Readers' Submissions

A Different Type Of Bargirl, An Asian Perspective Part 2

I penned this submission a few days back but decided to write and submit Part 1 after reading it through. Some of the culture, jargon and mentality might be hard to understand if it isn’t explained appropriately. Hopefully, after reading my previous submission, my fellow Stickman readers will have a clearer picture of these events.

I am a 28-year old Singapore guy working in the financial sector, do okay for myself and prefer the finer things in life, mainly restaurants and the occasional luxury items. Over here in the land of no smiles, young adults generally work long hours slaving ourselves and I am no different. I followed the 'rules', got an education, served my 2 years in the army (mandatory) and went in to the corporate world. During my university years, I dated a local girl for about 4 years. Sadly, things didn’t work out and I broke up with her. Even though I’m posting this semi–anonymously, it’s not in my nature to criticize a former partner but to give you a rough idea, a lot of girls in Singapore behave like a princess and she was no different. Not that I blame her because if I have a daughter in future, I’ll be sure to treat her like a princess too. This coupled with things like peer pressure to get married, settle down really made me frightened of our future. I ended it before we reached the point of no return.

She tried to salvage it but certain actions in the past really made it impossible. It was hard for me too but I believe it was for the better. Days that followed were boring because I always had someone with me in the past. It was also exciting because I hadn’t been single for a long time. Sitting your ass on a couch watching TV, playing video games all day long were luxuries when you have a partner but it’s also kind of depressing when you're single and doing it every day. Out of boredom I went to a Thai disco (see previous submission) with a group of colleagues, they had girlfriends working there as coyotes. I have seen plenty of this Thai disco hoo-ha in the past and personally prefer clubs where girls don’t ask you for garlands or lady drinks. And yet I was bored and single so what the hell. That is where I met her…let’s call her A.

She was slim, fairly light skinned and spoke passable English. We managed some small talk and drinking games, shared some jokes and anything that was beyond comprehension, my colleague would translate. She gave me her Line which is a brilliant app by the way, they can just ignore you once they are done and you don’t even have their phone number! I asked her out the next week and went to see some attractions and have dinner before she had to go to work. Now during our conversations, she told me she has a Bachelor’s Degree, condo and car. All of which were proven later on when I visited LOS. We starting meeting frequently in the day and I went to her workplace and then supper a lot more often. Sounds familiar? Except we don’t have sex. What happened was she hinted back at me when I ‘’hinted’’ that she was not a promiscuous woman. Most of my friends do have sex with their ‘’girlfriend’’ from the Thai disco. Keep in mind that I was at the point of time, on a drought of a couple of months but I didn’t mind it because I truly feel in love with her. Yeah, just say it, I am a horny yet stupid 28 year old man.

Time flies, 30 day visa runs out and off she goes back to LOS. It took almost all of me to fight the urge to fly there immediately, and even so, that lasted 96 hours. I was able to stay in Bangkok for 10 days as holidays and weekends meant I only needed 3 days of leave. Now you might think I am a sad bastard and perhaps I am, but I did try to not let the whole trip be just about her. I went to clubs with friends, met some fine ladies and generally enjoyed myself. I did however go to her workplace right after checking into the hotel. Now, she works in a place that is kind of like a beer garden in the sense where there are hot waitresses serving. By hot, I mean 7 – 9 / 10s and if you need a comparison, most of the girls I see in Nana are like 3 – 6. I mean I am a decent looking 28 yr old so a 20 year old slim woman with a pair of tits doesn’t automatically become fxxxable in my book. Here is what I might need help from you, dear readers, because even after researching, I was not able to find more information about her workplace. It’s a bar alright but some places call themselves restaurants, with a stage where legit performers with their own equipment go up to sing. You can purchase a lady drink for 150 baht and some girls will ask you for them. They are only allowed to drink lady drinks and may sit with you for a while but for the most part move around serving food or pouring drinks. I think the correct term for their job title is PR, and that’s exactly what they do. No kissing, hugging, dancing or any other sort of hanky panky. Whilst I was there, I am usually the only foreigner there although I don’t think anyone noticed, the cliental seems to middle + class Thais (females too). Despite the provocative outfits, the job seems to be pretty decent. Although when I first reached the place, she was standing there waiting for me and as a customer was leaving, a group of girls was supporting his drunk ass down the steps. His hands were on her shoulders of the girls and in that split second that I looked at A, this Thai man slipped an arm around her bare waist (short tank top) and she gave an embarrassing smile. Her smart friend whom I also met in Singapore quickly stepped forward and shouted my name and I suspect, pretended to be overly excited. I don’t know what to think of it but since I haven’t seen something like this happen again, didn’t think much of it. It’s also worth noting that in Singapore Thai discos, men even though horny and lonely, are law-abiding. I am not saying everyone is like that but at least for me and friends, no means no. No matter what her job is or where you are. I was brought up to be a gentleman and would generally avoid making a lady uncomfortable. The words nerds, pussy and just freaking grab it could be useful in describing some of us.

