In Defence Of Thai Women
My story comes from visiting Thailand 9 times over 4 years up to 2008. My brother used to live there till he burnt out (heavy smoking and late night boozing) and died of his first heart attack after an intimate encounter. But he was happy and died happy.
Thai ladies from the countryside often come from poor backgrounds, have little education and have a traditional family model in mind – where the man is the provider and the woman is housewife.
For many older westerners that suits them fine. These men want a female companion and often rely on other expat males for more serious discussion than with their girlfriends / wife.
Thai women are dark-skinned <Some, not all – Stick> and that is very sensual, a lovely velvety feel that makes being close thrilling. Thais are mostly Buddhist and don't have the sexual hang-ups of many Christian Westerners. Thais see sexuality as a valid role for a woman to keep their partner content while enjoying it themselves.
Western men in turn must accept they have to support the extended family as the government does not provide any social supports.
It is true Westerners are considered different and perhaps of lower class than Thais but that is a cultural difference only.
Bargirls, like others around the world, can over time become cynical about men depending how abused they have been. Prior to that, however, they do hope for an ideal for a life partner. Thai men often are poor risks for Thai women as many have little education and their jobs are poorly paid so marriage can seem an impossible burden – they tend to leave when things get tough and often resort to amphetamines as escape for a hopeless life. They often have short lives. I am not sure where this male attitude comes from.
Correct me if I am wrong.
Many Westerners marry after a cautious period of living together, say 3 – 4 years and I have seen happy couples like that, old and also some young westerners too.
Other western guys are initially smitten and can't see they are being used by the more cynical ladies, who then dump the guy once they have extracted enough money. These women often have Thai boyfriends / families in secret or several overseas boyfriends all sending money to her while they are away.
But over time these burnt Western guys learn how the game is played and become more discerning, and may after a long search find miss right or as some do avoid commitment altogether and just have a regular bar girl and spend the rest of the time with their mates or their own company
It is becoming harder as Thailand becomes more developed, more expensive, women more educated and independent and so less desperate for a moneyed husband especially a foreign one. Better for those Thai girls to have a high society Thai guy who is more socially acceptable.
A mate of mine met his gorgeous Thai wife in a supermarket queue. He is long term happy which I am glad to see and she is a good match mentally too.
How much easier than in the west!
The bar scene is a poor choice unless the mamasan likes you and introduces you to new (i.e. not yet abused) recruits but in the main the bar scene and internet are just traps. You won’t be able to take the bar out of the bargirl.
To break into better Thai society is much more difficult except through existing Thai / western social or work groups but western dropkicks will be hard pressed to get anywhere I suspect.
Speaking Thai is a good start. Accepting the very different culture helps, loving the people and avoiding the police traps is hard but necessary. Retirement visas are harder to come by but still possible when you are over 50.
Repeat entry visas also harder now you have to fly in t0 get a month (or two if you pay and apply at your home country Thai consulate). Extensions are reduced now.
Health care is important as you get older – usually BUPA is the one people use.
And watch your own health – the heat makes exercise more tricky. I had to give up early morning tennis as despite precautions I still got heat stroke, but I did manage night badminton – like having a free sauna too! Else you end up gaining heaps of weight from eating out that lovely Thai food (read coconut cream and brown sugar) and sitting inside watching TV in the air-con. Public pools are rare so I used to pay 200 baht and use a nearby hotel pool when in Bangkok.
Lots of Aussies are living happily in the cooler areas like Chiang Mai (especially as it is university town). There they have an expat like supermarket too – Vegemite, peanut butter, Aussie cheese, wine and cereals – Rimping, I think it is called – cheap cinemas green countryside and less traffic and pollution.
I like the idea of composing an article in defence of Thai women, but you need to be careful about making generalisations.