Readers' Submissions

Another Long Time Mistake





I'm a north European single man and the first I went to Thailand was June, 2000. Thailand was at that time still a relatively cheap place for annual vacations.

I had just broken off with my then girlfriend and I had strong will to my then 33 year old body moving around, curiosity to see the world and not least to get laid – I was informed Thailand had countless of opportunities for that. So I booked immediately my South-East Asia two weeks vacation, without any knowledge of Thai culture or habits at all. I've always been curious and travelling is in my blood.

The plane arrived at Don Meuang and 2 hours later I checked in to a hotel in Pattaya and felt a very warm welcome there. As I was horny like a typical buffalo is, I walked out the hotel premises and about one second later a local songtaew driver shouted at me with his friendly Thai smile : hello mister, want sightseeing or pretty girls ?

The rest of that 1:st vacation I simply fxxxxd as much as I could, not more, not less.

Well those 14 days in my new heaven ended way too soon and a return home was unavoidable.

As soon as I arrived home I started to plan my next Pattaya trip, this time one month as it seemed ok for my salary, and it was.

That former small fishing village filled my mind and became my secret obsession, even when I knew from the first day with Thai bargirls it was all for the money.

I simply put that fact out of my mind and started my personal six years Pattaya incursion period. I had had relationships in my country, some short, some long , all of them ended for various reasons. I put my past behind and became a whoremonger and in those 6 years I had so much sex with prostitutes that I forget the actual number – it was a lot!

Then came year 2006, and my exploration to heaven, 4 weeks again started again. Every time before that trip I felt 100% satisfied with service if we can call it so.

That time I had some really bad attitude ladies and escaped to Singapore wondering if I still had a lot of time to spend on my holiday. A short weekend walking around Singapore and then Bangkok I found my restless body and mind again. I had no idea what else Thailand could offer other than Pattaya so a few days @ Chiang Mai with nothing to do there, short flight back to Bangkok and somehow I found myself @ a train to Hua Hin. 5 hours later arrival in the late night time to this idyllic train station.

I walked outside & asked the nearest available tuktuk driver for some accommodation. Something had changed in me, I did not want to fxxk some bargirl.

Somehow I just had a kind of total emptiness without any other plans except taking it easy & drinking beer.

Days went by and I enjoyed Hua Hin by walking sober there by day and a little bit drunk by night.

I enjoyed massages without extra services as I wanted to keep a distance to prostitution.

By that time I had learned enough about Thai business of the dark side so I could separate freelancers from total hookers etc. I also had already limited Thai speaking skills so I understood a few phrases and I was able to communicate tourist needs in shops etc with a few Thai words.

The magic day came that changed the next 8 years of my life. I walked in a massage and there she was…

She wasn't hottie but more like a typical Isaan born, not to say there was just that something in her, I still don't know what.
as I'm a little bit shy guy I just asked her to give me an oil massage and she did it without any suggestions to bj or something else. I was sold.

I went back to hotel feeling what the heck happened to me? I just wanted to see her again. I looked in the mirror and I repeated my old slogan in my own language, translated roughly : all of them are whores, don't let it get emotional, repeating that to myself over and over again. But I wanted to see her again, so back I went to be treated again.

She had limited English skills but we had some sort of fun and she asked my name and my answer was no more no less than Thaksin Shinawatra. She started laughing and for the first time I believed it was real, not fake from a Thai woman. I still had a lot of time and despite being sort of shy I thought it would be ok at least for me to ask her to go out. So I did. At first she had nothing to say, but after a short moment she agreed.

We went to bar and had not sex despite she stayed overnight with me.

I saw her the next day and she went with me until my vacation ended.

The language barrier was trouble but translations were available. That time there was no such things as mobile smartphones with an online dictionary.

She explained she came from a poor background and I told her immediately that I was not looking for a serious relationship. Just a kind of an overseas friendship if it works, as I already had a lot of those I love you SMS messages from Pattaya bars so I was cold-hearted in the beginning.

I might call her T, not real names not personal information as its authors policy and I'm looking for revenge anyway.

I went home in Scandinavia and we started SMS madness, everyday as it was way too expensive to call direct.

I didn't see any warning signs as she was open-minded about her past as I was from my own too.

We started to see each other every possible holiday I could get from my work.

Sure, it did make a big hole to my wallet but I didn't care, and simultaneously I saved hard money for the worst case scenario. My financial status was strong back home. And never my new love T asked me for financial support for her even though she paid overpriced rent @ Hua Hin while she started to work in a local shop.

Then came Skype, it changed a lot.

Oh, how easy it was to communicate every day long distance. To hear Tea's dreams of her own house in a specific rural town – thank good she chose location outside Isaan.

How much Tea wanted to reunite with her only daughter who by then was living with his father. Asking what happened, Tea always explained that the man was lazy but not real drunkard. I accepted her story because my own past is not perfect either.

Well, times went by & I visited Tea so many times during those years. We always had a lot of domestic Thai travelling & a lot of fun while on a holidays. Her boss gave her non-paid holidays from her work as she understood Tea doesn't everyday have opportunity to spend 4 weeks vacation. We went all major tourist destinations trough in Thailand, needless to say I was happy to take care of her.

About one year from now she said she had enough money to buy some kind of government supported house for herself & she wants to quit her work @ Hua Hin. I felt happy she could finally start her dream & start her life with her now teen-aged daughter.

We made plans of my return to land of smiles and there I was, in her modest but contemporary house about 200 kilometers north of the capital. We made it clear to each other that there we will stay 3 weeks & last week @ Bangkok.

So there I was in the real Thailand, with real Thai people. We went around and met her relatives and she many times asked me if there is something to complain about. I had none reason to complain, food was good, atmosphere was good, but…..one day her daughter came with her mobile phone and seemingly somebody was asking mama to phone.

Tea looked shocked and quickly said something in Thai and daughter disappeared closing phone immediately. I contained myself as I was in her home in the middle of nowhere on the end of the line, at least for me.

We went on like nothing had happened and last week @ Asoke was great time. But my always suspicious mind never slept.
There was a shadow. Was there something happening I should know?

After my return everyday talking this time with Google hangout went normally, no troubles as she was always available thanks to improved Thai mobile internet.

But I had a feeling. A bad feeling. Shadows don't disappear, they follow.

Time went on until this year February and Tea wanted to go to see her former employee and I wished good time for her.

After that her always open internet including location sharing went offline – Facebook, Gmail, chaton, hangout, you name it.

I sent a few SMSs and she received them. Some days later she came alive again asking me if I was angry.

Sure I was because I cared for her. I cut off the relationship. The only thing I got back was I'm sorry, nothing else.

Next thing I saw her on Facebook filled with winter images. She had taken a trip to some long distance country with someone. A little bit of spy work in Facebook and her friends wished her good luck for journey. They even said mai pen rai, farang pay so don't worry.

The lesson of this story ; what an idiot I was. Thank god I was suspicious. Good luck for next to be cheated…




Stickman's thoughts:

I'm sorry to say but long-term – and that is the key here – long-distance relationships are a struggle with anyone, but especially do with Thais. Visiting your girlfriend for a few weeks a year without having made and communicating a clear road map of your plans for the future together makes you optimistic that this "relationship" would last. You made her wait too long, didn't have a clear plan for the two of you to be together and frankly I don't think you could reasonably expect any other outcome.