CiderHeadBrit – A Solution
Hello to CiderHeadBrit – I am making this an open letter as I would like to see it as a Stickman submission. I am going to offer you a solution: it is a cynical one and you may not like it but it is pragmatic and will work to the extent you want it to work.
You consider this child to be yours and your girlfriend does not. This needs to be reconciled by you both and a practical approach is for you to consider yourself the “BabyDaddy”, that is, you are the actual father but not in a position to raise this child in a traditional marriage.
Don’t contact the Swede, you will lose everything. He will be angry at you if he even believes you. She has said to him this is his child and by implication it seems she is passing this child off as a result of artificial insemination. I am taking this from your submission and I may be wrong but at any rate you state that she has already told him the child is his. If you want this child in your life I think you should consider accepting that she intends for her Swedish husband to believe this is his child as a done deal.
He calls her once a month? Perhaps all the time he can spare from his wife, 3 children and business in Stockholm?
Face the fact that you got sucker punched – you were one of the people used by this woman to get pregnant. She had an objective and she fulfilled that objective. She wanted to get pregnant right after her husband left Thailand for the specific purpose of convincing her lawfully wedded Swedish husband that she is going to have his baby. You getting in the way of that fact will end badly. You contacting the Swedish husband will likely end any relationship you have with this woman and would have the unintended consequence of shutting you off from your child. You contacting the Swede would have a negative impact on your girlfriend and her entire family’s source of income, or livelihood is a perhaps a more accurate description. You are in a weak (very weak) position here, but you may be able to salvage some.
Look at your girlfriend honestly. She is a hustler with a good hustle going on. You are not going to change that and “save” or rescue her – she has what she wants and only has to put on a show once or twice a year for a month or two of acting out a sham marriage. You will never have an exclusive with this girlfriend and you need to accept that to have a relationship with her and her child. Your child will be raised as a Swede and will likely have Sweden citizenship at some time in her life, not a bad thing to have. Considering the situation it may be difficult for you to give her the citizenship of your country.
Can you live with this situation? If you can you may be able to have a girlfriend for much of the year in Pattaya, with the child with you some or most of the time. Cynical? You bet it is, but it has a chance of working and I think contacting the Swede with information he does not want to hear will end any chance you have of maintaining contact with your girlfriend and child. Stick has pointed out to his readers that marriage has considerable legal standing in Thailand. If this Swedish man is wealthy he could possibly cause you considerable harm. The law in Thailand may assume this child is his as he is married to the mother. I do not see how you could mount a credible legal challenge if the mother maintains that the child is a product of her marriage. I do not think it would be wise to even try.
I am publishing this anonymously as I don’t want to deal with the flames I would likely get. Some will think this submission is not serious or is “taking the piss” which is not an American expression but I saw Stick use it fairly recently and liked it. I am seriously offering this as a possible solution / accommodation.
I have been in Asia 10 years now and the possible solution I have presented is not unheard of. If you were Thai the family might pass you off as the family driver or gardener and 10 months a year you and your girlfriend would be a family. Two months a year you would be part of a scam that the whole community knows about and will never tell the Swede. I don’t see how you can successfully live in her community as you are a Westerner and would not be trusted enough to succeed in any variation of the family employee scam.
Half a loaf is sometimes all you can get. If you are truly in love with her and you seem to be, you need to see her as she really is – a successful scammer. You could still be a part of this girlfriend’s life if you can accept the reality of the situation.
Not the advice you were expecting? I am sure it is not, but being the BabyDaddy could and I do mean only could work out. I do not see any scenario where you can be the family you seem to want, meaning a traditional family unit. I doubt this girlfriend is interested in such an arrangement at any rate and especially if it is less financially lucrative as what she currently has. You cannot bring her to your country if she is married. I can easily see why the mother is against you as you present a threat to her family’s current lifestyle.
Look outside the culture you were raised in (same as mine in America or very similar) with our traditional morality and perhaps you will see this from a different perspective. You are in love with a woman who does not have the same traditional morals or values. She is a scammer, plain and simple, and likely never will be faithful to you or anyone else so you will perhaps be lowering your standards or at least lowering your hopes and expectations to keep her in your life.
Contacting the Swede is bad advice in my opinion. Your girlfriend would hate you for doing so as she has already passed her pregnancy off as his. That is a done deal, a broken glass, and you cannot reassemble this broken glass in any way that will benefit you or your girlfriend.
Best of luck to you – I can see that you love your child and I hope that something works out for you. What I am saying to you is to be realistic, there are many ways to accommodate this situation if you “look outside the box”.