A Suit, Sir?

Arrived in Thailand for my first visit, all excited and slightly nervous about my 2 weeks holiday in the Land Of Smiles. I'd remembered what my friend said about BKK, "Bangkok is expensive." Fought my way through the touts to catch a taxi (with meter), cost me around 500-600 baht to get to the hotel just around the corner from the Nana Plaza. The driver spoke limited English, but still managed to finish off our conversation with "Enjoy your boom boom!"

Brilliant.

Welcome to Thailand.

My plans for this trip? Visit BKK, Hua Hin, Pattaya, Ayutthaya and possibly Krabi.

Checked the available rooms at the hotel (made no reservation beforehand), room was fine except the bed had wheels and was on hard flooring – not a good mix. Stayed in BKK for a couple of days, the smell I won't forget. Didn't like the look of the few mothers with babies / children begging on the street, didn't like the standard of driving, and the traffic was insane at times. Hey, this is Thailand.

Walked around for a bit, drank at a couple of bars and picked up a walker off Sukhumvit Road for 1000 baht for a few hours. Turned out to be a starfish, gave me her number and I sent her packing. First night in Thailand, plenty of fish in the sea.

On the 2nd day, walked around again and popped into a bar opposite NEP, got chatting with a stunner who worked in the bar. Challenged her to a game of pool (I got slaughtered 7 times out of 7). She finished at 7 PM, we agreed on LT for 5000 baht (no barfine), a little pricey to my liking but couldn't pass up on this girl. She was 28 years old with 2 kids and is divorced. She made sure I had a fantastic time back at the hotel and stayed the whole night. I guess sometimes you just have to take a gamble when the girl asks for big money. She gave me her email and number.

I then left BKK for Hua Hin by minivan – better to pay 180 baht instead of 2000 quoted by the few taxi drivers I spoke with. I wanted to meet a friend off ThaiFriendly, who worked as a receptionist at one of the more expensive hotels there. She had booked me a room under her name for one night, costing 800 baht when it would have cost 2800 under my name. Checked in at another (much cheaper) hotel for 800 baht per night, ended up staying in Hua Hin for 5 days. Had a great time getting to know my friend, who took time off work for my visit. Nothing happened though, we had a long talk about her past on the beach and I have nothing but respect for the girl. Still, no action for 5 days was getting to me. I knew I had to make a move on, and thanked her for the good time in Hua Hin.

As for Hua Hin, it's a fine little town if you need some time out, plenty to do and some lovely beaches around.

Next up, Pattaya. Again, I took the minivan (via Bangkok), and this time the driver was absolute pants. Almost crashed several times and drove way too fast. Still he got us there in one piece so I can't complain too much to be honest. After about 5 hours I'd finally got to Pattaya. Checked in at a hotel on Soi 13 for 2 nights, the hotel was average at best with a key safe (total fail – try hiding the key with a hooker in the room). Picked up a nice girl off Beach Road and ended up spending two nights with her for 2500 baht total. Excellent company, had a great figure and very bubbly, 30 years old and works in BKK during the day.

Hired myself a moped at 120 baht per day with 1000 deposit (returned in full at the end of hire), checked out several bars, chatted with several girls and did a bit of shopping at the two main shopping malls. Checked into a much better hotel opposite on Soi 13 and visited Walking Street proper. Popped into the Russian cabaret – too pricey and girls were no good, left after 1 drink. Moved onto Spanky's, had a blinding time there. Barfined a stunner who wanted 2000 baht for 3 hours. Absolutely wild in the sack and gave me her number at the end.

With 5 days remaining, I was planning to make a move on so I could visit Ayutthaya and BKK, until I bumped into another stunner at one of the beer bars. Barfine on a LT (all night) for 2000. Next morning, she calls her friend who came round to the hotel, who then explained that the girl spoke limited English but wanted to spend more time with me, just pay the barfine for each day. Sounds too good to be true? That's what I thought.

After a long discussion, I said I wouldn't mind staying in Pattaya for longer if this girl wanted to spend more time with me. She was brilliant company and very good in the bedroom. I felt I had nothing to lose as long I watched my drinking and kept a close eye on my valuables/cash. She is 26 years old, unattached, no kids and came from Isaan. I ended up having a fantastic time with the two girls. The other girl is 41 years old and is very good friends with the girl as well as her family and she also acted as a translator at times. The older girl I wasn't interested in, but I treated her like a friend and didn't mind her tagging along. I paid for most of the meals and drinks, but they also paid their way at times.

Not once did they mention anything about me becoming a sponsor, not once did they attempt to drug or rob me, not once did they ask me to buy expensive goods. I don't know if the bar girl was genuinely interested in me or she was very smart about getting free food and drinks, as well as a little 'thank you' gift for spending 5 days with me. They asked several questions about me and asked if I had a girlfriend or was married back at home. I said I was single, 33 years old, the city I lived in, worked night shifts, watches football and plays poker. Perhaps they were eying up a British passport / visa?

In the end, I gave the girl from Isaan 5000 baht for her troubles, we exchanged numbers and added each other on Facebook. I'd already spent well under my budget for the holiday, and I couldn't ask for a better time. Both girls kept asking when I would return. I said I didn't know when, but would return sometime. I'd even had missed calls from the girl from Spanky's, and there was no way I could find the time for her. With hindsight, I probably should have asked all 3 girls if they fancied a 4some. F**k, that would have been epic.

As for Pattaya in general, I love that place. Plenty to do and the nightlife is awesome. Superb weather (late June / early July) and plenty of beautiful women to choose from, even for the low season. Only negative points are some of the ladyboys can turn nasty if you don't accept his / her invitation to the bar / massage salon, and the sheer number of smartly dressed suit tailors asking if I wanted a suit made up for me. Honestly, these guys are a pain in the backside and I was asked every 5 minutes if I wanted a suit. NO!!! Also got harassed by the watch dealers, but they weren't as bad as the suit tailors.

The Monday morning had arrived, it was time for me to return to the UK. The girl from Isaan (who stayed with me for 5 days), was in tears and asked me to keep in touch. Even the older girl was a bit upset the night before. I really didn't know if they were genuine or just trying to butter me up, I didn't care to be honest. Bottom line is, I had a bloody good time. In case you haven't noticed, I didn't get the chance to visit NEP / Soi Cowboy in BKK. Crazy or what?

Hey, I said I would return, so I will be back. Perhaps I should butterfly / shop around a bit more and negotiate better prices, but like I say I still spent well under budget. I had a great time, and leaving Thailand was a truly dreadful time for me. I think Thailand is catching up with the rest of the world and the prices are going up, everything is still very cheap compared to the UK and other countries I've visited.

The guy who drove me back to the airport asked me if I wanted a suit made up for me. There is no getting away from them, is there?