My Thoughts On Thai / Farang Relationships
Following Casanunrdra’s submission, it made me start to think about what I have seen in regards to Thai-Farang marriages and the divorce rate. Basically Casanunrdra was indicating the success rate based on his observation was actually pretty good – well above 50% actually.
I have been married to a Thai lady and we have lived in Singapore now for over 10 years.
I thought about her friends here in Singapore – those that we see know and see now and again for BBQ’s and birthdays and the like. I counted up 12 couples we know pretty well. All of my wife’s friends here are married and living with either a Caucasian expat or a Singaporean citizen. In all of these cases they have been in Singapore for 8+ years, and have been married for 6+ years.
When I started to objectively think about these relationships, they all seem pretty normal:
• Our face book pages get covered with photos of various trips to Japan, Europe and other places.
• And in the last 2 or 3 years, more and more often, what is shown across Face Book pages is the young children from these marriages.
Basically they seem normal relationships, with work, travel, children, and family and friends being the focus of their lives – likely most people everywhere.
But then what about all the bad relationships, failures, and divorces, we seem to get fed is the norm with any relationship involving a Thai? (Actually failure seems to be the norm of any relationship these days – but considered to be ‘more normal’ if a Thai is involved).
Well from my wife’s Thai friends here in Singapore the number of relationships where there is a separation and/or a divorce is…….well…..ZERO.
Yep, that is right. Nil, Zilch, Zip, *ZERO*
It is interesting that I would have to admit guilt at being slightly “suspicious” of a Thai-Farang relationship, in spite of being married to a Thai for 10 years. I guess that is because we read all the negativity from those with a basis towards the ‘bad cases’. But when you actually take the time to stop and look at what you actually know and in an objective manner, the reality tells a very different story.
While Casanunrdra’s submission indicates the success rate of Thai-Farang marriage’s is much higher than you may have thought, the cases he highlighted where there were failures seemed, in the main, to be caused by the Farang rather than the Thai lady. This point got me thinking a bit more about the relationships here in Singapore.
In Singapore, I would summarize that the ‘quality’ of the Farang is more likely higher. While there can always be exceptions to any rule, it would be generally true to state that in Singapore the Farang’s are successful well paid career professionals. As such we are talking about men who have been successful in their own countries, have moved to Singapore taking on well paid and senior roles in areas like Banking and Finance and have gone on to meet and marry a Thai lady. Of course your local Singaporean citizen could be ‘any body’ who hops on a place and goes to Thailand to get a wife – but from the people my wife and I know in Singapore who are Singaporean citizens married to a Thai, all the relationships seem to be going ok. Well they are all married 6+ years, kids have arrived, and they are living what appear to be normal lives.
There is only 1 case of a divorce that I know of personally, where a friend of mine from Farangland, who also lives in Farangland, visited Thailand a few times and made a hasty choice for a wife. A so-called good-girl wife too. The first time my wife ever met this lady, she declared she was ‘bad news’, but my friend went ahead against all advice and the relationship ended in divorce within 18 months.
So what do I conclude from all of this?
• Do not be hasty to form views or impressions based on reading internet sites that are filled, largely, with the negativity about Thai relationships.
• Instead, look around you, and make an assessment based on your own experiences and what you actually see.
• While my observations are just a very small sample without a doubt, I would contest anyone who claims that the Farang-Thai divorce rate is way above 50%. I just do not think that is the case.
• Interestingly, I know of many more farang-farang failed marriages, than I do of Thai-Farang failed marriages! I would therefore conclude that actually there is no less risk for a Farang-Thai marriage working than for a farang-farang marriage. Of course if you rush into the marriage, and marry a lady who worked in the sex industry, then your chances of success would be the same as if you married a lady from your local knock-shop in Farangland. But approach the relationship in the right way, with the same commonsense that you would at home, and the chances of a successful relationship are just as good, maybe even better. My view would be the later.
Summarizing from my experience:
• I think the Thai-Farang marriage failure rate is nowhere near even 50%.
• I think that a Thai-Farang marriage has just as much chance of working as any Farang-Farang marriage, probably even more chance. And that is in spite of cultural differences.
Hopefully you will not be “scared-off” from a marriage involving a Thai lady and the wonderful and fulfilling life that could bring because of a few who spread negativity that way over-states the reality (based on my observations).
It's great that you have observed a greater level of relationship success between Thai women and Western men than I have. I do perhaps wonder if the socio-economic situation of the guys involved is a major contributing factor. With expats in Singapore the best paid in the region, so I would expect they are able to provide a great life for their wife which would make it less likely that she would consider leaving him (and let's face it, divorce is usually initiated by the woman.)