Readers' Submissions

  • Written by BKKSteve
  • March 30th, 2015
  • 6 min read

The last week or so has had its fill of wise and less than wise words concerning the generalizing of Thais. Really, is that what we’ve come to, nothing else better to talk about that maybe.. just maybe stretches the writers' curiosity and imagination more than the average cave man’s flurry of sign language after catching “his woman” being dragged about by her hair by another bloke? Okay, I’ll play. I’ll generalise as well, throw around some viewpoints probably not unique, and have some fun doing it.

During my 12 years in the Kingdom I tended to hang out with people I had something in common with. There were always exceptions, but for the most part going out to the bar(s) was a once in a while occurrence vs. an every night occurrence. Most were educated, and by that I mean masters level and up. And most had a reason to be in Thailand other than the girls.

We’d get together and go out to eat, or maybe cook in, and of course they’d bring their significant others. Again, with the rare exception they were like us. Educated, accomplished in their own right, and for the most part interested in like things. We all talked together. It’s not like the Thai ladies went off on their own to chat. There were always more Thai ladies than others, but the significant others also came from other countries. ALL the ladies would talk among themselves, and with us. All the ladies asked appropriate questions and answered the same. Not once did I notice the often touted “lack of curiosity.”

Gosh, the Thai women I spent time with had more curiosity than an average 4-year-old learning how to irritate mom. No subject was off limits and I found them both honest and open with their viewpoints about their own country.

How to gently explain this.. To a man, we all chose and dated our partners in the same way we would in our home countries. Are there women in our home countries who lack intellectual curiosity? Absolutely, and when they’re not beating up their ex-bf on the Jerry Springer show they’re also finding someone just like them to be the next bf. None of this is classified top secret, we know how it works. So why the heck are we hearing this lack of intellectual curiosity claim?

It probably wouldn’t be inaccurate to say most guys here come at least in part, for the women. By “most” I’d say more than 90% are here because it’s easy to pay for sex. Yet, they haven’t yet come to terms with the concept they’re only paying for sex. Not intellectual curiosity. It’s not part of the job. You came in the bar for a blowjob, not to hear them ask about the international nuclear disarmament treaty. They know this and they give you what you paid for. Transaction over. They’re working by the hour trying to get as much money (from you) as they can, while still getting the dead done. It’s called a business transaction.

They are there for a purpose and to be totally blunt, if you feel they’re lacking intellectual curiosity it’s because that’s the way they want you to feel. What they’re really saying is they’re not interested in you past the most immediate transaction. You probably don’t meet their standards for a boyfriend. In their mind, you’re probably not good enough. After all, what woman wants a man who pays for sex? Especially one on vacation who can’t speak the language and tends to drink and smoke too much?

And yes, it’s certainly possible to move here full time, date a variety of women from different backgrounds, and get the same treatment. They’re telling you they’re not interested. It’s that simple. Guys who have trouble with women in their home countries have almost the same issues here as they did here, and ironically for the same reasons. They just don’t speak the language well enough to understand it when the Thai lady tells them so. I’ve seen this more times than I can count. Guys, sometimes to attract quality women it requires a good hard look at yourself. Sometimes you need help, like a counselor or even a shrink. They’ll help you see where you’re going wrong and help you correct it.

This lack of intellectual curiosity claim isn’t new. It’s been around a long time. Do you really think even the most uneducated farm girl doesn’t wonder about the world she doesn’t know? Of course she does. They’re just not asking because something about you is turning them off from asking. Maybe they think opening themselves up mentally is something they’re reserving for someone they wouldn’t mind spending forever with, or at least someone they’d enjoy talking with who doesn’t threaten them in some way.

I’ve talked with many women in Thailand. And enjoyed it. They all, eventually, displayed a keen intellectual curiosity,. Some took months to feel comfortable or find the right opportunity to approach what they see as an almost intimate conversation.

If you’re one of those guys who isn’t finding satisfaction through your conversation, perhaps you should consider her viewpoint. How is she seeing you? What is the occasion? WHY would she bother to expend her often limited English vocabulary trying to talk with a man they’re being paid to be with, about the wonderments of the world? Face it, such subjects require language skills far beyond a 50 word vocabulary.

I’ve had four long term assistants that I more or less lived with for long periods of time. All but one didn’t have an education when I met them. She holds a masters and PhD. from a top California university. The other three all now live in western countries, married to men 1-3 years older/younger than themselves, one has a Thai masters and is working on a US Masters, the other has a under graduate and masters in French, and the other a physician's assistant certification in NZ. Lack of intellectual curiosity? What do you think our non-work related conversations were always about? Their dreams and goals and how to get them. They all had to learn to walk before they ran, and this requires time you don’t have in a 3 minute transaction or an even longer girlfriend experience.

Once you do get to know them though, and you can ask any long term expat this, especially those who speak the language, what do you think they really enjoy talking about? Yep, farangs and their bad habits and limitations and lies and all the things they don’t understand about you. I tell them the same things I’m telling you.. try not to label those you really don’t understand. Instead, take the time to understand. Dig deeper.

Until next time.