Readers' Submissions

Again…Really?

  • Written by Starky
  • June 26th, 2014
  • 7 min read




I never thought I would be writing in again so soon, but circumstances have really given me no choice. Before I kick off I would like to say I agree with JasonJason's recent sub almost 100% and sure it may have been a little harsh, but life is harsh. Sometimes you need a good smack in the mouth to get your head screwed on correctly. Again Stick as usual was the voice of reason and tempered JasonJason's sub somewhat. People should be able to write about their bad experiences here without too much recrimination and I agree with Stick for many it may be cathartic or therapeutic. To my mind though, I have very little compassion for those that have been taken by a bargirl. There is quite honestly these days no reason or excuse for such behaviour beyond your own lack of knowledge and irresponsibility. The stories have all been written, the tales have all been told and yet still some are making "rookie" mistakes from 20 years ago. The "Thick Black" theory was written in 1911. "Thick Face, Black Heart" was written in 1992. More recently and Thailand-specific, "Private Dancer" was written 10 years ago, "Money Number One" was written around the same time. In the years following there have been numerous books, hundreds of stories on websites such as Stick's and thousands of blogs talking about horror stories with Thai women.

It is still and will always be my position that Thai women are no worse than any other women in the world. In fact in my opinion they are a damn sight better than most women in the world (excuse my bias). This is really a pet peeve of mine as you can tell from my subs. Worst case scenario, to quote an Americanism, "don't blame the player, blame the game". I also believe that even before all this information was available it was only the mugs that got taken and those that allow themselves to be hoodwinked will continue to do so. As I have stated countless times before, for the most part, in fact a very high percentage, have had a wonderful time here have never been taken and for those that chose that path are in fairly normal happy relationships. The rest figured out for themselves what works and doesn't with bargirls and never gave more than they could afford to lose (some went silly and regretted it later, but they never did their arse here). Beyond, of course, the same things that drive us all crazy at times, the corruption, the dual-pricing, the poor service I could go on but TIT and I have never been one to say "well if you don't like it go home", but it is what it is and you must accept things for the way they are, wherever you may be. In my life nothing has ever improved or become more worthwhile by whingeing about it. Be a force of positive change, accept the status quo, or remove yourself from the situation. Life is transient – accept that, live it and your life will be much easier.

Which brings me to the reason of today's sub. Low and behold we get "Jason, Was I A Moron". Well, you answered that question yourself so I will refrain from a reply, and having a successful business means [email protected]#*$ all as far as I am concerned. All it tells me is you must have been very lucky or never had to deal with Asians before. You attempted to gain precedence but stating you came here in 1978 and my congratulations, I also guess in the following 9 years you came here as well, but that only takes us to 1987! It was another 21 years before you next set foot here and decided to retire. As in my last sub I prefer not to make assumptions but it would be my guess that neither yourself, "Burned by a woman from Isaan" or CiderheadBrit met the girl of your dreams working in Lotus, 7-11, Kassikornbank or Chulalongkorn University. So…you met her in 2008 and made the fatal mistake of accepting the white man's guilt / burden and decided to take on not only the new missus but the 2 daughters and the cost of their education as well. Admirable qualities I must admit, but where was the father? I hope it wasn't the Norwegian and why the necessity to send them to "good schools" when free education is readily available? Did her daughter have aspirations to be a chemist before you came along? Like my last sub it is this egotistical, colonial attitude that you with your money and seemingly better education can make a "better life" for the poor misbegotten Thai. Hate to be crude but in my opinion most of you guys are just [email protected]#*struck. Also you have forgotten to mention all the important details where was she from? What did she do? What was the age difference? And all the other hundreds of variables that are really important in these stories.

It gets better though…you met here apparently sometime in 2008 (I am betting later than that because that was when you did your "exploratory trip" but I will give benefit of the doubt, unless you fell in love first time you barf… sorry met her. Then by 2010 you are living in Bangkok and building a house. So where did you get the idea that "doesn't happen overnight but can take many years to go wrong", that's less than 2 years, champ, it's hardly a long honeymoon period. Wait, though, there's more. "NN said she wanted to work part time and had been asked by a friend to help run her mini casino which the lady operated in her living room and NN was to share some of the house profits." Casino? Living room? Don't make me laugh. So not only did you encourage your missus to enter into a highly illegal operation, you also sent her to somewhere that probably has one of the highest addiction rates in Thailand. You might as well have said my girlfriend wanted to work part time so we decided to sell ya ba! It was at this time I thought you must be trolling. She wasn't "pimping her daughter her daughter went to work bar. The older daughter never went to uni cos' she probably wasn't smart enough and it is very common for Thai girls to have babies at a young age. She hasn't ruined their lives and their chances were slim of ever seeing the house anyway and the ultimate kicker she was seeing a Norwegian when you were back in Australia. So believe in the Dhamma all you want and sleep well with those colonial feelings of "I tried to do good, but you just cannot help some people." In reality you were just another guy that fell for something you shouldn't have. Then again, there is no fool like an old fool, so you tell me. Were you a moron?

To end on a lighter note and to show I am not always an arsehole. The person my heart and sympathies go out to most is Ishiro. This is a man that truly wears his heart on his sleeve. You can tell that he is a smart, creative, talented man unfortunately stuck in a moment in a time he can never change. I can feel his pain in what he writes and for mine I wish he could heal. This is a man that has written a sub on the "middle path" and therefore must understand that in the eightfold path, he is only causing himself further suffering. You must have mind-no mind and to have to many attachments is only to cause greater pain, but he says himself – "not at all – it is better to feel emotion than to deny feelings that are so important – along with those people and places attached to those feelings." It is not about denying feelings it is letting them flow through you with no attachment. Buddha and the devil have the same face. There is no right or wrong and the brightest light has the deepest shadow. To relive a time again and again that you have no control over and can never change the outcome of must be a terrible burden. The greater truth is even if you could have changed that day nothing says that things would have worked out as you wished. Time is not a line it is a series of points. There is not before, there is not after there is only "nows". I congratulate you on your honesty and in the truth in what you write. I hope mostly though that through these subs you may find peace.

Cheers, Play smart out there (or at least try to).

Starky