My Journey Out Of Mongering
This relates to the "Mongering once hitched" submission.
I think everybody is different, and that everybody is somehow seeking to find their way to live in peace with their own sexuality, within the social constants and expectations both of the societies they live in, and the personal relationships they chose to have.
I'm guessing that most men learn to distinguish between a physical urge or need within their bodies and, their mental sexual needs, which, certainly in my case were always much more powerful than the physical urges.
My own mental sexual needs are for beauty, pleasure, excitement, variety, experimentation and adventurousness in sex. I'm guessing that these are sexual needs that many men have.
I love sex, and I love women. I don't take my sexuality to extremes. I don't think I have any fetishes. I don't feel the need to be domineering or submissive or to hurt any one. I'm not gay, and doubt that I could raise a smile, let alone anything else, with a ladyboy.
I am pretty sure I was a full blown sex addict at one time in my life. In my 30s I had a job which involved loads of foreign travel, with maybe 100 to 120 nights a year in hotel rooms. The loneliness of hotel rooms helped me to develop sexual habits that would make the average 'monger' one might meet in Thailand blush. Ahhh, those sex clubs in Germany… Of course, neither the sex addiction nor the amount of time away from home were conducive to a happy married relationship, and so in spite of two beautiful children my first marriage ground to a halt after 13 years.
My second marriage was much better both from a lifestyle and a sexual balance point of view, and it broke my addictive ways. We didn't have any children but unfortunately, after a hysterectomy, my second wife's interest in sex declined to way below mine. I found myself with occasional liaisons with some 'friends with benefits', and occasional mongering. Of course my second wife knew, but was relaxed about it so long as I was discrete, and 'didn't get lost again' in her words.
A business venture took me to Thailand for 3 years. On arrival I took a brief interest in the bar scene but like Stick I got bored with it quickly. I actually prefer real relationships. Somehow I managed to 'acquire' a mia noi, All was good, except that after two years my mia noi fell pregnant. To cut a very long story short, I got divorced again, and married my mia noi, so that we could both move back to my country.
I have not mongered since I started a relationship with the mia noi who became my third wife. I'm not entirely sure why this is. We lived together in Pattaya for a couple of years, and I thought I must have been the only western guy there who was behaving himself! I just didn't want to fxxk around anymore.
I still love sex. I still crave what I crave. My third wife is incredibly hot and beautiful, but is by no means the most adventurous lover that I have had. My third marriage is also the most challenging relationship of all of my three marriages. There is a massive difference in our ages, in intellect and in culture. It is a relationship that breaks all the rules of well informed western men who get involved with Thai ladies. Did I mention that she is hot and beautiful? Our little girl is just a treasure. The little family we have created means everything to both of us.
On reading all of this, readers may have feelings of credulity to hear that my own belief is that I'm actually not too bad at marriages. My first one was for 13 years, my second for 15 years. Who knows how long my third one might last! I don't really want a forth! I know I'm not necessarily very good at making them last for 50 years, but unlike most mongers, I'm not commitment phobic and I also genuinely believe that families are the world's single most important social institution. I am also proud to be able to say that I am on excellent terms with my two ex-wives, with all of my children, my step child and with a raft of current and ex-in-laws, and even the ex and present husbands and boyfriends of my ex's too!
I don't have any judgements or any wise words for those who chose to monger in a married relationship, beyond for them to try to be honest with themselves and with their partners, and to live in peace with themselves and their own sexuality.