How Thailand Saves Us from Being Creeps
Before I met my wife, I dated a girl who weighed much more than me. She was perhaps 100 kg at 160 cm and I’m about 84 kg at 180. Because I was slightly overweight and had never had rock-hard abs, I thought and felt that I was dating in my league. Also, I was a student at the time, so I wasn’t making much money and felt that I didn’t have much to offer. My girlfriend often reminded me of this.
She also reminded me that her friends thought I was a creep. The word “creep” is a powerful one, often wielded by women to make men feel insecure or uncertain about their desires, interests, or most basic behavior. Say “hello” to the wrong person at the wrong time? Bam—you’re a creep. Respond to someone when they ask you a question? A creep. And, of course, if I said that any woman on Earth was pretty besides said girlfriend, I was a creep. When we first started dating, this girl would “playfully” call me a creep in certain conversations:
“Hey Jason, want to hang out this weekend?”
“Um, maybe, I might have to study.”
“Ew, don’t be such a creep! Just say yes.”
Remember, it’s playful so if I complained about it, I was even more of a creep.
This was all nearly a decade ago, so I am much psychologically and emotionally detached from that time in my life, and I can contemplate it with a clear mind. And I do think about it a lot, because that woman and my wife are complete polar opposites.
You see, that girl was Swedish and my wife is Korean, and they both have quite typically western and eastern attitudes towards men and sexuality, which I see played out every day in my house, and it makes me contemplate western and eastern attitudes to life, love, and sex, and just makes me fascinated with the whole idea of culture.
Since my wife and I moved to America a few years ago, the cultural clash has gotten just that much more profound and fascinating. My wife has slowly observed how women treat men in America, and she remains extremely confused. “Why do they put up with this?” she often asks me. She wonders why, for instance, a 200lb classmate of hers is dating four different men and all of those men are paying for her rent and for vacations with her son (who is not the son of any of these men). She also doesn’t understand the “creep” rhetoric I discuss above. “But men wanting sex is natural!” she says.
And this is why I love my wife.
Over time, I have seen her attitude towards white women grow progressively more antagonistic. I have not encouraged this at all. In fact, I’ve tried to get her to befriend more white women; she has made some white friends, but for the most part she is offended at the way they treat men. She has also learned about the American justice system, the divorce courts, the immediate arrest on domestic violence claims, and so on. It’s all quite horrifying to her.
Again, why I love my wife.
Watching television with her has become quite fun. Last night, we were watching a t.v. show with a middle-aged couple looking to buy a house with a million dollar budget. The unemployed wife was overweight and quite ugly; the man was no looker himself, but he was the sole breadwinner for this woman and their four children. They had been looking for a house for two years, but nothing was satisfactory for the wife. As her demanding, aggressive, henpecking behavior manifested itself, my wife screamed at the TV, “Dude, go to Thailand! There are tons of beautiful women waiting for you. Don’t put up with this fat bitch.”
Of course I immediately thought of my own fat ex-girlfriend and the passive aggression I tolerated while we dated. Why did I put up with it? I was poor, I was lonely, and I had no self esteem. That last bit was by design; the women in my life, mothers, aunts, teachers, and daytime talk show hosts had all told me how shameful it was that I wanted to have sex with young, beautiful women. I had been programmed to marry and financially provide for an overweight and ugly unemployed wife and four children. If I wanted anything else, I was a creep.
My time in Asia freed me from the shame of being creepy.
None of this is meant to suggest Asian gender politics are perfect. Quite the opposite—the way women are treated in Asia horrifies me. In Korea, women are expected to look and act like mannequins at all times, while men can act like uncouth barbarians. In Thailand, women are fxxxed, impregnated, and abandoned, and no one bats an eye. Our gender politics are overall better than what goes on in Asia, but that doesn’t mean things are fair or good. The pendulum swung too far in the favor of women in many ways. Women can have men imprisoned at the drop of a hat. Men are ashamed of wanting to have sex with thin, young women. Men are statistically more likely to be unemployed in the United States.
Let me end with this: I need to emphasize I do not think every western woman acts like my Swedish ex or every eastern woman acts like my wife. I am not trying to argue that white women are all feminazis. Many white women are more tolerant of male sexual desire, and many Asian women will use passive aggressive tactics to make men feel insecure. But the consistent trend is pretty clear: the west, the male desire to have sex with many women is shameful. It’s creepy and must be repressed. In the east, the male desire to have sex with many women is natural and expected. It’s inevitable, but it must be controlled. This is why prostitution has endured and will endure in Asia, and why feminism never really will gain traction east of the Danube.
I’m not sure what to do with this insight, but long ago I decided that I would never date or have sex with western women again. Not because they’re evil or feminazis or manipulative, but because they are coming from a culture that sees my sexuality as something inherently bad that should not exist at all. If she doesn’t see male sexuality that way, it’s because she is fighting a norm that her culture has put on her. While admirable, why would I voluntarily get mixed up in such an uphill battle? Just like I don’t blame women who refuse to date Muslims because they’re coming from a culture where women are seen as second-class citizens, I can’t be blamed for avoiding women who come from a culture where my body is inherently repulsive. I’m glad Asia exists.