Readers' Submissions

Captain’s Paradise

  • Written by Professor
  • March 13th, 2015
  • 4 min read



Don’t you hate people who describe the plots of movies? So do I.

There’s a movie you might never have heard of called “Captains Paradise”, released in 1953 and starring a young Alec Guinness (Obi-Wan Kenobi in later life). Guinness is a ferry boat captain, sailing from Gibraltar to the Spanish city of Ceuta, in Northern Africa bordering on Morocco.

Guinness leads the most boring of existences. He plays bridge in his tiny suburban home with his wife and friends but calls it a night at 9 PM to sleep. On Sunday they go to the park to listen to Gilbert and Sullivan opera. He doesn’t drink, he smokes a pipe, and gives his wife a vacuum cleaner for her birthday.

He is wonderfully happy.

One day we see him in his berth sailing to Africa. Above his head is a picture of his dowdy, frumpy wife. A whistle blows and the 1st mate tells him that they have crossed into Spanish territory, halfway through their voyage. Guinness presses a button, the photo of his wife whirls around, and is replaced by a young, attractive wench.

When the ship docks Guinness is transformed. He is wearing a white linen suit with a red carnation. He buys champagne and flowers and goes to meet his lover, sweeps her off her feet and takes her dancing until the wee hours of the morning.

He is wonderfully happy.

In fact, we soon learn that he is married to both women, and has found what he believes to be paradise.

As is explained, every man wants to be coddled, fed home cooked meals, have his washing done, read a newspaper wearing slippers by the fireplace AND be with a hot sexy young thing where life is a non-stop party.

The problem is that no one woman can provide a man with both things that he wants.

So most men are miserable, says Guinness. They compromise in their choice of mates, and so are unhappy. But, he claims, he has found the solution. He has married two women, each of whom represents a different part of his personality. He wants, sometimes, to be in bed by 9 PM, wearing pajamas and drinking a warm glass of milk AND he wants, sometimes, to dance the night away drinking champagne from a slipper.

So he has both.

I won’t tell you what happens, because it’s a movie and of course things have to go wrong.

But let’s consider the premise.

What do you want in a woman? We are all different, so let me write down some things, You can add or subtract as you like.

Takes an interest in me
Takes an interest in my job
Cares about my family
Cares about my hobbies
Likes to watch sports with me
Likes to go to the movies with me
Likes to go party
Likes to drink and smoke
Likes to go out to fine restaurants
Likes to stay at home and watch TV
Likes to cook home cooked meals
Like sex
Likes to go to church or temple

I could go on. But you create your own list.

Now, of all the women you have been in a relationship with, or the woman you are currently in a relationship with, how many of them fit all the criteria you have set for your perfect mate?

I would guess none.

How close does the best get? 50% achieved? 70%?

The point is, the writers of “Captains Paradise” were on to something. I’m not saying you should have two wives. (Actually, maybe I am). What I am saying is that a person makes compromises in choosing a partner, and those who wait for the 100% match end up waiting a very long time.

There have been some subs lately about Thai women not having intellectual curiosity. Now I could argue the point, saying I know many Thai women who are curious; but they don’t work in bars or the night scene. I could also say that many Thais are trained from birth not to question authority, and it is that non challenging behavior that both attracts westerners to the Thai culture as well as makes us challenge them for a seeming lack of ambition.

But instead, let me admit the point and say, for the sake of argument, that Thai women have no intellectual curiosity. I then might say, “So what?” Of the long list of attributes that you might want in a woman, is that a make or break one for you? You find a girl who’s a great housekeeper, takes care of you at night, is wonderful with kids, looks like a million bucks, is loyal to her family and is great on the dance floor. But she doesn’t like to watch football and you can’t discuss the great issues of our day with her.

Guess what? You can do that with your mates.

There’s a lot of negativity against women on this site. Western women are ball breaking feminists. Thai women are cheating lazy stupid sluts. If you want, you can go through life finding fault. It’s easy to do. Or you can look for the positives amongst the negatives, and have a great life. The choice is yours.

Take care.

Professor