two psychotically greedy mamadragon bullies who try to control all the action here, this clip-joint used to be wildly successful. It was just Crazy-obvious but there was a perfectly sound reason for this.

Bars are all about the girls.

The "connected owners" and their network have got the girls.

However: Since this famously connected place is absolutely truffled with CCTV cameras and since a few girls there are rumoured to use fake ID cards, one bar-fines cautiously, if at all. Customers who spend the evening drinking, buying drinks for the girls and even bar fining the odd one to hang in the bar with, make money for the bar and its owners but they DO NOT PUT ONE BAHT INTO THE GREEDY MAMADRAGON'S HOT SWEATY CLAWS.

And That's the Crazy Problem HATING any transaction that excludes them, these two FAT pig-fart bitches body-block, shout down, or pull apart, any spontaneous interaction arising between girls and punters who know the score and who speak enough Thai to flirt and hook up. These mamabullies rock up with their pasted-on shit-house, rictus grins, speaking only Thai and elbow in to break up as many independent punter/tart plays as they can.

That's it. Any play that excludes these fat-asses and their demands for money and drinks from punters and girls alike is thundered out by their desperately rude behaviour and their perceived exercise of control or their "help".

These over-size cane toads would rather see a customer pay up and leave the bar than refuse their demands for a drink (that pudgy clenched fist rotated in front of a hideous grin) or a tip (flashing their shit-eating grin and stabbing an index finger into their outstretched hand) Not a word of conversation in Thai, English or Japanese….. just these dog-trainer's hand-gestures they've come up with to demonstrate some perceived magical cash-extraction power to anyone stupid enough to go for it. But: Experienced punters and pros just aren't taking it any longer. Internet reports in English AND Japanese declare that these two uber-rude, drink-begging, tip-begging, non-English-OR-Japanese-speaking tart-wranglers have extorted a stream of good workers (service and tarts) right out of the bar. Many girls report that they fled this "blackmail environment" for other bars as soon as these two bully-dragons start hitting them up for "commissions" to which they feel entitled for "liaison services" or better yet, translation services. If you ask them they'll just say, "Pobmem wit' mamasan". Chime in with a cast-supporting "For Shure Honey, you're the one who has to do the work. And besides, that ugly old gah-fawk can't even speak English." and you get a big smile.

So

With increasing frequency punters and even some of the more experienced girls are now just tell these old bags to piss the f**k off. These fat-assed hose- bagsans retaliate by shoving younger less-experienced girls between customers and tarts who're trying to flirt and initiate deals on their own.

As for the "offending" punter's punishment? The mamadragon broadcasts to anyone who'll listen that you're a bad man and a liar and cheap and you don't pay. Why? Because the mamadragon makes sweet nothing from a directly-negotiated mama-parasite free transaction. She also loses face as an effective liaison between farangs with cash and girls with less experience. The girls are happy when you can communicate in Thai? They want to cut out the parasite as well.

Even the hapless Sons of Heaven are catching on and, if offended, moving on.

When things go out of balance like this the resulting drop in "service" and product causes a serious drop in the house's gross.

HOWEVER in typically fagged-out Thai management style,

Instead of FIRING this pair of fat nightmae lao's who are (full-on) killing their business, the "connected management" has simply accepted their whiney "low season" alibi (6 months?) and suggested the harpie-duo to "do what they can to bring up the house numbers".

Well, without a thought for the house's bottom line and only their own graft and backhanders in mind, these greedy cows have instead been imposing their own ingenious solution to eliminate any direct communication between experienced English or Japanese-speaking working tarts or (even worse) their Thai-speaking farang customers.

I call it "The Wall of Idiot Sound." (***)

And this is why this crazy place now has EARSPLITTING NOISE instead of even modestly listenable or danceable music. EVERYBODY complains; the girls, the other mamasans, security, and most importantly, both Japanese and gweilo customers. While it may contribute a few baht into their pudgy mitts, this "living hell formula" is proving perfect for ruining a once-solid, highly profitable business model. They're all complaining about the torturous volume levels that are shattering eardrums and causing permanent cochlear damage to ALL.

This crazy place situation is a perfect microcosmic reduction of what has destroyed what used to be a party atmosphere.

(***) Thai patent pending by that, fat-assed, battle-ax-out-of-hell, Khunying-bewigged hose-bag who bullies everyone at the entrance of the bar and her very own lap-dog "DJ")

Add this to Nana's hillbilly business model and you have the perfect one-two punch that's all but "Suttisan-ed" downtown Bkk's fun factor and sent both venues torrenting towards the gurgler.

This may offend a lot of "Uber-experienced" Bkk hot-doggers. Really ? Hard (f*****g) cheese.

These are the pros, who after obsequiously wai-ing the door-boy, wai-ing the noodle-girl, and wai-ing the ya-dong bag out front before even entering the brothel then wai those big fat Mae Lao's who're now going to "help you out" by ripping you off any way she can.

Get a grip on this, chaps. Cut your own deal.