The Ides of the Blind in Thailand
The angst of a Roman Emperor stabbed in the back by those he trusted has become a pseudo portent of doom for the third month of the year and a warning about the people we may, unwisely, place too much trust in. It is also a story of a man believing he was untouchable and of arrogance without bounds. But, as he lay there bleeding out on that fateful day in March, one can be sure a predominant thought flashing through his mind was probably the wonderment people he’d given so much of himself for could betray him so badly.
Like Caesar’s Ides, the overriding message, for me at least, of Woofer’s journey of personal suffering with his “Madame X” is the fact he’d given so much of himself for virtually nothing in return. The economic cost is something which, for those who’ve been down a similar path, always seems to be at the forefront of most “bargirl done me wrong” sagas. But the fact is 1.7 million THB for a guy working in a well-paid job in the western world really isn’t a great deal of money. It roughly translates to about US 55K and can be recouped in less than six months in employment in the mines in Australia. The real cost is the time and energy wasted on something in which there is virtually nothing meaningful or tangible coming back to you.
Imagine for a moment being sucked into black a hole or vortex where your emotional energy, your life force, nay your very soul is being drained to the point that, as a properly functioning entity, you cease to exist? And to pull away from its suffocating grip all you had to do was let go of your fear. Fear of being alone, fear of finally admitting to yourself what you considered was love wasn’t, and fear of humiliation for getting it so wrong. This type of fear paralyses the strongest of men visiting Thailand and turns muscle bound, macho guys into whimpering shadows of their outward images. This is a land where poorly educated girls from the rice farms of the North East have the power to mentally paralyse the guileless, the trusting and the unwise from foreign shores. And this is also a land where love starved men (foreigners) are turned into emotional wrecks and driven to psychologically disturbed dark places through poor judgment when interacting with those very same girls.
Many of us who come to this site have had our Madame X’s. A few years ago I had mine. Her name was Ning. The Ning’s and Madame X’s of this world all have one thing in common: they are pathological liars. It goes with their “game” of course, but they are whores so what else should one expect? And their game is always the same; deceit, manipulation and maximizing any situation to their advantage, or profit. Their words of love are hollow, grossly so. To the unwise, the unwitting and the foolish, lust is mistaken as love. The blind folly of the lonely and the love-starved looking for love in all the wrong places in this country is maximized by the Ning’s and Madame X’s of this world as they use their game to manipulate those mistaking lust for love. But love it most certainly is not. Real love is about respect, trust, honesty and consideration of another. It is not about shaking one’s booty in a gogo bar or offering one’s body for sale on lower Sukhumvit, or fxxxing multiples of guys while you are working your backside off, back in your own country, to pay your whore for your love.
Take it as a given real love will not be found in the prostitution alleyways along Sukhumvit Road, there’s only lust on offer there. The next time you venture down to Nana Plaza, Soi Cowboy, Walking Street, or Soi Bangla, listen closely to the words of the new Madame X’s or Ning’s you are talking with. To their credit they are rather forthright ladies and will probably inform you clearly they are “working,” they are “doing it for the money,” and you are their “next customer.” They are not there for love. Their business is the business of lust for sale, and nothing more. Your misunderstanding of what they’re doing there is your misunderstanding, and not theirs.
To be honest, I find most farang men interacting with Thai prostitutes are completely clueless. Many have no idea what it is they actually want, or why they are trawling the red light sois. Most Thai men don’t have the same level of confusion when it comes to using the services of a prostitute. Ladies they pay to have sex with aren’t the ones they take home to meet the family. Let’s call a spade a spade. The ladies working in the red light sois of this country are prostitutes and their primary purpose for “working” is to make some cash by doing a short or long time. Unless you are plying them with drinks, they aren’t going to hang out with you for too long if they figure you’re not going to bar-fine them. For me, this is a clearly defined situation and unless I’m in the mood for some horizontal folk dancing I normally don’t step through the purple curtains. When I do, I’m never there for longer than one hour before walking out with whichever number takes my fancy. I’m certainly never there for some ill-defined reason. The bottom line is I’m the customer and they’re the sex worker I’m paying to satisfy me. Anything else beyond this situation is a pure fantasy going on inside the punter’s head. Let me say this again; the ladies working the prostitution sois of Thailand are not there for love, they’re there to make money.
There seems to be a lot of foreigners coming to Thailand who really don’t have a grasp of this reality. Perhaps it’s something in the water but so many seem to think Thai prostitutes are something other than sex workers. We’ve even had reports on this site of punters paying escorts large sums of money for talk time. Little wonder the majority of Thai hookers consider foreigners to be fools. If you want talk time, go to a psychiatrist. If you want paid for sex, get a prostitute. It’s that simple. Thai prostitutes – or any Asian prostitute for that matter – are experts at creating the illusion of the submissive, compliant sex toy. These wily little charmers will have the naïve and the guileless jumping through their hoops in no time at all if they’re given the leeway to do so. And while it may well be they are submissive and compliant, the reality is they’re also tough minded little cookies whose primary focus is the money coming out of your pockets. The fact they’ve got families back on the rice farms relying on them for money every month make it so.
