Crazy Bitch

I met Po Nani at a club called Lush on ladies night. My buddy and I were early chilling at the bar drinking since it was not yet busy. A long legged woman wearing a hot short skirt dress with a revealing top walks in our direction. Instantly catches both our eyes. Po Nani sits next to me and orders a drink and sits quietly to herself.

Eventually I get tired of chatting to my friend in the deafening club so I turn my attention to her. She at this point is low on her drink so I signaled the bartender and order two more beers and what ever she is drinking for her and also a pen. I chat with my buddy a lil longer when the drinks and pen arrives. She is given her drink, bartender points to me and I give her a smiling head nod. I grab the pen and a napkin on the counter and write "Hi, my name is AG, do you speak any engrish" and slide her the note and pen. She replies with "little my name is Po Nani".

We go back and forth without saying a word and I learn basic things about her and that she works at a import/export company. More importantly, I wanted to know to what degree of a working girl she is. I inquire if she is here with anybody and she says she is with a group of her friends behind us. I turn around and see them at a table. At this point, I suspect they are all indeed working girls who just sit together. This is all being done in Vietnamese now since her English is so poor.

I instruct her to go get a lovely lady for my friend since I am ignoring him. She disappears while I go back to chatting up my friend. They come back, introductions are made and we continue our lil note game. Shortly after, I conclude she is a semi hooker who goes to clubs to find johns. I write to her, "I am only a xe om [motorcycle taxi] driver and don't have money". At this points she smiles and pulls me to go dancing.

She dances very provocatively touching her titties and lifting up her dress just enough for me to see the color of her undergarments, really playful. I get real close nibble her ear and tell her I want to know what she smells like and to give me her panties. She looks at me and I point to the ladies restroom and smile. I slightly give her a nudge and off she goes.

I go back and sit with my buddy to see how things are going with his new friend. Turns out he's not interested so I tell him send her on her way than, **** giving her any money. Po Nani comes back and hands over her panties all embarrassed to which I give a big sniff smiling and tuck into my shirt pocket with it sticking out a tad.

Rest of the night leads to me and my buddy getting plastered. I know I am too hammered to do much else let alone get home safely so I give Po Nani my number and to call me.

So Po Nani calls me the next day and ask what I am doing at night. I only planned on staying in relaxing and making myself a nice steak with some wine. If any of you come to Vietnam to stay for an extended period of time, I highly recommend bringing McCormick Montreal Steak Seasoning if you are a steak lover. It's simple yet delicious, especially if you buy a good cut of meat. More and more restaurants are opening who can cook a good steak in Vietnam but it will cost you.

I eventually invited her over if she had nothing to do to which she accepts. We set a time. I give her my address and tell her don't be late or I would be unhappy and the food will be cold. Vietnamese locals are often late by even an hour and don't really see a problem with it. It tilts me to no end.

She's obviously into me but I decided to prepare a nice meal anyway. I actually love hosting dinners in my home. So I prepare shrimp cocktail with steak, fries and some greens. All stuff I already had available because I stock up and freeze all cuts of meat. I like to cook but am a lazy shopper.

30 minutes before go time, I set up the table settings, pour two glasses of wine and lay her undies on her plate. I start cooking the greens and everything else that needs to be pre-cooked and handled. 6 o'clock rolls around and surprise, surprise, she is not here yet. I turn on some music and drink my wine. 15 minutes later and she rolls up…not too bad. I fire up the grill, throw in the French fries and go to meet her.

Kiss her cheek and invite her in. Show her around my place a lil and show her our soon to be meal. Hand her wine and make a toast to a lovely evening. I bring out the shrimp cocktail and we sit at the table. She sees her place setting and doesn't even flinch but quickly takes her panties and throws it in her purse. Dinner progresses very smoothly. She is very smiley and touchy. Converses very well too.

End of the meal, we go up to my room to watch some TV. We climb in bed with my arm wrapped around her. I caress above her breast, she giggles and I go in for the kiss. Cloths come off and she's shaved. ****in score. I love shaved / trimmed boxes. Not something that is too common in Vietnam. She spends the night and is very experienced in the sex department. Very much the girlfriend experience.

