Dating a Thai Girl in Canada Part 1
I stumbled across Stickman because I had met a Thai girl on Tinder and I knew absolutely nothing about Thai girls or even really Thailand in general.
I have always had a taste for the Asian flavor and over the past year I have dated Filipina, Korean, Chinese and Indonesian and after nearly 19 years of back to back white western women I have found them to be the best women to date. So far the Filipina and the Korean have been the best girls I have ever dated in my life. I still speak to them despite them both having boyfriends and occasionally sleep with them. Asian women seem to have an ability that white women don’t – which is that even if you break up you are still a human being and they feel no need to completely demonize you and carve you out of their lives. It's just life to them and life goes on. The Korean in particular has helped me emotionally through some tough situations despitethe fact that her white boyfriend really hates it that she still talks to me. When he went through her phone once and found our texts and flipped on her, she threatened to dump him for going through her phone rather than cut contact with me as he demanded. He caved. Talk about a solid girl – to Asians, if you care about someone you care about them forever, regardless of the individual circumstances. Very refreshing. <You might find in time that that experience with one Korean woman may not be representative of Asian women as a whole… – Stick>
As has been said by various people throughout reader submissions western women, especially white women, are difficult and quite frustrating to date. I have had white girls cheat on me <Just like the Korean girl did with you, right? – Stick>, argue with me, make demands of me (even when I had caught them cheating), steal from me, try to stab me, try to poison me, try to defraud me into being a father (multiple times), and always inevitably when the breakup comes the usual feminist crap starts to come out. Allegations of abuse, sometimes going to the police with these false complaints. I even had to go to family court once to defend myself against paying child support for a baby that wasn’t even mine – it was her husband's.
After my last serious white girlfriend I had had enough. I was with the girl for 4 years and practically raised her daughter as a single father. Taught the little girl how to read, how to bank, tried to introduce some structure into the kid's life. The girl misrepresented herself entirely to me, and presented herself as a full time student taking health sciences. Once she moved in, she never re-enrolled in school, loafed on the couch, lived off of my avails and complained of health problems for years and despite fixing one health problem after another nothing ever changed. The girl was a hoarder and a slob. And by slob I am understating it – we’re talking a quarter million or more fruit flies in my house, four days of the kid's breakfast dishes side by side on the kitchen table. It would take me 2-3 times of running the dishwasher back to back to catch up on the dishes, there was 10 cubic metres of unfolded laundry downstairs, my garage was filled 5 foot high with random unsorted garbage (which when I finally got rid of it clocked in at 9.26 tonnes!) that she wouldn’t get rid of, she filled my basement with junk, spare room… I rent rooms in my house and as this pile of junk grew I was trying to re-rent them and she wouldn’t allow me, mostly because I was demanding that she clean up her crap because I could not attract a quality tenant with the house in this manner. When I finally had enough and started making firm demands, she just packed up the kid on a school night and left, posted an online dating ad the next day. I was floored. She wanted me back once I started dating a Filipina and when I said she could “fight for me” her idea of fighting for me was to email me a three page list of demands ranging from that I move to quit drinking to open a joint bank account with her. For obvious reasons I declined. Months later when she finally got around to picking up her stuff she showed up with the police for a civil standby.
After all that, I was like, white girls no more. But I digress.
So Asians it is. 2014 was a great year dating Asians, openly multiple at a time. Very refreshing. The Korean would make me lunches every day I stayed over, and not just a sandwich but homemade gyoza with rice and knowing I loved salt she would make a fish sauce tincture that tasted salty without the salt. The Filipina would show up and have sex with me just on the way to the grocery store, then again on the way home (she lived nearby). The Chinese girls had no problem with me showing up half intoxicated for a booty call at 9 AM on a Sunday morning, even washing my hair like a mother in the shower afterwards. Thank god for Asian girls!
So needless to say on Tinder if they’re Asian, even if they aren’t super hot, I swipe right.
So I met this girl on Tinder and started chatting. The English was quite bad. Got her number and was texting with her and like with many Asians it got down to race, as in what was I. I’m mostly white and part native Indian and I revealed this and it got to her. She made me play the guessing game. At first I guessed Indonesian. Nope. Then I guessed Laotian (damned close actually) as I had dated a Laotian girl and the features were a bit similar. Nope. She asked about other Asian countries. I was at a loss. Definitely not Chinese, not Korean, not Japanese. I gave up. She said she was from Thailand. I asked her how long she had been in Canada and she said 6 years.
