Stickman Readers' Submissions March 23rd, 2015

Wife Consents to Other Lady and Steps Up Game

I made the overly long submission “11 Years Faithful, Now With Mia Noi” the other day. It tells about how while
now having a thing going on the side, amazingly, things were going better than ever with my wife in the process. Included was my wife making a comment that could have been interpreted as she trusts me, or as consent. In retrospect it could
have also been her suspecting, feeling me out. Perhaps my not saying a word either way was confirmation. I don’t know.

The same day, or the next day, depending how you look at it, after I had sent this off, we had a rare night out with a bunch of friends. A kid that was my direct neighbor back in village life, played guitar for hours, ever day for years. He’s now a teenager and his first band has its first significant gig, and this is what we went out for. A restaurant with drinking, music, servers etc. We are all semi dressed up, and I’m with people I know well in a setting I’ve never been in with them before.

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One in particular is my wife’s very close friend. She is the rare EXTREMELY beautiful women that stays single because she knows she is beautiful and every guy gives her attention, but is also super nice. She works a low paying job, is always doing things with temple, schools, etc. In the environments I normally see her she is conservatively dressed, but tonight she is super sexy in a dress that shows her stomach and cleavage, short skirt etc. This is where she goes out gets her attention. Also in the environment I most often see her she doesn’t flirt.

Well, she turns to being all about joking with me all night. She starts with adding bpaa to my name, and turning this into the joke theme of night. Others with us start doing it too. She’s joking, just lame stuff but people are laughing. An example is she says I should buy and work driving a tuktuk so then when seen with ladies, no-one knows and they think I am just driving the lady to a room for someone else. But to this point this doesn’t all have to mean anything. It is typical out drinking and normal joking around stuff. But then as she starts drinking she opens up more.

She comes and sits on my lap (she’s never so much as grazed me by mistake before) in front of my wife and everyone. She makes a joke about how when I’m ready to have a third wife please pick her. She says third, not second. Then she tells my wife you have a Thai man, not farang anymore.

On the way home my wife who has been amazing says to me: do the kids still get to buy toys or are we saving money for your other wife now? (first direct mention). I just respond, they can buy toys. We come home and have sex for the third time in five nights. That’s near a month’s worth at the previous frequency. When finished, my wife gets all serious and in a demanding tone meaning it: We are going to take care of our kids. For as long as they are children and in school you are not leaving us, and if you ever put her first before us I might kill you. Then she pauses and is to herself, and a minute later says to be careful her Mom never sees me with a lady. Then says she’s okay and hugs me.

From my wife’s comment in the previous submission, to jokes from her friend, to direct confrontation, to my wife’s demands that night, I haven’t said anything. I don’t smile, nod, say okay, deny, confirm… I do nothing. I just listen and observe which feels like the best response. I’m not different in any way, not even slightly, than I have always been. I’m pretty sure this is how I’m going to keep it too. I’m not going to talk about it with friends. It is here on the web, and in my own thoughts and that’s all.

My wife had always told me that if I had another lady we were finished. She said that when we dated, and said it on our wedding night, then here and there for the first few years. Eventually it was just known / assumed. It was a threat held over my head. But in losing it, she didn’t make good. She didn’t even get mad. She has totally acted as if, okay, I have competition now and need to step up, work harder on marriage and keep my husband.

Yesterday we hung out all day, and there was no mention of anything related. She was all catering to me though, where do you want to eat, the up to me really was up to me. We almost never go to farang shops and I thought about it for a second. But in doing so remembered a new Isaan style one I had seen driving by on a huge property at a rice field, but never been to and that it had a playground for the kids. So we went there, the kids ate and played, just your normal happy family, and we sat alone during their playing and talked about normal things. At night she asks me if I want sex or not. LOL I don’t! It would be the 4th time in 6th nights. I say no, are you okay. She is and we go to sleep.

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What I’m going to be curious about is if she ends up sleeping away now. She would stay at home in the village on occasion and this was my time to get out with extended time. So anyways, I’m not sure how this will turn out from here.

One ideal I think is I just keep to this never admitting, never talking about it, and acting very much like a man who doesn’t want his wife to find out covering all the tracks. She feels secure (which she is) and gets out of the competition keep my husband mode she is in, with things returning to normal. I have my other life in whatever small time can manage and I am good with family all others. I think that is the ideal.

On the other hand, not that there is a real competition, but maybe she wins already. When we married I made very little money. Now she relies on me, and there is big money at stake. It almost certainly is the case that “if you ever cheat on me, I go” wasn’t a bluff but just changed in time. The money involved is a factor, but so are our children, family, social environment, and the entire extent of the life we made together, and all of that goes both ways.

I’m not naive and can come up with some less than ideal ways, and some very bad ways this could play out from here. The wrap up though is that going out and cheating has led me to appreciate what an awesome life I have and how my wife is such a huge part of that. I also never even came close to understanding how these families looked so happy while knowing the man had other wives. Now I do. Where it all goes from here, I don’t know, but at least I’m finding my life highly interesting at the current time. From here I’ll just try to stay sharp and play this smart.

Stickman's thoughts:

Playing smart would be sticking with your wife and not fooling around behind her back, would it not?

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