My Answer to “Why I Never Married a Westerner”
Hi Stickman, call me Zef. To make this story short, I'm 33 male, from Poland and drop in from time to time to your readers' submissions section to get some truthful stories about the "Thailand dream", something which I'm considering making real.
Now the latter piece made me shout out, "Hell yeah, way to go Brian!" as I read through his ordeals with his Thai woman. In the story Brian is presented as a prince charming suddenly turning into a toad in front of his girl's family as he refuses to "embrace Thai customs" which in plain English for anyone with half a brain are attempts at milking the American cow out of $.
Let's start from the top with her attraction to a man. He was handsome, soft-spoken, respected her, had a great job aaaand that's it. Nothing about honesty, high moral values or anything of that sort. Then the magic breaks when Brian refuses to pay the bill for her 20 family members "as a sign of respect". A sign of respect that comes outta the blue without any prior discussion with him on the subject. I can only imagine how much greater the disrespect would be if he footed the bill this time then refused to pay somewhere around the 46th “family meal”. That backstabber!
Then later at the museum he's being a bore, because he has issues with having to pay, while she gets a free pass for being Thai. As a loving soon-to-be wife, she chooses to be disappointed with him demanding equal treatment and being vocal about it. Not taking his side, or just going away together because this place disrespects him. Funny how that respect thing seems to be a one-way road for her.
Lastly we have a series of communication issues as the only person Brian can open his mouth to other then his "loving" girlfriend is a girl in front of gogo bar. Everyone else is basically off limits to Brian because he can't speak a word of Thai and he was never told to learn it.
We later find Brian drunk and probably after doing the deed with some bar girl, he gets left by his Thai girlfriend in the dust. Good riddance, I say. I can only hope that Brian after his drunken night sobered up, didn't catch any STDs and found himself a good wife material, one without the whole village attached.
Brian's no angel. If he did that bar girl, she had every right to leave him. And bitching about Thailand being hot and humid, or waitresses not knowing English is like complaining there ain't palm trees on the northern pole! Someone didn't do his homework there.
But let's put things in to perspective here, and run a reality check on his girlfriend, cause she's no angel either. First, let's not forget her time in USA. She graduated from college. You can't tell me she's some poor Isaan girl that doesn't understand western values and approach to relationships. At least the part with “marriage is between a man and a woman”, and not between “a man, a woman and 20 mouths to feed attached to the woman.”
Also notice that after Brian “breaks her heart”, where does she find her asylum from the uncaring western world? In another foreigner! If a lack of understanding for Thai culture and traditions was such a crime in her eyes, then why didn't she get a Thai man for herself? She was a well-educated, successful Thai woman without any shady background, right? Maybe because their pay check wasn't big enough for our 1st class girl, or maybe because they knew the game and even more so then Brian would not put up with her attempts at getting milked for money and putting them under her heel.
The problem in my eyes is not the culture – only her lack of logic and failure to manipulate a smart man. She fell in love with an assertive man who doesn't let others step all over him, then was "scarred and disillusioned" when for some baffling reason it turned out he can apply the very same assertiveness to herself and her surroundings, and not view her actions through pink glasses no matter what they may be.
Brian did an excellent job on reading up about Thais scamming foreigners. I'm not saying that was the case here, though few red flags did appear and he spotted them. But take into perspective that Brian's American, and consider the American divorce system. From what I have read marriage in Thailand favors then man, or at least doesn't screw him over totally when it comes to breaking up (at least when it's a Thai man). In USA she could divorce him for myriad of reasons and get his money because that's the law. Seeing as she expects him to cough up cash for her family I wouldn't be surprised if Brian put things together and saw that in the future either he'll have to feed 20 mouths, or be slammed with divorce and have that money forcefully extracted from him. Dodged a bullet there, buddy!
I also do wonder how that Japanese husband of hers is holding up. There are lots of stories from Japan about men getting fed up with their women's antics – expecting their men to give them all the money, getting little in return.
As a European male I must say it warms my heart that there are men like Brian out there. He's not without fault, but at least he's shown the American spirit of not letting anyone walk all over him "because tradition". America wasn't made by obeying traditions, it was made by sending British tea on a short trip to the bottom of the sea! It wasn't made by being soft spoken with the British, it was made by bulldozing their way to freedom!
If getting a Thai wife to live happily ever after requires a normal guy to throw around money like he's a millionaire and put on a smile every time he's treated like 2nd class citizen by the locals, then it's time to give that option the middle finger salute and look for people and places where real values and equal treatment are the norm.
And Brian, if you're reading this – come on down to Europe, where speaking English is the norm for the well educated part of society, people won't give you the 2nd class treatment because you're not Thai, and when you marry a woman you marry her, and her alone. Of course mind those divorce laws when you do, but it's hard to imagine there's anything worse then American system anyway.
Yours politically incorrect, disrespectful to silver tongued leeches and brash spoken.