Good sign. In Canada us guys always have to be careful about girls here on a visa or a PR looking for a sponsor to become a citizen. Either by getting knocked up or by wanting us to marry them or sponsor them. I've heard of horror stories but know of nobody who has been a victim of one but word gets around. 6 years means she did a 3-year PR and probably got her citizenship so no red flag there.
I asked her if she had any kids. She said no. Another good sign. The Filipina, while a great girl who I would marry if I had the chance, was really preoccupied with sending money back to her son. She sent back $40,000 in one year alone, the sweetheart works 3 full time jobs and lives very frugally. Not a problem in my books very admirable but would be nice for a girl to live more in the present if I am with her. She was a chef, she said. Her English was bad so I didn’t know if that meant that she was just a cook. She was taking English classes which I saw as a good sign.
My phone provider was updating the towers while we were texting during one morning and for some reason it flipped to voice only. I only noticed this because I was trying to text her and it was giving me an error. After I got it fixed I received a text from her “why cant I text you” and I told her what was happening. When I briefly checked my Tinder I saw this flustered message from her, “Kris! I cannot text you? Do you not want to speak to me anymore? Is everything OK did I upset you? If you don’t want to speak to me anymore please let me know! I am sorry if I offended you please let me know”. I thought how cute. And this girl was far more forward with her interest than I had seen from any western woman. She wanted to phone me – and did of her own volition. I had fallen asleep because it was late. I phoned her and she didn’t answer. She texted me and apologized that she could not answer my call because she was in the bathroom, then phoned me back in 10 minutes. This girl had interest, and had no problem at all in expressing it.
Set up a date with her for last night and got to thinking. What on earth are Thai girls all about. I scoured the internet and part of the reason I make this submission is because all I could find was trashy online dating and mail order bride sites, sex tourism information about bargirls in Thailand and guys swapping war stories about paying barfines to hot Thai girls and having sex for money. I have no problem with sex for money but I was looking specifically for Thai dating customs and the culture of the women. Very hard to find. Stickman here is a wonderful resource, and I emailed him. Unfortunately with 10 thousand articles on the site, he couldn’t even recall where to point me so he just told me to read the articles here. I read a great many but most of them did not apply at all – although there were a few that came close and one in particular that was exactly where I was at. Just not much information about dating a Thai expat in the west and what to expect.
I read all about dowries and money grubbing families and “brothers” who were really boyfriends. One thing red flagged me that she said she lived with a brother who was not really her brother. After dating the Filipina I was used to the idea of them calling friends and family friends family but the Stickman article somewhat concerned me. I filed it in my cranium and proceeded. I learned about old customs and Isaan girls and Bangkok girls and the castes, just trying to get a clue.
I’ve found when dating people of significantly different cultures it is a very good idea to do your homework so you don’t end up reacting stupidly wrong in the situation and blowing a great chance and opportunity. Asian girls I have found in particular (more so than Indian or Spanish girls) seem to have a particular fondness for a white guy who can act appropriately to their customs. You don’t have to play like you are the expert in their culture just that you can act and react in a way appropriate so that if they were ever to introduce you to their parents they would not be embarrassed or shamed. The Korean girl I dated really underscored this. The first night I spent at her house, in the late morning when she was driving me back to the train station wanted to stop for Vietnamese Pho – she watched with wide eyed interest as I chose the chopsticks over the fork and spoon. She watched intently as I flawlessly operated the chopsticks and even commented that I held my chopsticks properly, even more properly than she did. I asked her and joked if she was testing me out and she got all shy and changed the subject. Hence I learned at that moment that yes, these Asian women want to know if this white guy will make the grade should things get serious or if he is just some white guy.
So I was kind of not knowing what to expect of this Thai girl. After learning what I could about Thai women and Thai culture I had no idea what I was walking into. Would this be a conservative girl with a chaperone? Would this be a former bargirl out for nothing but my money? Would she drag along a bunch of friends expecting me to pay for everyone? Would she be dragging along an aunt or family member?
Armed with a lot of the information I gleaned from Stickman, I had an idea of the questions to ask. Where was she from in Thailand? What did she do in Thailand. With her English being quite bad I knew I would not be able to just carry on a playful banter in English and I wanted to make sure we had something to talk about and not end up in silence.
So date comes along and I arrive at the pub, she is there with a friend. Her best friend in Canada. Girl looked Chinese but said she was also from Thailand. Much whiter skin than my date and she was very talkative but a bit overweight; her English was excellent. I realized this was the chaperone. We were all talking and turns out the friend was from Bangkok and my date was from Isaan. My date was a chef in Thailand with a famous worldwide Thai restaurant and was offered a job in Canada which is how she got here, they worked together. (I won't say the restaurant name but if you are a Thai food connoisseur you have probably eaten there, quite fancy). The friend was the manager and she was the head chef. So good so far – I can't afford to be a walking wallet; my white ex-girlfriends did enough of a good job on me in that regard and I’m still in financial trouble because of it.
