Another One Bites The Dust
So I recall listening to a lecture from an evolutionary psychologist on the grey shrike bird and how under lab conditions it will give up its natural mating behaviors in favor of becoming a cocaine addict. The conclusion drawn from all of this was that not only do animals seek pleasure and avoid pain but they also do so in the most efficient way possible.
Like the grey shrike bird I behaved naturally for much of my life. I pursued a mate and mated and then pursued some other mates as some animals are like to do. I also smoked dope and watched porn and as time went on I found that these behaviors were a more efficient way to meet my sexual desires which run at getting off twice a day under ideal conditions.
Women are wonderful but they are also hard work especially for people with attachment problems like I have. This can cause a lot of psychological distress that frankly I can do without. I like the fact that I don't really have drama in my life as a single.
The last time I tried to have sex with a woman I couldn't keep up my end of the deal. Her desire to simply fxxk for her own pleasure was so apparent it was a major turn off. I felt like I was being used in ways I simply didn't appreciate. How life turns in strange ways because I never previously imagined being turned off by a woman who is desperate to fxxk.
But that was my experience and you can't argue with your experience. Right or wrong, it is as it is.
The bottom line is that I seem to prefer wanking these days. The next question is, Do I want to try and change this?
And at this point I have to admit to a lot of ambivalence. Apparently guys like me are so common in Japan that they even have a special name for them so it can't be just me being a weirdo.
So while I am reading all these stories about the travails of getting your rocks off in Thailand I almost feel as if I have risen above such neediness. The above (older woman) is also a herpes carrier and in that context you can more realistically appreciate why I might lose my erection. Now the woman mentioned told me this honestly and would let me know if she was in an active phase. Herpes is relatively common but how many bar girls would give a damn whether they gave it to you or not? It is mostly for these sorts of reasons I was never able to be a successful monger. If I have to use condoms because I can't trust a girl enough to let me know if she has a disease then I get a whole lot less interested in having sex with her. I might like to imagine myself as a freewheeling risk taker but I am not. Once again it is as it is.
On my last trip I went alone and didn't have sex. Did plenty of drinking and fishing and other fun things but no sex. Do I regret this?
On previous trips I did have a bit of a go with a few bar girls but if I need some fuel for sexual fantasies I don't find remembering these experiences work that well. They simply were not very erotic experiences and imagining previous western girlfriends works far better. Add to that the fact that pleasures of this sort are fleeting. I have discovered that all the sex I have had over the years is now in the past. What good is yesterday's sex (or lack of) to me now? So, no, I do not regret keeping it to myself.
I still like being in the scene and having the possibility of having sex with all these young woman I might be looking at. When I was young I had a mate who was so appealing to women he would knock back stunners in favor of having a cone and going surfing. He knew it was there if he wanted it and, yes, I still find that feeling very appealing. Who would have thought I would be knocking back stunners in my 50's. Not me, that's for sure. It's a nice feeling though in its way.
Now I could keep going of course with all sorts of other reasons than health concerns that have been covered by other writers. You know what I am talking about. Balcony jumpers, getting drugged, falling in love with a nightmare, footing the bill, jealousy etc. Ok so I am a bit of a wuss as statistically most of this stuff isn't likely to be a big deal to a careful player but so be it. It’s not like I walk around horny and desperate all the time. My twice a day lifestyle choice takes care of that.
But I did say I was ambivalent and that is still true. I guess I am just a guy looking to fall in love or at least really like a woman, who I can trust to a reasonable degree, to set the right conditions for sexual activity. Doesn't seem that unreasonable as I read it back to myself and from everything I have read on here Thailand isn't really the best place to go to fall in love.
I might have to stay with this lifestyle for a while. Falling in love seems to be getting harder as the years go on. You really have to like the person in my age group and can't rely on simple lust and few of us over 50's are physically that attractive anymore. I also mentioned attachment issues earlier and how these manifest is that whenever I have a girlfriend I start getting 'itchy' and either feeling smothered and / or wanting other women far more than I do when I have single status. I even prefer to sleep alone. I once imagined that Thailand was going to solve this problem for me. I would simply become a holiday monger and everyone wins. The girls get the money they want and I can butterfly all I want.
But seriously I could do that here in Oz and go down to my local knock shop once or twice a week but as many others have mentioned prostitution is seen in their own countries for what it is. Only in Thailand is it seen to be a desirable lifestyle choice to brag about and then only by the visitors. The Thais apparently discreetly go down to their local knock shop and keep quiet just like we would do on our own territory. No doubt though that as far as prostitution goes the Thais do it extremely well. Perhaps once a person has truly grasped that these girls are essentially no different from hookers anywhere else then changes begin to occur in your attitude that can be irrevocable. I think this happened to me and that this site is mostly responsible for me learning this the easy way.
In case Stick takes off before I do any more subs I would like to say thanks for the ride. It has been an interesting journey watching myself change and hearing about the experiences of others as they unfold. Along with the personal stories of people like Phet I have enjoyed Dana's bizarre fantasies (?) and quirky writing and Korski's stories used to produce some very mixed reactions in me. There are so many others and one off stories that have entertained and educated me and I have appreciated that these people chose to share their views and experiences.