The insecurity, or the need to be wanted or liked, is at the very heart of the reason many guys want to please the prostitute they are hiring for the night. To be honest, I’ve never understood this. If I’m the customer, I’m paying the money so it’s the prostitute’s job to satisfy me and not the other way round. If the prostitute I’m hiring doesn’t climax, I couldn’t care less. I’m not her husband or boyfriend, I’m just the customer. I actually think one of the major reasons so many Thai hookers these days are poor at their jobs or downright lazy is they’ve gotten used to all the idiot punters who think the prostitute they’re hiring is someone they can have a meaningful experience with. That she’s some kind of instant pseudo girlfriend you can develop some feeling with. She isn’t and you won’t. Get it into your head that you’re the customer with the cash and she’s the sex worker whose job is to satisfy you. If you want a real girlfriend, it’s not going to happen by paying for it. And that’s really the bottom line with all this nonsense of guys getting into a pickle with a Thai prostitute. A real girlfriend doesn’t need to be paid a monthly stipend. It’s only the whores who expect that. If you’re paying for loyalty it’s a business arrangement, not a relationship.
It’s often said “time heals all wounds” and hopefully so. The rage and fury many experience in their bar girl done me wrong sagas will dissipate with time. However, it’s at the tipping point where things can spiral out of control quickly. Woofer at least still had a modicum of sanity left to be able to pull back from the brink of complete disaster. Many don’t and the lust for revenge can escalate into physical violence, and even murder. We’ve seen the reports of this often enough in the Thai media. In the end Woofer, as much as it hurt, did the right thing by walking away. His pride may have taken a decent hit but he had the sense to avoid escalating the final confrontation between himself and Madame X into a situation with far more serious consequences. A situation where there is only ever one outcome; the farang loses, and badly. As much as we vow revenge for the perceived wrong doings of the Ning’s and Madame X’s of the world, it rarely eventuates. In the end there’s actually very little we can do except walk away and as the cop in the police box said, “find another boom boom.” The reason why those manipulating whores work so many guys over so badly is because they are fully aware we have little recourse in “their country.” The odds are stacked heavily against us. Ignorance of Thai law and their legal system conspires against us, language and communication difficulties conspire against us, cultural oddities conspire against us and, most significantly, the fact we are not Thai weighs heavily against us.
Eventually Woofer will have his revenge but it will be of the silent type and in a way which is hardly noticed. In time he’ll recover and emerge emotionally stronger, wiser and more circumspect when it comes to interacting with Thai prostitutes. Perhaps if we could gaze into a crystal ball and look five years ahead we might see Woofer being in a financially sound place through hard work to eradicate the folly of his Madame X misadventure. His submissions indicated he was diligent in terms of his fitness regime, so we can probably surmise he’ll be in good health. But what of Madame X? Unless she’s of the one per cent of Thai prostitutes who are able to save, and do something financially sound with money she earns, chances are she’ll be broke and still offering herself up for sale on lower Sukhumvit. She’ll probably still have the same bunch of parasites back on the farm, leaching off the days and nights spent on her back. She’ll be older, more worn and her looks will have faded from the hard life on the mean streets. To cope with the boredom and eventual loathing of the multiple punters she has to fuck to earn a living, she’ll probably become an alcoholic or a habitual drug user. The fact she’s already doing tricks in Singapore may eventually see her on the freelancer circuit of Singapore, Hong Kong and the night clubs of Bangkok. Unless she hits the big time and hooks a wealthy farang, this is probably how it will pan out for her; a life without certainty and of eventual poor health and disease risk, the type so brutally described in “HIV and Betrayal.”
Woofer, as I did, will move on with his life and the harsh lesson he’s learnt will serve him well in his return visits to the land of smiles. Mistakes made with our Madame X’s normally provide a focal point for self-improvement. So much so that Woofer will eventually pull away from the prostitution sois of lower Sukhumvit finally realizing there’s nothing lasting or worthwhile down there. His revenge will not really be revenge but more a case of rising to another level, of doing better, and of being a better person. Madame X, due to her cultural proclivities, will learn no lessons; they never do, even when their sordid history is staring them squarely in the face. And their maintenance of face, as we all know, is absolute. It’s better to lie and deceive than admit to any wrong doing; particularly to a farang. For me the decision to avoid engaging with the Ning’s and Madame X’s of this world simply comes down to one thing – respect. And with those types you can sleep soundly in the knowledge they have absolutely none for you.
So much good advice here….but will those who really ought to take notice of it do so?