I ordered squid. I like squid and figured Asians like fish so it would go over well. It did. My date ordered pizza. Said she loves pizza. I chuckled inside because that told my gut that this girl likes western culture. The Laotian I dated was kind of annoying because she would only eat very Asian food. I cooked her dinner once of roast chicken, potatoes and salad and she refused to eat unless there was rice and this infuriated me (um potatoes?). Good sign.
We chatted over dinner and my date was very shy. I was at many points concerned that the chaperone was taking over the whole date because she did a lot of talking, even at times talking for my date when I asked questions. She was helpful though because she would translate some English things to Thai for her when my date did not understand. She also playfully chided my date from time to time that she needed to try to speak only in English.
Now regardless of race, I know the game and I can get laid. White girl, Asian girl, whatever. The game is always that if the friend likes you and thinks you’re a good guy, even if the girl tries to talk herself out of seeing you, they will practically drag the girl back to see you again if they are shy and want to move along. Prove to an indifferent friend that you are a nice guy and not a creep and that friend can work wonders in your favor when you are not around. So I did my best to ensure I would ask my date direct questions, lightly touch her arm, and ask her and her only to be excused when I went to the bathroom so as to ensure she knew she was the focus of my attention and not her somewhat boisterous friend and chaperone.
I also knew from reading Stickman that my darker skinned, more flat nosed date from Isaan may feel self conscious of her lighter skinned probably Thai-Chinese friend from Bangkok. So I took extra care to pay extra attention to her.
When the bill came because it was getting late, I was not really sure where to go from there. I did want to see the girl again, she seemed very sweet, but in my normal dating game I end up kissing the girl on the first date if not taking them back to my house. Knowing what I learned on Stickman about Thai conservative girls I figured this was a bad idea, plus I had this friend and chaperone kicking around which to my instincts felt a bit awkward. Plus the whole kissing/PDA in public thing so I figured I would just have to call it a day and try to see her again.
To my surprise, the chaperone made a surprise move. She had gone to the bathroom and was taking an abnormally long amount of time. My date was a bit squirmy about this so I made a joke that her friend was just trying to give us a chance to be alone before we left. The chaperone came back, and we all paid a portion of the bill (good sign all three of us paid and the pub's billing was excellent even splitting appetizers into thirds without anyone having to ask) there was no odd looks at me like it was for me to pay (good sign). Then the chaperone girl just got up and said Ok she was leaving and said that it was nice to meet me and said that she hoped that we had a good time in her absence.
I may be foreign to this whole bringing a friend on the first date thing but that was a great sign! The chaperone left me and my date together sitting side by side at the pub and while I wouldn’t say she ditched her friend it was obvious she was like, “Ok you two chat together now guy is OK”. My date was quite shy throughout the evening but opened up quite a bit more. While it was getting late and the bill was paid and I knew we wouldn’t be staying too long, we got to talking and chatting.
She came out of her shy shell a bit and talked about a bunch of things. Explained the “brother” situation in great detail, even without me prompting her to. Talked a lot about work, it was a nice chat, more of what I would have expected had I been on a first date with her alone. We chatted at that empty table without drinks or food for almost an hour.
It was all very nice but I was still a bit unsure where to go from here. From the way the night played out, I could tell she was a quite conservative Thai girl. I had read on Stickman about girls from Isaan but her and her friend only told me she was from the east of Thailand when I had asked, and I had no idea about the provinces and only realized she was from Isaan when I looked up a map after I got home. Normally I kiss on the first date and I thought the better of it. I also knew of the PDA aversion.
So I walked her to the bus she needed to catch to get home, we chatted away. We just missed it and it was getting really cold but I waited there with her. She started opening up and showing me pictures of the stuff she did at work. She had said she was a chef but the pictures were amazing. This girl was no line cook. I’m talking cake sculptures that looked like swans in real life, amazing weird sugar crystal treats….this was five star stuff. It was innately interesting. When the phone came out and she was going to show me pictures I was expecting to see bowls of sauce and rice like I had eaten in Thai restaurants. This was the Thai equivalent of eating in the Trump Hotel.
She offered that it was cold and that I could leave if I wanted. I decided to stay. As the bus came I gave her a nice warm hug and discreetly held her hand for a moment before she boarded. She gave me a big smile and boarded the bus.
To be continued…