To Go Or Not To Go To Thailand?
I have really mixed feelings about going to Thailand this year. I'm vacillating. I've made no plans but I have an uneasy feeling after reading the readers' submissions.
I did something I thought I would never do last month, I sent money to my girl, Nook. It was a real struggle. It was only 10,000 baht to get her phone fixed and to buy a bed. She started a new job at her uncle's school teaching Kindergarten-aged kids. She is a decent women, just turned 30, never married, no kids and surprisingly better English then I expected. I'd been talking to her since 2010 and didn't meet until 2012 around this time of the year. She gets my humor, is sarcastic, somewhat needy and passive-aggressive but overall, she is kind.
Of all the Thai women I've dated or fed and bedded, she annoys me the least.
I'm a homebody and like to stay around the apartment and listen to Joe 'Rogan or Adam Carolla podcasts and surf the net and play online chess or poker, so I can do that almost anywhere. She doesn't need to be entertained much, except for the occasional trip to the mall for a movie and to be seen and eat. But I can't help feeling that she is not grateful and expects too much from me. I can't see her surviving in Canada with her culture bias and I'm not sure I could stomach Thailand if I got tied down to her there. She is lazy.
What she brings to the table is that I'm attracted to her, but I'm also moody and fickle with women and it could all change over night. The reality is that I don't really know much more about her then I did when I first met her. She lied to her parents about staying with me and although I can rationalize it, I'll always be suspicious that she is lying to me. I don't have mastery of her language so I'll never really know her deepest thoughts.
Nook doesn't do much more than look at her phone, watch TV, eat every 3 hours and wait to have sex. She never has an opinion that doesn't tow the company line and she is also evasive and won't answer any question until she has had a good think-a-thon and consulted her team of advisers on the phone for an hour. So can I accept this?
Can I accept her belief in ghosts and blind reverence for monks? I'm an atheist and think all religions are suspect and superstition is insane.
Can I ever really have a rational discussion without her sulking or creating drama? Just having an opinion that isn't widely excepted in Thai culture makes her pout.
What happens after 3 years and the sex turns routine?
She knows I can't produce kids. How long before the pressure to adopt, or the nephew and relatives come knocking?
She moves in slow motion and needs an hour before she can leave the room. I can throw everything in a bugout bag and be at the airport in half the time.
Is there really enough there besides a shell of beauty?
The readers submissions really pissed me off. They have disillusioned me and I'm not happy about that. Ignorance is bliss. I was having a nice distraction from reality and their perspectives contradict my fantasy.
Perhaps the biggest worry is that she says she loves me. And now she has me saying it too. My style is generally to show through actions and not words. She needs the words all the time now. And some days I just don't feel like saying those words when she bothers me.
And why isn't she interested in Thai men? Or is it that they see something that I don't?
I'm super torn about her now. Long distance relationships are much more effort then face to face. I spend hours daily on Skype chatting about nothing and expected to be engaged about this nothingness and to focus on her non opinion. It's exhausting. She can remember every thing that interests her, but forgets she asks me the same questions in a slightly different word order constantly.
When she stayed with me for 4 months in Bangkok last year, we hardly talked about anything that wasn't filler and fluff. Her way of fighting is silence. And honestly, I'm fine with that. I've had the alternatives and it is the lesser of the evils. The fights are all about emotions. Jealousy, was number 1. After that hurdle, it was 3 months of practicing marriage. It really went great, I thought. Now, she is all I think about. My TLL addiction is over. Did I mention I'm flip flopping on this girl and really torn?
Oh God, I just imagined how many times you have heard similar stories and the yawns it must bring. Okay, thanks for letting me vent. Although we never met you have helped me more than 99% of my Facebook friends. Go have a vacation and long break in your homeland – I think you are really going to enjoy the contrast. Seems there is about only 9 kind of faces for Thais anyway. You will be able to let your guard down and coast on autopilot and not have the worry of about offending the wrong petty ego with truth and logic.
There is this strange phenomenon of short timers in prison, when they are close to leaving the others resent it. They throw wrenches into the machinery. The lobsters will try to pull you back into the bucket before you liberate yourself. Friends act weird and take it personally that you are free of the absurd reality and they are left to live it.