Now what followed was us meeting every other day whilst I was there. I guess it was easier for me as there is no stigma like a young dark skinned woman holding on to an older farang. When we hang out, you wouldn’t spot the difference. Most people assume I am Thai and we did what Thai couples do. She drives to my hotel to pick me up and then it's movies, shopping, dinner and then she goes to work. What makes me really confused is the fact that I haven’t given her a single baht 4 months into this. Sure, I pay for expenses when we are out and I do spend a few K baht at her workplace but honestly if a friend would drive me around places for travel and work in a foreign country, I would probably pay the expenses too. She also giggles and just appears shy when shop owners ask us if I was her “fan”, usually while saying no. Some part of my naïve mind thinks that this is just like dating in Singapore, you can forget about sleeping with the girl within a few dates, or any other part of Asia for the matter. In fact, if she sleeps with you after a few dates, some guys actually RE-THINK the relationship.

In my line of work there are conniving conman dressed in suits on both ends of the transaction. The banker offering the best advice according to his commission scheme and the client lying about where the money came from. After spending time talking to a person, I learn to pick up what I call ‘’bullshit’’ vibes. And 4 months after first meeting her, I started to pick it up. As most of you living in LOS might know, Thai people hate being called liars. You almost have to beat around the bush and let them realize it themselves that you know they are lying. I could be wrong but I have been using this method at work and with A. It seems to work better than direct confrontation. If a farang colleague does something stupid at work, I just walk into his office and lay it all out politely. After that, it’s a handshake and drinks after work most of the time. I did this to a Thai colleague and he went bonkers, saying I insulted his personality etc. A has always told me that she lived with her sister in a rented condo, of my 3 visits to LOS I have never seen this sister nor visited her condo. Usually our night ends with some light kissing in her car when she sends me back to my hotel. One day her mum visited BKK with her little sister and she took them both out for some sort of show while she waited outside for them. Her phone was running out battery and she added online with her Mum’s phone / iPad. Now days later she was hanging out with her sister when I was talking to her trying to sort out some dates to fly over when her phone was running low on battery. I told her to add me on Line with her sister’s phone as I wanted to book it ASAP, she refused to. And fed me some BS about quarreling with her sister a lot and generally on bad terms. I have also seen photos of every single one of her family member from all the selfies she takes and sends me and yet no one was with this ‘’sister’’ that she lives with in Bangkok. There are also some incidents where ‘’phone out of battery’’, ‘’fell asleep can’t reply you” and then her sharing her game score on Line page. I let that slide because I am technically not her boyfriend and am generally not that of a control freak in a relationship. I understand sometimes I just want to do my shit without anyone talking or bothering me. But here’s the amazing part, she actually flares up at me when I didn’t reply her messages or didn’t inform her I finished work/went drinking/woke up! What is this?!

I am supposed to fly over tomorrow for a short holiday before attending a seminar and meeting clients on but the last couple of days I have been getting a lot of bullshit vibes. Her friend kept staying over and she’s sending me a lot of pictures of them but again no sister even when I ask if I could see her photo. Phone seems to be running out of battery, charger seems to be lost more frequently and she doesn’t even bother to explain when I asked her why then is she playing games on it. I have considered hiring a PI to really figure things out for me after reading some submissions here but again she does not acknowledge me as her boyfriend and it’s not like I’m sending her money every month. We talk every day and we go on dates when I am in LOS and that’s about it, I would go as far as to say the ‘’normal’’ Thai dating

Some things to note:

She has never asked money from me but like a lot of Thais she whines about money problems but never actually puts in additional effort to solve them. She did however, rejected my help, cash in hand on TWO occasions without looking at the amount.

This woman packs an attitude. She knows she’s quite pretty and we were out at clubs, I’ve seen plenty of hits try to hit on her. There’s a general guys like me and if you don’t talk to me, others will air about her.

She does devote almost all her time to me when I am in LOS.

We don’t talk too much about our past, I am not one who dwells in it and I feel she’s the same.

Facebook tells you a lot but ironically, we haven’t added each other. I am going to be honest and just say that unless I know for sure we are together, I am not going to put up with the tons of “omg” “seriously” “Why” that is associated with dating a Thai woman in Singapore. Let’s face it, everyone knows you met her in a Thai disco. She never mentions anything about it either and I also didn’t ask, although she’s not afraid of me looking at her surfing FB on her phone.

PS: I am interested to hear about LOS from the perspective of a farang living in Thailand for some time. Do drop an email if you have a questions or answers for me.

Stickman's thoughts:

She doesn't consider you her boyfriend…because you're not her boyfriend. You're in that zone so popular with Thai women between friend and boyfriend. That usually means they have other options and you're a Plan B or C or D.