The next day is when **** starts to go weird. I can start to see slight possessive signals. She tidies up my place and makes plans for lunch with me. I reluctantly accept and she leaves.

I arrive 1 PM at the designated place and lo and behold of course she isn't there. 30 minutes later she rolls up with 3 of her friends. I already hate this. In Vietnam, this happens a lot as to showcase someone to her friends. During the meal she is very girlfriend / boyfriend. Talking about us and future things….I'm thinking, "What have I ****ing done". Check comes and I just pass it to her. **** if I am going to pay for her friends.

Day goes on and I don't take her calls. She also texts numerous times to which I replay I'm busy. Night comes and my door bell rings. I open the door and guess who? She brought food. She comes in and starts pulling out dishes. We eat and then have relations but I kept it distant. I figured I'm already ****ed, why not get ****ed while I'm at it.

The next day I tell her I don't know how things are going to be with us so lets see what happens. She acts disappointed and pulls my hand saying this and that. I explain to her that if she acts like that, this isn't going to work period. Days go on and she is constantly calling me. She shows up unannounced more times with the excuse she misses me. One day, as I was leaving my place, I see her across the street. WTF, she's stalking me. At this point I walk over and tell her this isn't going to work any more and she has to stop this. I am not going to see her anymore and to stop calling me or I will get a new number. She makes a scene. Yelling and saying **** like why I rape her.

In Vietnam, any occurrence leads to crowds. It is a very nosy and gawking type of culture. Soon, there is a crowd around us watching us and the street being blocked by people on motorcycles watching also. I say that she is lying and just leave. I'm kinda shaken up.

That evening the doorbell rings. As I am not expecting anyone I know it's crazy bitch. I peek out the window and my heart ****ing drops. It's 5 policemen. I stand there stunned for I don't know how long when they bang harder on the door. I go outside and they ask me who I am. They immediately handcuff me, tell me what's going on and are taking me to the station to answer questions.

In the station I refuse to say anything unless a good interpreter is there. I speak Vietnamese well but am not fluent. I figured it be best if I was able to understand 100% everything is being said and what I am trying to say. Takes some time so I get to stay in an actual cell. Was kinda cool regardless of what was happening. A unique experience from Vietnam.

So I tell them the truth about everything, the when / where we met, what happened and how she is stalking me and I didn't rape anyone. I tell them to get my phone and they will be able to see that she is calling me endlessly. They drill me some more and leave me alone awhile. Eventually they come back, tell me they are bringing me back home to retrieve my phone.

Me and 3 other officers go inside my home and I show them the call logs. One officer says to another saying that it is a different number from what she gave them. He pulls out his cellphone and calls the number. She answers and he confirms it's her and talks about the case and that they have me in custody and are questioning me. When they get more information, they will let her know. They proceed to take pictures of the call logs in my phone and of my bedroom. We go back to the station where I go immediately to the cell.

I spend the night there. Next day, they let me go telling me that they believe me so far but have to look more into things. To not leave Saigon and that I would be stopped at any border crossing or airport.

The next week or so, I just keep to myself and stay in mostly. Eventually, 10 days later, I get a call from the police saying to come in. He won't say anything else.

Heart thumping, I walk in and get led to a desk of what I believe is a high-ranking policeman. He pulls out some paperwork, tells me to sign and to pay a fine for improper behavior and causing a disturbance. I can't read Vietnamese writing so I told him I wasn't going to sign anything unless I know what It says. He looks at me sternly saying that they are not charging me with anything and letting me go with a fine. I don't relent and tell him it will only take a lil while for me to call a friend to read what I am signing. He throws me back in the cell, probably out of spite.

Friend arrives, he reads the forms tell me what it says. I sign and pay a 2 million fine. I'm a free man. =) One stipulation though was that I am not to have any ladies in my home anymore.

I never heard from crazy bitch anymore.

I eventually move out of the district.

Asian Gigolo

Stickman's thoughts:

It's hard for me to comment on this because I don't know much about Vietnam and certainly don't know anything about the norms of local dating and what not. It must have been a huge relief that the situation ended in the way it did with just a $100 fine – it could have been so much worse! And good on you for sticking to your guns and not signing a document without being sure of what it said. I have heard a good few stories in Thailand of people who signed documents not knowing what they were and came back to bite them big time!